Extremely frustrated with myself.

Alright, so here's the thing. I met this new girl recently. I met her at a mutual friend's party, and we hit it off great. I got her number, texted her a few days later just to test the water, and she responded very well. We're both busy individuals, and we live kind of far apart (about 45 minutes,) but she was really cool so I figured I'd give it a shot. She started texting me a lot, showing very obvious signs of interest. Over the next few days, we were texting back and forth constantly (I know, very typical for my age group,) and I set up a date. We went out, had a great time, etc. etc. After that, we've still been talking and texting on a regular basis. We have plans to go out again pretty soon.

Now here's the problem: It's only been a couple of weeks, and I'm already getting paranoid...already worrying over nothing. I think it might be a result of how badly my last relationship ended. Maybe I'm scarred, I don't know, but lately the frequency of text messages has reduced quite a bit, and I'm actually worried about it. I mean, we've been texting back and forth constantly for the past two weeks...it has to drop off sooner or later, right? And yet...it bothers me. Today, she posted pictures on her myspace of her at some political party. She was hanging out with these guys, and I started to worry! She's not even my girlfriend yet, and I'm already worrying and being paranoid. "Oh no! What if she's interested in one of them? What if she decides to end things with me and start seeing one of them!?" What the Hell is wrong with me!? Trust me - I know how completely absurd this is. I have no evidence at all that she's interested or seeing anyone else, and even if she was, she's doing absolutely nothing wrong because we've only ever seen each other three times. And yet...there it is. I'm thinking about it too much, I'm worried about it too much, and it's starting to make me unhappy. I reason back and forth, and conclude that I have no rational reason to be feeling this way, yet it's still there. It's been 6 months since my last relationship ended, so it's not like I rushed right into something. I took my time, right? I was happy and self-sufficient again when I met her, so it's not like I should be having dependency issues.

I'm seriously considering just calling it off with her. If I can't even date a girl for two weeks without starting to worry about her losing interest or meeting someone else, then maybe I just shouldn't be in a relationship. But it can't go on like this forever. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life just because I can't handle being in a relationship. What am I supposed to do? Agh, I'm just extremely frustrated with myself right now. I really thought I'd made a ton of progress since the last breakup, and yet here I am...wondering if she's going to text me anytime soon. Sitting here thinking about her instead of getting things done that need to be done - the same behavior that probably made my last relationship fail, and also caused it to hurt so much when it ended. How do I break out of this pattern? Has anyone else been through this type of psychosis?

You seem to have the exact same problem as I do about having to be in a relationship, however you and I know you shouldn't be worried about this so long as you are just dating.

That's why they call it dating, because it isn't marriage and not as serious, although it can feel like it sometime. The thing you really have to believe is that it isn't conditional yet, neither one of you have made any serious commitments so you can't hold each other completely accountable yet and thus you have to rationalize your worries defined around those concepts if you both agree to them.

Maybe you should talk to her and set some ground rules. If she can't agree to not seeing someone else or she wants you to make that same commitment then you'll have something legitimate to work with.

Just my two cents.

Herman, you simply have to be brave and strong....\

of course this new adventure is going to be triggering the same things that hurt you the last time, -- but dont you see?, -- you thought that you had gotten over all that, -- but just to see if you really had, ? -- along comes this situation, -- and now you are faced with it again,... again...

The thing is, -- this is okay, -- and even if it doesnt feel okay, it still is -- because it is giving you the chance to 'overcome' this crap, and move on towards a loving relationship - which is something that we would all want, even if a lot of us would never admit it !

so plow through brother, -- face it, and be brave, -- it wont kill you, -- it will strengthen you --- and no matter the person in question (the girl) -- because she has just shown up to teach you to be fearless, -- and you are probably going to teach her stuff along the way too --- its all okay, -- and even if you end up stuffing it up -- its still okay, -- because you will meet somebody else, and on and on it goes, --- until you overcome......

...do you kind of see what I mean ....

we all have these insecurities at the beginning, --

good luck ....

Talk to her about it Tell her how you feel, tell her that you are trying to work through it, She may be the one able to help calm those fears or at least work through them with you.

Maybe you are just not ready for a relationship,
Stuff like that can eat away at you and make you very unhappy destroying something that was ment to be positive, Maybe you need more time to find confidence and love your self a little more,

Good luck with it all, Try being open with her, thats always a good start.

Thanks for the responses, guys. It appears, though, that I most likely wasn't just being paranoid...again. Maybe I have really good intuition...I should just learn to start trusting it. The frequency of communication has dropped to almost none over the past two days, and I'm now about 90% sure that I'm being lied to and that she's going to cancel the plans we had for Sunday, which I was very excited about. Luckily, the plans happened to be a trip up north with some of my friends, so it will still be fun. I'm just very fed up with people. Why can't we just be honest with each other. I mean, we clearly had something going, if she's found another guy or something why doesn't she just tell me? Instead, she's going to wait until the last possible minute to cancel, or just disappear completely. I'm so sick of having my now pessimistic views on dating and people reinforced. Argh! It's so frustrating! BUT, life goes on. I've made the decision that if she bails on Sunday, I'm cutting her off. It's time for me to take control. I don't want a repeat of what happened last time.

What you did here was put your cart before the horse. You have to stop and relax and just be yourself and not get to be a jumble of nerves over it. The two of you are not mutually exclusive it is quite alright for her to date and talk to other guys. Early in a relationship it is very bad to show too much interest this will turn a girl off very easily and quickly you need to learn how to play the game a bit is all. you will be fine and odds are if you dont go crazy with the texting and keep your distance a little bit she will probably start up again.

I can only say that "texting" is no way to have a conversation.

If you really like her, phone her, go see her....TALK to her.

And 45 minutes is LOCAL.

"Bashing" out abbreviated messages is sooo inpersonal and doesn't allow any kind of real connection.

just my 2 cts

Originally posted by Jovi1
What you did here was put your cart before the horse. You have to stop and relax and just be yourself and not get to be a jumble of nerves over it. The two of you are not mutually exclusive it is quite alright for her to date and talk to other guys. Early in a relationship it is very bad to show too much interest this will turn a girl off very easily and quickly you need to learn how to play the game a bit is all. you will be fine and odds are if you dont go crazy with the texting and keep your distance a little bit she will probably start up again.

I completely agree with you here - thus my frustration in my original post. I get this way easily, but luckily I don't act on it. And actually, I rarely establish communication...I'm really more of the 'let her come to me' type. The problem here is that she's stopped coming to me haha.

I can only say that "texting" is no way to have a conversation.

If you really like her, phone her, go see her....TALK to her.

And 45 minutes is LOCAL.

"Bashing" out abbreviated messages is sooo inpersonal and doesn't allow any kind of real connection.

just my 2 cts

I agree. I'm only using the texting thing as a gauge to measure potential interest. I'm not a big 'texter' myself, but I kind of look at it as "Wow, she was sending my a billion text messages a day, and then she suddenly stopped. That's odd."

I should also mention that by 45 minutes, I mean at 2am, all freeway, no traffic, hitting every green-light...and even then, I have to speed. Realistically, it's more like an hour and 15 to an hour and a half.