Protecting your marriage

I was reading some of the posts in another thread titled 'is flirting on the net cheating' www.belowtopsecret.com...'
and sometimes it surprises me that there is such a lack of value placed on committed relationships, mainly marriage. This reminded me of a blog that I wrote about a year ago about my views on Protecting and Valuing Marriage and thougt I would see what others had to say on the issue and to see what things others do to protect their relationship.

You can read the entire blog here: www.dbatesworld.com... (might have to scroll down to March 26, 2007 - Protecting Our Marriage) but here is small section from the blog

If your marriage is perfect that is great, but I hope some of this info will help some. I think when it comes to something as important as marriage we can never be too complacent into thinking we have no work to do.

* Affairs rarely start because you plan them out or you want them. Two people enjoy a friendly relationship, sometimes for years. Then one day some event takes place (daily stress, a moment of despair, a frustrated libido), and all of a sudden an innocent situation escalates to the point where it is dangerous to your marriage—or, it could happen unnoticeable step by unnoticeable step down the "slippery slope."

So why put yourself in this kind of situation? Why risk it? Why not protect your marriage, your spouse, your family, and yourself by authentically making your marriage your first priority?

Instead of taking the risk, build a fence around your marriage to keep it from even getting to that point. Create boundaries that will protect you from the possibility of unintentionally endangering your relationship.

Of course, that may mean giving up some activities you find pleasurable. But creating fences around your marriage is ultimately more rewarding than the small joys you get from flirting with a waitress or lunching with a questionable friend. It gives you assurance that the most important part of your life, your marriage, is safe from harm.

There is no going overboard in protecting your relationship with the person most precious to you in your entire world.

* Nobody wakes up one day and suddenly decides to begin an extramarital affair.

Infidelity begins in the heart and mind. By the time a person physically commits adultery, he or she has been indulging for quite some time in progressively more intense mental and emotional affairs.

Left unchecked, friendships or work relationships between men and women can easily evolve into emotional affairs.

Marital fidelity is a daily commitment to seek the best for your spouse and family.

Marital fidelity is strengthened when you affirm your spouse, listen to your spouse, and seek to meet his or her needs. It's also strengthened when you set healthy boundaries for your relationships outside of the home.

Marital fidelity produces lifelong rewards. In contrast, infidelity can cause years of untold anguish.

"Silently and imperceptibly, as we work or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak; and at last some crisis shows us what we have become" (B. F. Westcott). This is true in every area of life, including marital fidelity.

I totally agree with these remarks and I know that I followed everything that you have said in my previous relationship. Shame my ex wasn't on the same page as me after 5 years and we broke it off after she admitted she had feelings for my family friend.

To fully protect your commitment to your marriage, you need to consistently nurture your lawn. Water it, fertilize it, rake it, trim it carefully; pull some weeds. Most lawns — though not all, I admit — respond well to tender love and care. There's often a lot of life left in even the deadest-looking lawns. But you have to bring it out. And that takes making choices and following priorities. By sanctifying time for fun, friendship, spiritual connection, physical intimacy, and all the other things that bond you and your spouse, you'll be taking care of your lawn as well as you can.

I'm totally sick of 'grass cutters'. It's been the same problem in my past two relationships now. Women complain always that they can't find the right men.. and us men complain we can never find the right women.. hmm just a note even my best friend from the gym is having sex with one of the instructors and she has a husband and two kids. What has this world gotten to really.


[edit on 30-1-2009 by nahsik]

Originally posted by nahsik
Shame my ex wasn't on the same page

I think that is one of the biggest 'success secrets' when it comes to relationships ....... BOTH members have to be on the same page.

One person can't keep a marriage together, both members have to put the same value and respect towards the marriage to make it work.