Please read, my dad needs help. My evil mother wants to "eat him for lunch" in court

Please read this whole thing because I really need some help.

I'm not sure if this is where I should post this thread, but I know that there are a lot of smart people on this site, and I figured there was somebody out there that could help me out.

First off, I'm a 19 year-old college student and I have a twin brother. In the 7th grade my mother left my dad (on his birthday) to stay with her boyfriend who she had been cheating on him with. After that, everything changed for our family. Me and my brother hated our mom for a bit, and we lived with our dad and helped him through the difficult time. We found out that they had actually never been married because my mother would cheat on him over and over whenever he was about to marry her. He stayed with her because he didn't want us to grow up in a broken home.

They had been together for about 14 years. We live in Iowa, a common law state, so theoretically they were married. She didn't try to take anything from him when she left, but ever since then she has never payed my dad a cent of child support. She even left him with over $26,000 of credit card debt. This debt was all on her credit cards, but she had conned my dad into refinancing our house and putting that money on the loan for him to pay. He did it because it would be cheaper in the long run, and he figured they'd be together forever so her bills were his in a way. Just so happens she left him two months later. Pretty sure that was planned, but who knows.

Eventually she wanted my dad to remove her from his house loan, which he did under the circumstance that she would agree to pay him a sum of $240 a month until all that credit card debt was paid off. He made contract at the bank and they both signed on this with signed witnesses. She paid this for a bit, but then said it was getting hard and my dad, being a real nice guy, said she could cut it down to $200 a month. Then later she lost her job, and once again my dad cut her a break and said she could wait to pay until she got a new job. Once she did, she never started paying again. Then, whenever he asked her about it she would hang up the phone or threaten to take half his stuff and take us (which he wouldnt be able to deal with). She has taken advantage of my dad and left him in deep debt raising two kids on his own with no support.

Anyways, now my mom is married and has a house of her own with her husband. My brother and I, realizing what a tight situation my father is now in, managed to convince him to see a lawyer about getting her to follow through on the contract. Now she has gotten her own lawyer and says she is going to countersue and say that they were married and she wants half of his stuff. Is it just me, or does the fact that she's married make this impossible for her (bigotry?). Also, can anyone give any advice that I can relay to my dad on how to deal with this situation and get everything he deserves. I'm not sure if he can get some kind of back child support either, so any help would be very much appreciated. Neither I or my father have much insight on law and other related things, so that's why I brought it here.

That's pretty bad.

Do you and your mother talk at all?

If you do, then maybe try a heart to heart talk with her, make her change for YOU.

A talk with your mother? think that would have any effect?

If your father already has a lawyer he should be alright in this. As long as he keeps legal representation he will be fine.

Your mother already being married to another gentleman will have a big impact on the case and be grounds for dismissal.

Second your dad must apply to the state for child support. You two being so old may negate him getting anything but his lawyer should be able to handle it.

finally make sure the lawyer handles everything. Make him work for your dad and don't let your dad get sidetracked by any dealings.

Worst thing I ever did in my life was go into a divorce court room without a lawyer. I am talking from experience here, without a lawyer by my side, my life was completely ruined forever.

reply to post by _Phoenix_


Yeah, we have a pretty good relationship with her now, but we try to pretend like we don't know all of what's going on around her because we don't want to pick sides. I mean, we're totally on our dad's side, because our mom is clearly in the wrong, but she's the kind that will just get all pissed for even bringing that kind of stuff up. It's truly impossible to change her mind about anything. If I thought there was even a little bit of chance that a talk would help I would certainly give it a shot. Unfortunately I highly doubt it with her personality. Thanks for the advice though.

Even though your Dad has a lawyer, don't stop searching for solutions.

Make him earn his wages by making sure he's doing all he can.

Good luck.

reply to post by IAPremed


It may be tough to talk to your mom, but I think you two should have a nice heart to heart with her. Ask her why exactly she's trying to ruin your life and lay a huge guilt trip on her. Tell her she's being a selfish git and she's the one who left her children with her debts to live with her boyfriend.

Keeping it botteld inside and pretending everything is happy happy is not helping anything. Even if she doesn't listen, at least she will know how the two of you will feel if she goes through with it.

Your dad most likely will not be able to get any back child support unless he has applied for child support in the past.

However I don't necessarily think it will be so easy for her to just come in and take half of his stuff either. If she removed herself from the home loan then I am pretty sure she forfeits rights to the propety and also if they signed an agreement that she would make payments...she is still legally responsible for that.