Re-opening the lines of communication?

Hey guys. Something's been bugging me lately, and I was wondering if I could get some opinions on it. About five months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. Although I was devastated, I'm also a pretty stubborn guy, and I did not hound her or ask for her back. I asked her if she was sure of her decision, and when she said yes, I let her walk away. About two weeks after the breakup, I sent her a simple email telling her that if she meant it when she said she wanted to remain friends, I'm cool with that. I said I wasn't ready to talk yet, but that perhaps we could when she gets back from vacation. She replied and said that she'll talk to me when she gets back. That never happened, and it was about four months ago. That was the last form of communication I had with her. The thing is, we were great friends before the relationship, and the relationship really only lasted about 5 months. We had A LOT in common. We were the kind of friends that hit it off immediately. Lately I've been thinking back to some of the great times we had together, the discussions, the support we gave each other, etc., and it's really been bothering me to think that she's perfectly fine just never seeing me again. My mentality this whole time has been this: She's the one that broke it off; therefore, she's the only one that can re-open the lines of communication. It was pretty damn clear that I did not want the breakup to happen, so if it were I who suggested we start talking again, I would never know how she really felt. Were we ever really friends, or was she just pining for me? Do I really mean anything at all to her, or is it just pity? See where I'm going here?

But recently I've been wondering if maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps she feels guilty for the way it all happened, and maybe she thinks it's me who wants nothing to do with her. I'm considering sending her another email - not asking to hang out, but just to at least start talking again...to stop pretending that we don't exist to each other, and maybe get over some of the baggage. I mean, it's been five months and it's still bothering me. Maybe I need closure or something. So much was said during the breakup, and if we could at least sort of...smooth things over again, there's a possibility I could feel much better about all of it. There's no hope for a relationship between us right now anyway. She moved an hour away, and we both work a lot and are full time college students. It just wouldn't work again, so what's the harm? Some of the happiest times of my life, when I look back, were times I had with her hanging out when we were good friends. To think that all of that meant nothing and is gone for good is kinda killing me.

What do you think? Was I right in the first place in that I should just wait until she makes the effort, and then forget about it if she doesn't? See, a lot of my dignity is still intact due to the fact that I never once begged for her to stay. I didn't call her crying or write her asking if we can just hang out again. I let things happen, and that's one of the only things about the breakup that I can look back on with a little bit of pride. This could potentially ruin all of that. Any advice? Anyone with a similar experience?

Email her. She will either respond or not. If she does, see what can be salvaged. If not, get on with your life. I don't mean to sound harsh but those are really the only two things that can happen. Your questions will be answered either way......

If she wanted to talk to you she would have made the initial effort herself. Even if she was too nervous or upset to do it herself, then she would have at least responded when you made the first step. It looks like she doesn't have any need for there to be any contact between you.

I think it's time to move on and forget about her.

Originally posted by sc2099
If she wanted to talk to you she would have made the initial effort herself. Even if she was too nervous or upset to do it herself, then she would have at least responded when you made the first step. It looks like she doesn't have any need for there to be any contact between you.

I think it's time to move on and forget about her.

yup

move on. theres no point being "friends" with her because you know you have feelings for her still, and she obviously doesnt share those feelings. shes going to treat you like a friend and itll just eat you up to the point where you (if yall talk again) will ruin the new friendship.

[edit on 3-10-2008 by Question Fate]

I had to re-type this because of some connection error when I tried to post the first copy.

Anyway...

I understand your situation. You did well not talking to her for a while after the breakup, if you had spoken to her too much, etc., you may have come off needy, etc.

Just drop her an email asking how she is, etc. Talk like you were good friends again. When the situation arises, tell her how busy you've been. Give her the gift of missing you.

I hope things work out for you, I really do. I'm kind of in the same boat and know how much it sucks. Keep us informed, man.

Originally posted by sc2099
If she wanted to talk to you she would have made the initial effort herself. Even if she was too nervous or upset to do it herself, then she would have at least responded when you made the first step. It looks like she doesn't have any need for there to be any contact between you.

I think it's time to move on and forget about her.

I wasn't really clear in my initial post. She did reply to my email. Her exact words were "I'll talk to you (and vice versa) when I get back." She was gone for a week, and then there was no follow-up email. I essentially took this to mean exactly what you just said. I've been doing everything in the books to get over this, including literally forcing myself not to think about it. I guess I just don't know what else to try. It's insane that this is still bothering me. I should have been over it months ago. We've been broken for longer than we were dating! I've been extremely busy, too, so it's not like I've been dwelling on it or anything. It's just...always kind of there. I guess I was hoping that maybe a little closure could finally seal up the wound once and for all.

xeroxed,

I might just try that. I'm really not sure if I have it in me, though. I mean it's not like I'm going crazy about it or anything. I'm doing pretty well, but like I said, I just really think I should be completely over it by now, and I'm not. There's gotta be some reason why I'm still thinking about it 5 months after the breakup. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the advice.

You gotta understand that a new relationship to a lot of girls is no new thing. Most of them, especially the pretty ones are ALWAYS in at least one relationship since highschool. If you two weren't even dating for 5months it was probably not even a big deal to her. Did you ever find out what her longest relationship was?

Originally posted by Techsnow
You gotta understand that a new relationship to a lot of girls is no new thing. Most of them, especially the pretty ones are ALWAYS in at least one relationship since highschool. If you two weren't even dating for 5months it was probably not even a big deal to her. Did you ever find out what her longest relationship was?

Yeah, I was her first "real" relationship as well. She said she dated a few guys here and there, but it didn't last more than a couple of months, and I was the first guy she ever said she loved, among other things. I know that in most cases a 5 month relationship isn't much at all, but this case really was different, unless she was lying to me about A LOT of things...which at this point I wouldn't have a hard time accepting.

Going back to my original post, I decided not to contact her yet. I'm almost completely over her at this point, so I figure why risk having this all crash over me again? I might as well wait until I'm completely over her for sure, and then decide if I really want to still be friends with her.

reply to post by Herman


I wouldn't contact her again. It's only gonna make you wanna :w: again... Really, consider the possibility that she was lying about past relationships by at least 50%.