Ats&Bts members need you help and suggestions please!!!

Ok here goes; I need help my sister has been addicted to pain medicine for about four years now,she's been to rehab countless times only to get back out and do the exact
samething over and over.My sister is 22yrs old she has a 10
month old son who my mother is raising because he was
taken away by DHS for neglect.Ok get this they(my sis and
her piece of dirt boyfriend/baby's daddy)after he was born
would go around to everyone in the family and get money
supposedly for baby stuff but they had food stamps and all
stuff you get when your young and have a baby.So they would
scam all of them out of there money for drugs.So back to the
neglect my sis went to moms on day to probably get money
and her boyfriend called and said there had been an accident,
he said the baby fell out of his crib.Once they got him to
the hospital he had two big knots on his head and another
place but it was a fracture,so his story didn't add up, so he
changed his story to I was high and I dropped him.Anyway the
baby was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and my sis and
the boyfriend didn't even stay at the hospital with the baby they
would leave all day to go find drugs,so that's why shes charge
with neglect and he's in jail for 7yrs for abuse.So they ran up about 30 thousand in debt and he's been in jail for several months now and she is still doing drugs and my parents are paying all of her bills taking care of her kid while shes doing what she wants which is getting high and my mother does not have the money to do this and she been doing it for a couple of yrs now and eveytime
they tell her"the next time we catch you we are not going to help
you anymore."Still everytime they catch her they don't do a thing.
She manipulates everyone into thinking shes sober except me cause I know and I tell my parents but they don't do anything about it and its tearing our family apart.I tell them to hand her the bills make her leave the house and don't call or write or even come by until you get sober for real.I've told them to put her in a rehab that is a year long cause she needs serious help. I know shes still using and my mom was arguing with me about it,well a few days ago she stole from my dad and pawned a lot of his tools, jewelry,hydros and took money he had in his safe and get this she lives with him!!She knows shes not going to get in trouble cause she never has.I have tried talking to my parents until i'm blue in the face but they think theres still hope for her but I told them you can't love her out of her addition when shes this far along. I'm sorry this is so long but I had to get this off my chest and need your alls help please any comments or suggestions I will greatly appreciate it.Thank you for listening.

I really wouldnt take suggestions from a internet posting board. If your sister doesn't want help she isn't going to get it. No matter how many times you put her into treatment she is never going to get better unless she herself wants to get better. Sorry addiction is a pain that way.

It is a bad situation and it happens all the time. Right now she only has one baby, in a few years she could have 3 or 4. Often the grandparents end up raising the babies. What is worse is when the drug addict mom still has legal rights to the kids and can use that to force her parents into cooperating else she will take the baby/s with her to god only knows where.

Bottom line is you can't fix the situation. It could go on for the next 20 years. It could get worse, more kids, and maybe a meth addiction instead of prescription drugs. You can't force your parents to have common sense, and they may become slaves to the situation. If the babies appear to be seriously neglected or physically abused you should of course contact the authorities but that probably won't get your parents out of the situation.

You need to accept the situation, realize you can't fix it, and try to keep it from driving you nuts. It could go on forever. Perhaps one of those support groups for family members of drug addicts would be good.

[edit on 20-7-2008 by Sonya610]

Just a thought, but it looks like you are exactly the kind of thing these folks are looking for...

Intervention

Semper

Pray to The Lord for her!
It's the way I got off drugs!
And don't just do it once. Do it over and over!
James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.


[edit on 20-7-2008 by Clearskies]

Forgive my blunt rudeness, but You did ask.

Your sister will not stop doing what she does until "SHE" wants to stop.

No one can make her stop, only she can.
In fact, no "Treatment" will even start to work till she wants it to.

As for asking for money, DON"T DO IT!!

If she asks for money for, say diaper, meet her later and bring diapers with you.

If she needs food for the baby, bring baby-food, not money.

My heart and prayer go out to you and yours.

The ATS Dancers are not going to dance in support of you.(OP)

Originally posted by mrmonsoon

The ATS Dancers are not going to dance in support of you.(OP)

what does this line mean? i'm new to thia site and don't know
the terminology. thanks for everyones suggestions and
support .reply to post by truth08

I know some posters have said she can only help her self and get off drugs if 'she' wants too. This is only partly true.
Seriously research the intervention route suggested by an earlier poster their success rate is higher than just packing people off to rehab.

Reverse psychology is a tool of intervention which is used substantially throughout the process. I am almost certain that your sister inwardly is fully aware of her problems and wants to fix it regardless of how she conducts herself and is perceived by others. In fact she is likely sad and even ashamed of the situation she has created, sometimes these things appear harder to address than just taking more drugs, thats without the physical addiction. Thus the vicious conflicting circle of mentally questioning oneself begins. The easyer option 'more drug stimulation' is invariably chosen.

There are many TV shows on intervention - you don't need TV to do it yourself though. You, your family and her close friends can arrange it. If funding for rehab is a problem I am sure there are methods to obtain nesseary treatment if you present her case and your family/friends willingness to help.

If I were in your situation heres what I'd do.

1. Gather family members and friends and explain your views and beliefs about whats going on use reasoning and tact to get your point across to ensure you convince everybody that the problem is real and needs to be addressed. Your sister must not be aware of this meeting taking place.

2. Make arrangements with a suitable rehab facility and clearly explain the situation giving as much back ground information as possible.

3. This is the tougher part. You need to change your relationship with your sister, you have to come as a person who she can confide in, talk to and trust openly. You can be as devious a ya like, use her preferred drug as a tool, even get some for her on the basis that you'd prefer her to have it form you instead of stealing from Dad - just and example. This is the reverse pshycology bit to a degree. There is no way she will disagree stealing from Dad is wrong. By creating an alternative avenue you will be percived as 'on her side'. Keep the trust going, you need to become the person she can trust and confide in.

4. Once the above is achieved which will take some time maybe weeks the toughest part of all comes. She needs to meet everyone you met before that loves and cares for her. She mustn't be aware of what the meeting is about. Lie call it a party whatever it doesn't matter, get her there. Drop the bomb shell.

5. Once there tell her exactly why shes there and what you are doing and most importantly why. She needs to be given ultimatums which will be kept. No rehab = No drugs, money or support whatsoever anymore.

Lastly when talking in general and espacially during meeting when you tell her she going to rehab. -Read how I put it-. Its important to differentiate between asking and telling her to go. Human beings are inherantly lazy and prefer not to think so use that to give her choices. Both choices should be lead towards your goal of rehab. It is easier to choose one of several answers given to you than to think of an answer on your own.

Another example just to get my point across. Your in a car showroom, the sales guy asks "Hi have you come to buy a car today?" most people would answer 'No just looking etc etc' and the conversation is closed somewhat.

However if the sales guy pipes up and said "Hi there your obviously looking at a car today - which model do you prefer? We have the V8 over here or the more economical 4 banger's this one. Which do you prefer? I'll get the keys so you can have a test drive." choices are given all benefiting Mr Sales Guy.

I hope the analogy helps, similar tactics can be applied to your sister or anyone for that matter, its about assuming consent in a conversation & predicting the answers, therefore manipulating the outcome how you want.

I wish you and your sister the best.

thank you for ur support and all that really helps.reply to post by who-me?

All of your alls comments have been very help full
and I appreciate it very much so thank you.I feel
like my hands are tied somewhat because my mom,
step-dad and my dad let her get away with the crap
she pulls, they threaten her with were going to quit
paying ur bills but its just empty threats and they say
"the next time, "the next time" and my sister will
manipulate everyone into thinking she.s doing so
good and she's learned her lesson ,it will never happen
again. the messed up thing about it is she was using
the whole time and my parents will watch her for a
couple of weeks and slowly let her off the hook and
she will be doing the same ole thing again.What really
pisses me off is I will tell my parents that she's still
addicted and using everyday and they will say "she better
not be she knows what's going to happen if she's using
or well she seems to be doing good she says she not
using and well we don't know for sure if she is but if we
catch her she's going to be in trouble."and always a
couple of months later she gets caught and they'll say
the same thing to her,they will not follow through with
there punishment, she's never had a consequence so
she has never been aloud to hit rock bottom and as an
addict if you don't hit bottom you will more than likely
never quit. Shes might even be going to jail. Her and her boyfriend at the time stole a bunch of tools from his
boss $15,000 worth and supposedly she just pawned them
but if she will steal from her own dad then she will steal
from that guy. She is going to tear this family apart, they
pay all of her bills (day care for her son,everything for her son,
her credit card bills $30,000 worth $250 a month,loan payments
she got for drugs,pawn shop debt were she stole, they pay it to
keep her out of trouble so they can get the stuff back
and not to mention the new car , car insurance and cell phone
they pay for.They got her the car shortly after she got caught,
they said we hope it gives her incentive to get clean, if her son,
jail, hepititis and family don't give her incentive the a brand new
car definitely will not and not only that she gets drug tested at
her probation and out patient rehab.Tell me, I am thinking
about calling her probation officer and telling him what shes
been doing cause the girl needs to have a consequence and
nobody's going to give her one unless I do. she might go to
jail for a while and my parents might get real mad at me
but something has to be done my parents will go broke if
they continue this should I call her P.O? Thank you for listening.

Just like your signature says...you gotta think this one out yourself. Can you live with the consequences? Do you think it will accomplish what you want it to accomplish, and will that be worth it all?

Good luck, and God Bless!