The Process Church wants me to have a happy birthday.

So when I was living in Vegas I had a gig in a casino and one of my co-workers was a pretty nice guy but kind of a strange duck. He was always trying to get me to accompany him to his church meetings, because I guess I just vibed "Guy in need of being saved". To get him off my back I relented and on a Tuesday night we drove out to somebody's house, where at that time his "church" was still meeting in a basement.

The basement was really tacky, straight out of WKRP in Cincinatti--shag carpeting, hula girl lamp, a velvet matador painting, etc. What really stood out was how much the dude liked The Wizard of Oz. There was an overwhelming amount of Oz crap on display.

So the meeting got started and everything was pretty straightforward fundie jive. I met a girl there named Autumn, and we sort of hit it off, so I decided to come back the next week and kind of nod and chant along and try to pick her up before, after, and during the service. The church was called the Foundation Faith of God.

I mention the name of the church to a buddy of mine later in the week and he says "Oh man, that's the old Process Church. They moved out here when even the people in Cali thought they were too weird". I thought he was full of it because these guys were really pretty subdued and the stuff they were preaching and saying seemed as mainstream as a church that meets in somebody's basement can get. I don't really buy into the fundamentalist Christian schtick but it wasn't like they were saying that Jesus was a martian or praying to The Goat With a Thousand Young or anything.

The next week, Autumn is receptive bordering on frisky and I give her my cell number and then ask somebody, casually, if they have any relation to the Process Church. Dude clams up immediately and I'm getting the impression maybe it's a sore spot.

Well, after the meeting I head home feeling pretty good about Autumn and where she'd had her hand during the benediction but a little weird about the whole "Am I hanging out with Charlie Manson's first cult?" thing. It takes about 30 seconds on Google to confirm that The Process Church did, in fact, move to Vegas and change their name to Foundation Faith of God. Sources are also saying that they cleaned up their act, mainstreamed their dogma, severed old ties, etc etc.

Still, I feel plenty strange and the whole Oz motif is starting to feel a little more sinister. So I just stop going. I don't even call Autumn. But either Autumn or my buddy from work gave somebody my real number, because after that every couple of weeks I'd get a phonecall from the pastor telling me that I'd been missed and should really consider coming back.

The longer I stayed away and the more I avoided the phonecalls the less frequent they became, but my birthday is in a week or so and a couple of days ago I received a birthday card from the Foundation Faith of God with a picture of a dove on the front. The card is inscribed "We miss you" and signed by a bunch of people from the congregation. It looks like they've moved and maybe they even have a building to meet in by now.

The thing is, I honestly don't know how messed up or cultish their real doctrines and activities are now. Maybe they've cleaned up. Maybe the more you get sucked in the more they trot out the craziness. I know that several congregation members would talk about upcoming "Invite only" committee meetings and hinted that, if I kept showing up faithfully and putting money in the collection hat (it was this sort of rad old tweed hat they passe around, not sure whose it was) I'd eventually be invited.

Not really a huge deal, I just got a kick out of getting a birthday card from the Process Church.

When I saw the subject of the post I immediately thought that The Process Church might be some twisted group of individuals who are obsessed with creating and perfecting work flows and processes. I guess that's what happens when you have to deal with that stuff every day.

They sound like a halfway normal group. At least they're not visiting you in person regularly, trying to convert you or something. I've had quite a few churches send me stuff after visiting. But they usually get the hint after a month or two of absence that you don't intend to return.

very interesting story - but alas, it's a fake.

Hi. I'm a Processean. I can punch a gazillion holes in your 'story'.

Maybe a tabloid will purchase it - good luck!

$$$ - that's what it's all about for some folks...

I enjoyed that. I think that is an excellent opener for a detective series. I think you should consider continuing your research, under the guise of writing.

I had never heard of this group before. The original name of the group is The Process Church of The Final Judgment. It is apparently an off-shoot of Scientology, which denounced the group.

For those interested:
The Process Church of Final Judgement
and
The Process: Church of the Final Judgement

In addition to references to R.L. Hubbard, there are a few to Charles Manson.

Originally posted by maria_stardust
I had never heard of this group before. The original name of the group is The Process Church of The Final Judgment. It is apparently an off-shoot of Scientology, which denounced the group.

Ha, which would explain the invite only meetings I guess. It's funny, right when I read that my first thought was Scientology. Guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

The real question is, how bad does a group have to be to be disowned by Scientology?

Originally posted by When the Spaceship Lands
What really stood out was how much the dude liked The Wizard of Oz. There was an overwhelming amount of Oz crap on display.

LOL! Dude that's hilarious. This sounds like it could be the beginning of a great comedy. I would suggest writing a screenplay immediately.

Here is a hint, never ever go for the pretty girl at a cult or religous group.

Frequently they are bait hung out for recruiting purposes.

In some organizations they do a thing called love bombing on them. They have groups of people who spend hours each day addoring and lavishing praise and affection on the Judas Goat of a girl, building her up.

The girl becomes so radiant, proud, and amazingly authoritative that she almost glows in the dark. She frequently becomes a spokesperson for the group.

Believe me, if she shows any interest in you, you are just a mark. To such a person you are beneath contempt.

In most legitimate religious groups an outsider is beneath contempt, and so the girl would stand you off at a distance like the devil himself.