posted on Nov, 19 2008 @ 03:35 AM
*WARNING*
the post reply may be to sensitive/intellectual/long for some viewers. Reader discretion is advised.
First, I would like to mention that I do not believe in the traditional, sprititual, world; ones that people are willing to die for/ to kill for
(whatever that may mean). Having mentioned this, I also do not believe that the world is what our fore, fore, Fore, FORE Fathers have taught us to
believe, taught us too know!
My background:
23 yrs old.
Aquarius.
Japanese Canadian.
1st S.P. encounter: age 18.
I have had SP about 30 times (that I can remember) from about the age of 18 ( again, from when I remember) Now I am 23 *question* was the first time
the most frighting? or as it progressed did it get more and more frightening? For me, the first was the scariest, BEFORE I was introduced to "Donny"
and BEFORE I decided to look up sleep paralysis on google.
The last paragraph may of proposed more questions than answers. However this reply is to show other SP victims my experiences.
"So, FU** YOU. HATERS."
SP: The First Time.
I was young, like other first-timers, it was hands down the single most scariest thing i've ever experienced(period) For the first few times I felt
scared, confused, and most of all helpless. and Yet, their was no feeling of a "being" present. Just FEAR at its FU**ING best.
SP: A few years ago.
About 2 years ago I quit smoking (MJ). I did this for school and love for my parents. However, before this I did not have SP for quit some time. After
quiting (MJ) I could remember my dreams, as if they were real, as if I have never had any before. Every touch I felt, every sound I heard, and
everything, I feared.
SP: The day of Donny.
I cannot remember the exact night this happened. However, I will never, ever, forget what DID happen. It was of coarse night( when most of my SP
occurrences happen) I was awake when going into SP, instead of sleeping while waking into SP. I new where I was (physically, but, mentally I was
lost). At this point in my life I knew how to rid myself of SP (how to wake up immediately). However I did not want to wake up at this particular
moment. I wanted answers (whatever they were). My questions were random: Who are you?, where are you from? why me?, what do you want from me? The only
answer I got was from " who are you? " The reply was "Donny" after which, I remember hearing the words "THANK YOU" followed by an intense
vibrating feeling on my lower spine( I sleep mostly on my stomach and sides).
SP: Now.
After having SP so many times, after feeling the fear that comes with it, the occasional pain/ pleasure, the unanswered questions, the helplessness,
the FEAR, I cannot help but want more of IT.
Unfortunately, the only way I can, is to invoke it. To some-how allow it to take over me, and only then can I truly understand it for myself.
Call me a psycho, call me a scit-zo, or call me a masochist for wanting this "fear" upon me. It does not matter. I KNOW that I am not alone.
I do know that I will probably never know the truth about SP whether I am "here" or on the "ROAD TO AWE".
*THANK YOU* if you made it this far.
PLEASE write back to me!
I need to know more!
Before it's too late!
-TheMeanSeen-