Is bassplyr a lovefool?

I could really use the advice of a women or any man who has some good insight to my situation.

Have any of you ever been friends with somebody for most of your life but secretly have always been infatuated with them? Crazy about them. almost idolizing of them? Ever hid these feelings the whole time just to let it eat you up inside. To have it tear you up inside the wound getting torn wider and bleeding worse every time you see them from the heart ache of not being able to tell her.

Thats me. I've been friends with this one woman most of my life. we became friends back when I was about 14. She was sorta a tomboy who hung out with the group of guys I used to hang out with back when I was in high school. Time went on I went to college on the other side of the country and really didn't think about her that much and when I came back from college I had found that the group I used to hang out with had pretty much gone our separate ways, but I suddenly found that I missed her for some reason.

we weren't even that close of friends, but I guess way back then a seed had been planted in my heart for this girl. We'd still see each other every month or so when the gang can find time to hang out. I found out that we had a lot in common. the same likes, the same love for exotic cultures and a general worldyness. of the friends only her and I had the same experiences traveling around the world and we always had something to talk about. we would talk for hours sometimes about deeper more philosophical things. I found myself really becoming attracted to her. very impressed by her.

I wasn't the alpha male in the group, nor did I have much self esteem so I never ever told nor admitted to having feelings for her. I was afraid she would be repelled. and so I always hid my feelings behind a veil of friendship, but in reality I held on to every word she said and cherished every conversation. In someways I felt like I had found a peer, her mind was intensely fascinating to me. Sometimes when we would talk she would do little things like play with her hair, keep deep eye contact. At the end of the night I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination running away with me, that maybe she felt the same about me secretly.

I realized that I was really attracted to her mind. She was the first girl I was ever deeply attracted to for who she was and not how she looked.

I've lived my whole life hiding these feelings and I do date plenty of other women. really pretty women, but I find myself thinking about her sometimes on the dates with other women or in the relationships I get into. I found that if the woman I was dating wasn't as intelligent as her, as worldly, as deep, and intriguing, as witty, if they didn't have that natural smile that could make me melt I was board with them. they just weren't good enough for me. and to no fault of they're own. I realized that this girl was the benchmark I measure every other women against, which obviously isn't fair to the women I've dated but it's the truth.

We still see each other about once a month when the whole gang gets together. she doesn't date much and is smart enough to be picky about who she dates, either that or she's cautious because shes been hurt before. Her girlfriends are always nice to me and accepting, we always gravitate to each other at a party or a gathering and end up talking the whole night.

About a month ago we ended up hanging out together by ourselves for a whole evening. we got along great. she gave me her number and told me to not be a stranger and to call her, that she had a great time and that she would love to hang out with me again. then she gave me a long hug that she seemed to hold on to a little too long.

So I've called her twice in the last month about a week apart each. once to invite her to a party that I was going to with one of our mutual friends, the second time about a week later I called her just to say hi. she never called me back either time. She did after the one night we hung out text all of her friends that we hung out for the night. I asked if that was a bad thing and they all said "not at all." like she had said something nice in the text

So now I am really confused. I really can't read her inner feelings, she keeps them very elusive.

The worst part is lately I've been having dreams about her. The dreams are simple usually we're just hanging out by ourselves and we are holding hands. thats it. but in the dream I feel the most wonderful I've ever felt in my life, whole, warm fuzzy and safe. Then I wake up wish she was next to me and feel really empty and sad.

So what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know if these are healthy feelings I don't know if I'm sick for feeling this way. I'm not sure if that my heart urging me to do something to say something, anything. I'm truly afraid to tell her my real feelings and am not sure it's a good thing to tell her. I am afraid, terrified actually that I will push her away. on the other hand women are very smart about these things and she's gotta know. she's gotta be able to tell hat I'm crazy for her.

I don't know what to say or to do, or if I even should.

Is it possible to be completely, hopelessly infatuated with a friend?

Any advice? what should I do. Do I sound scary in this post? should I keep my feelings secret. is this normal? is this some sort of pathology, or is this just how it feels when you really like somebody and can't stand not showing it any more.

Please help me figure this out, please give me some insight or advice!
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I hope that some of what I posted makes sense as you can probably tell it's hard to put my feelings in words or to even describe them or the situation well. So I thank you all for trying to make any sense out of this for me.

Hi BASSPLYR,

There's nothing wrong with you. Lots of people have been infatuated with someone they've known awhile. It doesn't make it any easier though, does it? If I understand this situation you are both college students who go to far off schools from each other, and you're together for the summer. My guess would be she is interested in you, but is either a) very busy with her other friends, or b) recognizes the commuting problem and doesn't want to get too serious right now, or both (Women tend to be infinitely more practical about matters of the heart than us guys.)

My advice, which will probably be hard, is to leave her alone for a while. I once had a good friend tell me, "women are like bread. Sometimes, you have to leave them alone to get a rise out of them." Your friend seems to recognize a mutual attraction, but is also young like you, has other friends like you, and probably isn't quite sure what to do, like you. Let her be for a while. Continue to hang out with your mutual group of friends, be friendly with her, etc. The one thing she will not want to be is smothered or made to feel she is being stalked. If she feels you are too clingy, that will turn her right off. Eventually, I think she'll sort her feelings out and will let you know with another, "hey, let's get together sometime," opportunity. When that happens, enjoy!

Thanks for the advice. She is very busy a lot of the time. She is a professional nanny for celebrities. especially during the summer, when the families like to go on vacation for weeks at a time.

Although we are both out of college we both have very busy schedules. who knows she could be intimidated. She knows I've lived a sorta high profile life in regards to my job. And vice versa, she's always talking about which celebrities she had to deal with when I hang out with her, and she knows I'm usually at some rockers house (part of my job, producer management) We could be like two magnets of like polarities, and the effect is too strong and we push each other away but whats on the other side of us, deeper in are attracting. crummy theory I know but it's possible.

I do give her lots of space and always play down my attraction to her, we see each other only once a month or so, and she usually comes to me. I do this immature thing to pretend like I don't notice her when she walks in, a few minutes later she'll approach me.

Wanted to say thanks again for all you input. It makes a lot of sense.