Alien Chick wants to pick me up in her ride. Shall I drive?

Dear Miss Manners,

I have recently met a dear young woman whom I greatly admire. The only problem is that she's from another world. Literally. She is from Beta Andari and I am from the upper Midwest. Assuming that I'm the one who is driving what recommendations can you make as far as how to make our date memorable so that I will see her again? I don't wish to upset her or her father (Lord Utangi) through some bad mannerism.

Perplexed in the Midwest.


Dear Perplexed,
There are several mistakes that many a young man makes while taking a woman out on a date. You mentioned that you were driving. We shall stick to the basic Do's and Don'ts of this.

1)DO remember to keep your craft under the posted Lightyear per hour speed limits. Being pulled over and arrested by the local Police Warp Shuttle can be a serious dampener on your date.

2) DO read the manual prior to taking off with your date. While running out of fuel can at times be an acceptable gambit. It looks very bad if you can't find the gauge.

3) DO look left, right and then left again when crossing the spacelanes. You never know when a Dreadnaught will come trundling through and you will impress her with your driving skills.

4) Don't reach with the Hyperdrive engage button with your right hand. It is an insult to the Beta Andari.

5) Don't confuse your Low Beams on the dashboard with the Repulser beams. It's all right to show courtesy to oncoming traffic in the Spacelanes. However repulsing oncoming traffic is very gauche. Especially if it's a Police warpshuttle that you blow right off the spacelanes.

6) Don't forget to drop her off promptly at her parents planet at the end of your date. Dropping her off late (or worse trying to sneak in past the planetary defenses without being detected) can lead to repercussions later on. Please remember that Lord Utangi commands a rather large fleet and has a hair trigger temper. He is likely to send his fleet after you if you drop his daughter off late or try to sneak her in through the backdoor and get caught at it.

Some General tips when dealing with the Beta Andari:

1) Speak in low tones. Their hearing apparatus is sensitive to high pitches.

2) Fried wattleburgers on Ice is a great delicacy with them. So if offered some then please do accept.

3) When greeting Lord Utangi the proper method is to bow down, rotate completely once and then rise. This shows your subservience to him and he will think better of you.

4) Salad Forks on the left of the plate, 3 sided drinking spigot on the right. Watch out for the edges when drinking to avoid dribbling on your shirt.

5) Nod your head for no, shake your head for yes, and tilting you head to the left means maybe. Tilting your head to the right means that you wish to examine the stronghold pet for intestinal parasites.

Follow these rules and your date should go smoothly.

Yours truly,
Miss Manners.


Edited for spelling


[edit on 9-8-2008 by Deson]

That is my kind of weird joke.

Dating alien tips by Miss Manners

Thanks a lot, it might help with my Alien girlfriend, been having problems lately.

[edit on 9-8-2008 by _Phoenix_]

Great info.... I will keep this in mind if I ever have a date with an alien.


[edit on 9-8-2008 by fishneedh2o]

Originally posted by fishneedh2o
Great info.... I will keep this in mind if I ever have a date with an alien.


[edit on 9-8-2008 by fishneedh2o]

let's just hope the alien isin't related to the one dan tanna beat up. if it is..then there might be a problem.