Of all the luck...

I don't date much, not really big on 'em.
But, met a nice young lady and have been keeping in touch with her over the phone and messengers.
Great girl, meet up with her when I can, seeing as she's in another city.

Well, there were troubles at first with fending off her friend, but I finally go tthat sorted out, and we've been getting closer lately. She's having some serious family issues, and I've been helping her with them.

All good until alst Thursday. Another young lady, who is incredibly shy, gave me a Valentine's Day gift. A bit surprised, I was.
So... now I'm kind of lost. Both need some help, both are really great girls, and for some reason, they both really like me.
Now I'm about terrified, 'cause I don't want to hurt either one of them.

Any advice? Best I've gotten were some fairly... typical coments.

reply to post by RuneSpider


i know i am going to get flamed for this but make a list of what you are looking for in a perfect / dream partner. I don't mean things like - must be 5'10 with green eyes and perfect teeth. The list i personally have is similar to this...

1. Must be kind to animals
2. Must be generous
3. Must be involved in charity work
4. Should respect 'family' regardless of how far removed a 'cousin' is
5. Must be hospitable
6. Slow to anger
7. Must be patient .... etc

I personally in the past have found that comparing potential 'partners' to the list give me an indication of how compatible things will be. Generally the more things present, the less of a 'bad' person they are. And even if they have big Vices, the positives still offset them to a degree.

Sure looks matter a lot - but other things matter more.

That's just my experience...

Good luck and keep us updated!

p.s. don't be afraid to take things slow with both of them and treat them as good friends - till you figure out who is the right one for you. Let things evolve and see where it ends up. That way you are letting things take their course and will probably find that there is a less of a chance of 'hurting' one of the girls.

I must clarify that i am not advocating that you have Two gf's at the same time but rather two really good female friends and see who turns into your 'best' friend and eventually the official gf.


[edit on 25/1/09 by 04326]

Any advice? Best I've gotten were some fairly... typical coments.

The following is only my personal opinion....

You need to figure out what you really want first...you're kind of like getting in a car and driving without really knowing where you want to go right now...

Do you think either of these girls "do it" for you? If you aren't sure, develop a friendship with both, but a) make sure they know you want to become friends first, then take it from there, b) make sure they know about each other, and in that friend capacity, c) make sure they know that YOU are just trying to figure out what you're looking for, it's not them.

If you're still not sure, weigh the pros and cons as above...and pick one to pursue... Actively pursuing both (beyond friendship) will eventually only lead to both of them disliking you once it's all out in the open...

just my 2 cents, but you were involved with, and pursuing a relationship with girl number one before girl number two gave you a gift, out of the blue, and you , yourself were surprised by it.
i fail to see how this in any way should affect what you have with the first girl, unless there are other issues.
it's too bad if girl number two's feelings get hurt, yes that is very nasty of me, but that's life.

Depends on how far he's vested in either girl...

Girl 1 is in a different city, and a relationship there may be tricky at best.
Girl 2 is (presumably) closer?

If he's still just leaving home plate and heading for first base...
On the other hand, if he's already invested emotionally in girl 1, then yes, a bit unfair to girl 2, but he needs to let girl 2 down easy with the "I'm already in a relationship, but flattered" angle...

It's... complicated.
The second girl is closer. I wouldn't mind being with her at all.
The issue is, I do like the first girl a lot, but at this point almost more like a brother, she's had some really bad luck for awhile now and I've been helping her as I can.

Second girl's also someone I meet at a class I take, and if I made a mistake with her, I'd have nearly the entire class against me.
On the other hand, first girl would result on several people I know at work getting ticked off at me.

Problem is, to, that both need a bit of help. I can't really say no to that.

reply to post by RuneSpider


so from your most recent post i get the following conclusion:

you like girl 2 but would feel guilty b/c you don't want to hurt girl 1.
however, you feel that by dating girl 2 you will upset friends and lose a friendship with girl 1. And if things don't work out with girl2 then you have lost the respect of your class mates...

so essentially damned if you do and damned if you dont.

... so this whole dating girl 2 has come at an inconvenient time. You should ask yourself if going out with girl 2 is worth losing a friendship with girl 1 - this is something only you know the answer to.

And i still don't understand why you feel obligated to be a boyfriend to either one of these young ladies at this time? Are you not able to assist them whilst maintaining the 'friends' relationship?

sometimes one shouldnt rush into a relationship. Don't be shy to take things slow... but that's just my opinion.

good luck dude!

reply to post by 04326

It's a really messed up morals system I got. They're girls. Hurting girls is almost a phobia for me.
As for being their boyfriend, it's a role I end up in as I try to help, it seems.

Originally posted by RuneSpider
reply to post by 04326

 

As for being their boyfriend, it's a role I end up in as I try to help, it seems.

time for a change then me thinks... you are the only one who knows the true cost of any potential repercussions if one of these relationships fail.

I am a firm believer of the fact that one creates their own reality and in your reality, if you help a girl - you become their bf.

I know i have developed strong feelings for a couple of guys who helped me in tricky times too. Gosh! i still have them but boundaries were set and they did not budge regardless of how much i pestered them about being a bf. I am glad they did because they are still my friends rather than someone who would have been on the 'ex' list.

do what's right for you but don't fall into the trap of thinking that you have to do something because that's they way things have been in the past. Break the mold and create your own new reality