Jesus returns, what's he going to say?

reply to post by UFOpsychiczebra


some say he's going to do what the christians say he's going to do
...others say he's going to say "praise allah!", convert to islam, and lead the holy army of god
...others still say he's going to say "...screw you guys, i'm going home" and leave us to our own crap.

In my messed up imagination he jumps put of a helicopter with an M-16 and sunglasses and becomes the leader of an elite crime fighting vigilante group known only as 'The J-Team'.

In reality, he'd just say something philosophical then spend many years trying to prove he's the real deal!

here's the invoice.

2 lines

Well, I wouldn't come back if I was Jesus. I'm the kind of guy who leaves the scene of the crime though.

Originally posted by UFOpsychiczebra
Lets just say that Jesus returns to Earth, what would be the first thing he would say? The first few words? And what is the first thing he would do?

Jesus is going to punish all those evil people.

He will say and do this:

Amos 9 - NIV

1 I saw the LORD standing beside the altar, and he said: "Smite the capitals until the thresholds shake, and shatter them on the heads of all the people; and what are left of them I will slay with the sword; not one of them shall flee away, not one of them shall escape. 2 "Though they dig into Sheol, from there shall my hand take them; though they climb up to heaven, from there I will bring them down. 3 Though they hide themselves on the top of Carmel, from there I will search out and take them; and though they hide from my sight at the bottom of the sea, there I will command the serpent, and it shall bite them. 4 And though they go into captivity before their enemies, there I will command the sword, and it shall slay them; and I will set my eyes upon them for evil and not for good."

....

Don't ever think that His second coming is to bring peach to the earth, but He will bring a sword to those evil people! Only then, He will bring in the millennium peace around the world after He has weeded out every evil and wicked people out of His kingdom.

reply to post by amitheone


Hey pal, I thought he loved us?

He's going to justify killing loads of people because "He" thinks they are evildoers? Doesn't particularly follow his own teachings does he?

I am really not certain what He is going to say, but I'm pretty sure I can tell you what He is not going to say, and that is..."Darlings, I love what you've done with the place."

Originally posted by UFOpsychiczebra
Lets just say that Jesus returns to Earth, what would be the first thing he would say? The first few words?

Jesus: Dudes, I can't believe how many of you bought the de Vinci Code. I mean really.
World:Umm, geez yeah, sorry about that(shifts uneasily, avoids eye contact with Jesus by staring at the ground).....umm, should we crucify Dan Brown now?
Jesusoutraged) Are you crazy, shame on you. Besides, I want find out how he busted me for doing Mary Magdeline, my old man didn't even know until the movie came out. He loves Tom Hanks, by the way, my old man(God) says Toms role in Cast Away,where he is stranded on a beautful island with only a volleyball to talk to, is the closest thing he as ever seen to his own life story.



On a serious note. I hope i hear him call my name.

[edit on 31-7-2008 by atlasastro]

Originally posted by MacDonagh
reply to post by amitheone

 

Hey pal, I thought he loved us?

He's going to justify killing loads of people because "He" thinks they are evildoers? Doesn't particularly follow his own teachings does he?

You have to read everything. God has given men enough time to repent but according to scriptures, men did not repent, they were evil continually. The end time will be full of killings. They will persecute the saints during the reign of the beast. God will avenge the saints blood.

God will only destroy those armies of the beast at the battle in Armageddon. They fought and rebel against God. These will consist of all the armies of the world who were for the beast.

They are actually many people that repented and did not worship the beast anymore and accepted Jesus - for whoever calls the name of the Lord will be saved.

reply to post by UFOpsychiczebra


I guess he would do and behave like every newborn would do (if he has ever decided to incarnate new)?!

And probably just smile and accept whatever comes in front of him

But on a more serious note ... why do you think he ever left?!?
I mean in the case of a Jesus, Buddha, ... it's not about the persons/bodies it's about their souls energy that this is still present after more then 2000 years on the globe. Whenever you come around and look at a picture, statue, cross, church, etc. with him/them you could try to listen with your heart ...
You will be able to still feel and perceive their presence and maybe get the answers to your questions.

Originally posted by UFOpsychiczebra
Lets just say that Jesus returns to Earth, what would be the first thing he would say?

BRAAAAIINNSSS!!!!

And what is the first thing he would do?

grab someone by the neck and chomp on their skull.

uncyclopedia.org...

he will meet all the priests and say:
OMG that's not what i meant by love thy young ones!

and/or

a blacked presidential candidate and a black golf champ? white rappers? gayman playing magneto and dumbledore? all this in 3 days? Jesus Christ!


and/or

repent everyone! or i will hold the world for a ransom of 1 million dollars!



[edit on 31-7-2008 by beastamerica]

He might say: "I've come to kick @#s and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of gum." And then proceed to do so. I mean heck, if I was Jesus, that's what I would do.


(edited for spelling)


[edit on 2-8-2008 by seeker83]

reply to post by holidaystar1

Originally posted by holidaystar1
I am really not certain what He is going to say, but I'm pretty sure I can tell you what He is not going to say, and that is..."Darlings, I love what you've done with the place."

The above quote deserves a repost.

Im pretty sure your right

Peace

[edit on 3-8-2008 by HIFIGUY]