I am Insane and so disappointed!

I don't really know where to start but I was most dissappointed when I discovered that I had a multiple personality. Not because I was nuts but because 'all' my friends were not real. All the voices and all the things I saw were not real

The voices and hallucinations were in my own mind to try to get my mind to deal with experiences.

When I was in the midst of my crisis. I heard voices and saw things -> hallucinations. Now I consider that if I went to a Psychologist and said, "Hi, God spoke to me" The Psychologist would try to evaluate who God represents to me in my life, medicate me and perhaps even detain me.


I have written many threads about my issues, experiences and thoughts:

My Seven Seals, My Armageddon

Son of Man in the Clouds - I saw it!

Your Living Books - The Alpha & Omega

I was RAISED UP but am still here?

Multiple Selves, Being & Knowing

Then I consider what is logical?

We are programmed to function

Jewish Life of CHRIST as told by Sepher T Jeshu

The Greys are perhaps only Grey Areas of the mind:

The Abyss of the Soul

The fearful truth for me is that God only exists in my mind. Why? Because God spoke to me and I saw God. God represents the 'protector and comforter'... God psychologically could represent my replacement Father, the Policeman who helped me as a child or my Uncle who disciplined me or even another personality for me to dependently live with.

If we were to psychologicaly evaluate and analys our own thoughts and our own voices of reason and criticism then the outcome perhaps would be very disappointing.

Did anyone consider that when the Bible was written by 'Prophets' upon hearing the Word of God, that the Prophet was actually suffering from a Multiple Personality Disorder or Mental Disorder of some sort AND may have been having an inner battle/crisis with him/herself? Then proclaims God said this and God said that...


The visions in Revelation and Daniel are detailed and I have had my own visions... the sky is a fireball etc...would that be diagnosed as a hallucination?

So yes, it is very disappointing for me to accept that God is just another one of my multiple personalities that I prefer to live with. And even more disappointing is the fact that the person who 'heard the word of God' first was suffering an inner battle with themselves.

So after a psychological evaluation, I consider that I am insane and very disappointed.

The ancient Romans and Greeks did not have thin membrane connecting their two hemispheres of the brain and often heard voices, which lead them to believe that the statues of people were possessed by their gods.

Today, we have the membrane but people still hear voices for other reasons, with lack of sleep or allergies being one. I once went 3 days without sleeping, trying to study for 4 finals and a marketing presentation all within a 3 day span, and I swore I could hear what people were thinking when I sat near them.

reply to post by Thurisaz



Do not become disillusioned and become a slave to medications by admitting that your mind is just fantasy. The evil one wants you to give up hope and return to be a slave in the world and end your days like the rest of them and return to the earth.

The curse has been upon us so that the demons could be invited into our minds and corrupt us and even to deceive our thoughts so that we know not what we believe any more and give up all hope. Have faith, for all hope is not lost brother. Cry if you must, be the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is about to be slowly pruned back and the curse removed so that our eyes shall truly be opened to what is actually occurring here.

That is all I will say at this point.

reply to post by ben91069


On a more melow note.. leaving deomonds aside....

i would say just get on with it.. there aint nothing you can do.

be positive

ur very much normal in a very very crazy world

Hahaha..... voices....

I just hear my own damn voice saying # I don't want it to.

Am I crazy? =\

What would life be like if we didn't have beliefs?

I see you wrote that somewhere.

I can tell you what life would be like if we didn't have the belief in a greater good.

We would kill to get what we wanted. We would torture, rape, steal, kill, cannibalize just for the flavor of it, for the hell of it.

And you're crazy? No you're not. They're crazy.

My question is why do you need God to be REAL?

If you feel that the voice that speaks to you is God and gives you comfort, what is wrong? Accept that gift, regardless of whether or not it is REAL, your feelings are real. Your mind is giving you a gift. As long as those statements you hear do not tell you to harm yourself or others and don't interfere with your ability to thrive, then accept them, their REALNESS to the rest of the world is not really important.
*note* you can not be committed unless you are physical threat to yourself or others, additionally, you can not be made to take medication unless you have a court order forcing you too which only comes up if you are on some type of probation.

One thing that always helped me in times of confusion was to NOT look for what is real, but accept those things that are not real to make life easier for the time being and focus on improving my life in some way.

The fearful truth for me is that God only exists in my mind. Why? Because God spoke to me and I saw God. God represents the 'protector and comforter'... God psychologically could represent my replacement Father, the Policeman who helped me as a child or my Uncle who disciplined me or even another personality for me to dependently live with.

This is not a bad thing.

Did anyone consider that when the Bible was written by 'Prophets' upon hearing the Word of God, that the Prophet was actually suffering from a Multiple Personality Disorder or Mental Disorder of some sort AND may have been having an inner battle/crisis with him/herself? Then proclaims God said this and God said that...

Many people have asked this question and it ties to another statement you made.

The visions in Revelation and Daniel are detailed and I have had my own visions... the sky is a fireball etc...would that be diagnosed as a hallucination?

"John of Patmos" who wrote revelations was on an island FULL of hallucinogenics. Of course that could be a coincidence.

Living with an illness is a daily struggle. You've made it this far, keep telling yourself that you will survive, grow and CHANGE. What you believe today you may not believe tomorrow and that is JUST FINE, you don't have to have the answers. The world is beautiful and so are you!

Best of Luck.

Originally posted by theresult
ur very much normal in a very very crazy world

yes but what is normal?

I am not unhappy or distressed about it. Just analysing the thoughts I have and considered that if it is all is in my mind, then that is what is disappointing.

Wow! I have to give you credit for being able to accept the possibility that so much is in your head (not real). Many people never can accept reality for what it is and what is not. Of course you are disappointed - that was one heck of a revelation. I will pray for you. I hope you can find your truth and that it will give you strength.

reply to post by sad_eyed_lady


A lot of people will make up stories like the voices in their heads were from aliens or psychologists controlling them (I'm not discrediting the cases that are legit here but you know what I mean).

Anyways, to the OP... OP, it takes a lot of courage to admit something like that. I went through something similar and it made me question what I thought about reality. Now you should do the same. Just my $.02.

[edit on 16-1-2009 by Frankidealist35]

reply to post by sad_eyed_lady


thanks

I think we have to consider psychology in all we think, all we do. It is really disappointing if we consider the Rorschach Test:

From Thread: Is this a picture of Jesus in the clouds?
Posted by MajorMalfunction on July 5, 2007 at 17:50 GMT

There's an entire psychological test based on people seeing things in meaningless shapes -- the Rorschach inkblot test.

Little kids see shadows in the corner and think it's the boogeyman, when it's really just a pile of toys.

Our brain is designed to see stuff that isn't there. Imagination is a tool, yes, but like other tools it can be misused. Seeing a face in the clouds and calling it Jesus is wishful thinking.

From Thread: Is this a picture of Jesus in the clouds?
Posted by MajorMalfunction, on July 7, 2007 at 19:50 GMT

You want to see Jesus, so you see Jesus. Nobody else is seeing it, even with your superimposed images. Sorry, but I'm not buying it. You're seeing what you want to see.

Don't take it personally -- an imagination is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it can run away with you, that's all.

And that test only deals with the 'visuals' we see or think we see...

reply to post by Thurisaz
I can not think of anything more distressful than myself being normal. That is if we can define what normal is. I think normal is what the majority of people are doing. Anyway it sounds like a very dull life.

If we could look into the minds of our fellow humans I believe we would realize that we all have our moments of insanity. Some of us more than others.

The thing is that we analyze our actions and thoughts way too much. We would be much happier if we could laugh at ourselves and enjoy our minds adventures.

And you are disappointed that God and other things are all in your mind or would be disappointed? Tell me, where else can anything be? Isn't everything in our minds?

How can anything exist in our life if it is not in our mind first?

reply to post by Thurisaz



Now if you think about it this way.... Those halucinations your having are mearly your subconcious commands.

You should be able to control those visual halucinations if you practice.... IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITYS!

Controled visual and Auditory hallucination. You could hear your favorite song as if you where right there at a concert.... You could see things right in frount of you whose beauty is only limited by your imagination.

reply to post by Wertdagf


Could be an interesting exercise but I feel that it could perpetuate dysfunction... living in an imaginary place... daydreaming etc

I think it is better to stay grounded in the reality.

When ever you think of somthing crazy... just google it and make sur eyou know what is true.

Any voice you hear is just your own mind. If you can identify the source of the voice then you coulds control everything about it.

You have all of the tools infrount of you to keep your logic in check.