Why do nice guys finish last?

Originally posted by XTexan
reply to post by SoulOrb

 

I appreciate the response, but I think your judging a book by its cover...

That is what most women do. They size you up and don't really think about the cover, but what it portrays and how they feel about it. Then they figure whatever feeling they experienced because of you that will be how they feel if they choose to be with you.

Personally I'm not into the women that assume a bunch of things about me after 5 minutes and treat me a certain way based on that, I like women who keep an open mind about things, it's a natural filter.

If the root cause of my women issues layed in my hobby of target shooting, then I think I would have figured that out by now... and yes there have been times that I met a woman and she found out I had guns and she didn't like it, so things didn't work out. I put that info on the table early on to get it out of they way, no surprises. But by and far its not the motivating factor in the ending of most of my relationships...
[edit on 25-3-2009 by XTexan]

Suppose you had a pic of yourself holding that gun in a certain stance at the firing range. That would make you look more aggressive, like you are holding something dangerous but know how to wield it. Subconsciously this is a turn on for many women (I'm sure you can figure out why). It also triggers those primitive feelings that make women look for a man that can protect them (and their children).

Ofcourse this is not a dating site, in real life you can't wear something like an avatar which expresses you instead you get judged on your appearance, choice of words, attitude and things like that. If a woman finds out you own a gun and you don't tell her anything about it it will be like you're giving her an empty book she needs to fill in herself. If you fill it in for her like emphasizing it's a social activity you do with your mates and it's not about just shooting but mental concentration also it might make a huge difference. If she opposes guns because they have to do with violence, argue how she should also oppose anything that can be used as a weapon to kill.

At first it's all about how you present yourself, better start working on that cover if you want any woman to read about the rest. Buy yourself a glass vitrine for your guns and lock it; keep any ammo out of sight and this gives the impression you are a responsible person (and not triggerhappy ready to grab any ammo and ready to shoot). Place the vitrine near your other sport stuff like in the garage so it shows you value it but it's not the main thing in your life (it would be if you put it in the living room or near the main entrance). Put some pictures up in the house of you and friends at the firing range so she can get some perspective on your hobby. Don't hide the gun otherwise she might think whatever you do with it is something other people shouldn't know about.

[edit on 5-4-2009 by Dragonfly79]

There is a difference between being a nice guy and being a pushover. I'm not calling you out in particular but most "nice guys" that complain nobody wants them are the ones that don't show women what they have to offer. Women want a man. They need somebody nice but it's not a bad thing to be a jerk every once in awhile. Not a big jerk but "jokingly". You need to let them know you are confident and capable of taking care of them. Be open to things. Have something really unique to offer a relationship. Don't aim too high. Find someone who has similar interests and tastes and who can appreciate you for who you are. Find a way to go outside your local area. Do some traveling. You never know who you might meet. Don't be creepy. And a sense of humor goes a LOOOOONGGGG way. I'm not talking about honing your one liner skills. I'm talking about the things you say and how you react to situations. Just try and be funny but don't overdo it.

Good luck.

I know exactly where you're coming from I have thought becoming an a-hole would be an interesting change but its so against my nature that I couldnt. I have a habit of being with girls who are bad for me and every single relationship I have been in Ive been cheated on. I dont know what it is.
To me all girls are the same just because of my personal experience, it always seems like I find the perfect girl and Im happy for a bit, but it was just so she can be taken away and then Im sad again... tough world.

But its good to keep on keepin on girls will come and go, and take your heart with them, and you will give up repeatedly and become hollow and feel like youll never recover... but then you find yourself in another situation where you're okay, and you have the choice to either repeat past mistake or fix the problem from the beginning,.

Personally, I always repeat the mistake...

Originally posted by thehumbleone
There are a couple of fatal mistakes I believe most nice guys make. One of them is that typical "nice guys" fail to make their sexual nature known to a woman. So at worst, the woman does not even have any idea if this man has any sexual interest in her. Woman want to know that their romantic and sexual feelings are going to be reciprocated.

This is a big one, so pay attention. I believe "nice guys" usually operate from a point of view that puts them in a lower social status than the women, hence giving her all their power. In other words, they are operating from a position where they believe the woman has higher status than them. A big no-no.

Well not all women are like that, not even most for that matter

It depends on the culture. That culture you mentioned is what I call 'city culture' which is complicated.

aggressors typically have the advantage in nature. I think it is an evolutionary shadow from earlier times when me were hunters and woman gatherers. You go with the aggressive guy cause he feeds you. Just my 2 cents.

With the NWO, the age of global extinction and social Darwinism upon us, there will be no more room for "nice guys".

It may be time to start practicing caveman tactics and start communicating in grunts and groans.

Back to basics, the louder one grunts, the more cave women one will have.

So be sure to grunt with authority,... AARRGH!

Or perhaps we just don't go for whiney, needy guys that want to blame everyone else for failing to attract a woman. Thats not sexy.. and this whole thread is based on the premise that women are somehow being unfair to this demographic of "nice guys" by letting them finnish last like they should be given priority? We owe you this? Shows a sense of entitlement which is also very unsexy and definently NOT nice as it's basically one huge passive aggressive guilt trip. Women wanting abusive cave men instead of self proclaimed "nice guys" is pure assumption designed to again take all the blame off themselves.

reply to post by riley


This thread was not meant to place blame on women in general, but rather to explore the reasons as to why a guy, in this case me who as far as I know is a nice guy, is constantly having issues maintaining a healthy relationship.

Many different ideas have been thrown out there, from "hang in there" to "maybe I'm not a nice guy" and "there's no room for nice guys left"

While I have not commented on many of these ideas, I do read them and take them into account when they make sense and seem to apply to my situation.

My issue is not with the women in my life that I have had relationships with that ended mutually or what not, it is with women who treated me badly and in some cases disrespected me.

I'm not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip, simply looking for answers and in some cases releasing some frustration. I have no sense of entitlement other than that I feel I am a good guy who deserves a chance with a good woman. I'm not looking to take any blame off of myself that belongs on me, like I said just looking for answers and perhaps a new viewpoint.

And for your information, a whiney needy guy is not necessarily a nice guy nor vise versa.

Perhaps being "too nice" has nothing to do with relationship issues. Many posts here say maybe guys should treat women badly instead? Ironically men who are actually in successful relationships realise that that is a very naive assumption to make and they know women are not waiting for their dream abuser. If guys think women measure attractiveness by nice vs caveman they'll get nowhere as women are not that stupid or simplistic.


[edit on 5-5-2009 by riley]

If I may meddle back in, what are you guys talking about???

I'm a nice guy and simply being myself, I don't even need to change my nature even for a moment just for the sake of getting women, but I have no problems winning the heart of a woman!

But if you always try to go with hot chics, 'trophy women', then you have a big problem my friend.

If you think that only hot women only deserve the loving, then you are gravely mistaken

Originally posted by XTexan
Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Because it's the journey that's important.

Well, I would normally say that nice guys do finish last-except I kind of broke that last night (Prom). It took forever to figure out why someone cannot be with the person they like most-most of the time one of the partners just won't listen to each other. I mean, for the longest time I was constantly depressed because it seemed that I would always finish last-I was funny, polite, and would often help the other person. No matter what I tried, they never gained interest. Then last night I was just myself, and found someone that liked me just as much as I liked her. Needless to say, we may be together, we may not.

Moral of the story: It's not the end of the world if you're a "nice guy"; everyone can find another person that they are compatible with. Just be honest, and tell them how you really feel.