Straight camps.

I don't know if this is the right forum so feel free to move it if it's not.

I have reached a breaking point, and feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I wanted to write about my experience in these so called 'straight-camps'.

So basically the last month i've been doing group therapy with a bunch of gay guys at a local Catholic Church, to be honest I looked forward to this and was excited about the fact that I could be 'changed'. But i'm going to give everyone a little bit about how I ended up in this posistion.

So about 3 years ago when I was 16 I told my mom and dad I was bi. Hardest decision ever, but I had to do it because I couldn't keep living a lie, I knew whatever happened it wouldn't be good. I live in Alabama, possibly the most conservative state in the United States. My parents have been religious all my life but never really forced it on me untill now.

So back to me being 'bi'. At that time I knew I wasn't really bi, I knew i was gay, just didn't want to let them know that I was completely gay because I wanted my mom to have a little hope for having grandkids and it would have really let her down when she was already pretty down.

So fast-forward 3 years, I had to drop out of school a year after I told them because I wasn't welcomed back to school with open arms after I 'came-out' (I live in a really small town where everyone knows everyone), basically my mom told my grandma and it traveled through the grape vine. It got pretty bad, I got bashed and all kinds of drama happened.

Anyways my parents supported me and comforted me and we all moved on, everything got alot better. But I couldnt' keep lieing to them, I would meet a girl every once and awhile who would help me perpetuate the lie of me bi to my parents and then the guilt settled in and I came clean. That's when I found out how much my parents really cared about me, they put me in therapy to 'turn' me straight.

Now onto that part, it was so emotionally draining, it was like boot camp. I was forced to look at pics of males nude and if their was any sign or arousal I was slapped in the face thrice with a ruler, and and one point in time had a switch taken to my legs. The only reason why I tolerated was fear of being shunned by everyone I knew and plus I fell in love while I was their, that never worked out because he was scared and his parents were abusive because he was 'the work of satan'. I've had people yelling and spitting in my face asking me why I made this choice why did I do it?

I just asked them "why would I choose to put myself through this"? I could have either lived a lie or been happy. Their were some people who this technique may have worked on but I fear it's because they wanted acceptance and they were willing to live a lie, that's my opinion and i'm not stating it as a fact.

I have a feeling people are going to be hearing alot more of these stories, I heard from the people their that alot of churches around Alabama are going to start this kind of therapy, and it worries me and just pushes me further from everything religous, what kind of loving religion would want you to live a lie? lie to yourself and everyone around you?

I know this isn't the most important issue at the moment with all that's going on with world affairs but it should be talked about.

Thanks.

I honestly didn't know that such camps existed. It is funny that they call it therapy as it sounds a lot more like brainwashing. Amazing that they think something like this would "fix" you.

I am sorry that you are living this. I don't know the particulars about your life, but if it were me I would just get out of town. I can't imagine small town Alabama ever really embracing you and I doubt that you are going to be "fixed" at camp. I would leave and find someplace that is more accepting so I could live a happier life.

It sounds like you are young enough and you don't have anything tying you down, so what do you have to lose?

Oh my God! I did not know they still did that in these camps. My thoughts are- you can't "pray away the gay." You can't change someone who is gay. People are what they are, and are attracted to what they are attracted to.

I am straight, so I am in no position to give an advice based on experience. But is there any way for you to leave? Perhaps get a job or go to college in another more liberal area? Not only is it unfair for you to be treated this way, it would seem that it would be hard for you to find another man to date- unless you are picking up the guys in your therapy group.

I am an atheist, but if I were going to believe in a God I would believe that he loves all of his children and would NOT want them to live a lie.

Man that makes me sick, Why would Anyone think they could change one's sexual preference by slapping it out of them?
I live in a small town as well and have not been around many bi/gays and honestly don't know what to say around them but one thing I do know.

They are people, just like anyone else
People are misinformed to think gays choose to be gay and they can change there mind, much like certain religions. They have a tone like "You're not like me so I'm going to do anything in my power to make you like me"
Its just pure ignorance at its best.
I think I would take the poster's suggestion above mine though, get out while you can cause before you know it, they will be something that keeps you there.

It seems odd to me that this was moved to BTS. You would think that camps set up to beat the gay out of someone would be conspiracy worthy....

Oh well. Good luck to the OP.

I just want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this and to lend some support.

I agree that if you can, you should consider moving away.

I'm not making this suggestion facetiously, but are you friendly enough with some of the others at bootcamp that you could go together?

Moving to a city on your own might be difficult for you, having one or two friends who understand you would be an enormous help.

Another idea would be to find some gay support groups and see what advice they can offer you.