The Dillemas of a married man

Before i go any farther, this isnt one of those "why did i do it threads" im very happily married, and i love my wife more than anything on this planet.



i'll be straight and to the point:

1.) After being married for so long - i find myself taking advantage of her presence. Like right now - she's lying in bed next to me, while im on the laptop. I should be rested up next to her, holding her in my arms, but im not.

2.) Desires for women in your past. Mind you - i NEVER will cheat on my wife. But my point is that most married men can name one, or more, women in their past that they "had a chance with" but for whatever reason (chickened out, friend walked in, etc) something didnt go through. Why do we, as men, dwell on this? I love my wife and wouldnt trade her for anyone in the world.

3.) Having thoughts like the one above makes me feel so guilty. It makes me feel like i've cheated on my wife, but never laid a finger on anyone else. I know my wife's undying love for me, she's proved it countless times. Women are so strong in their emotions, despite what stereotypists may claim. Want proof? My wife still worships the ground i walk on, despite any arguments from our past. She never holds it against me, despite the numerous times i've been a royal prick.

4.) Setting here, in bed, i am able to realize in the stillness of the night, my overall fear for loosing my wife. Not that i believe there is a reasonable chance of it happening, im just throwing the possibility out there. What would i do without her? I cant fall asleep at night unless she's in the same bed....its strange.

5.) In her emotional strength, is she hiding any pain? Do i spend too much time on ATS pretending to know what im talking about?
Where do you draw that fine line that says "I really want to do this, but i also want to make her happy" when the thing that'll make her happy isnt something you really want to do (like going to see 27 dresses)


Any other people have opinions on the real emotional aspects of married life? Not this typical "sex doesnt happen anymore" garbage

but - real - actual - occurances.


In many ways, we still act like we did when we first met. Cant stand to be away from each other, but find ourselves wanting privacy.

Its weird.


anyways, im done ramblin now.

I can relate to much of what you are saying.

I'm curious though,

how long have you been married?

Do you communicate well with her? Have you told her how strong she is and asked if in that strength she is hiding pain?

Does she take advantage of your presence as well? Maybe it is simply sharing in the mutual comfort of it and there's nothing wrong at all.

I don't want to go see 27 dresses either, so I try to do other things that make up for it, and every now and then I go see the 27 dresses anyway. (She listens to me talk about my motorcycle and pretends to be interested, so it evens out.)

on the motorcycle issues

thats where women's emotions vastly overpower mens

i can't set and watch 27 dresses and pretend to be interested. I can set there and listen, keep my mouth shut, and watch with "hmm" "oh" and "uh-huhs"
but
she can set and listen to me rant about politics, video games, etc (my interests) and have a true opinion.

And i never realize my selfishness till she's asleep and im awake (once an insomniac, always an insomniac...lunesta didnt work for me)

We've been married 3 years, together for 5 total. I know thats still early compared to a lot of others, but in our "group" of friends, its the longest yet, so we take pride in that.


We've had those REALLY big arguments before too. Ya know....the ones where she's not sure if im going to walk out
but i know that im not going to...i just keep getting mad in hopes that she'll understand why.

oh the sick and twisted games some married couples play with each other.

reply to post by Andrew E. Wiggin


I like the movie 27 dresses.

Anyways just make sure you spend quality time with her before she falls asleep at night or first thing in the morning. Don’t forget her needs. Then you won’t feel so guilty being on computer or doing your own thing.

I have a theory on this.
ANd I have given this a lot of thought.

Basically we love our relationships, and spending our lives with someone, yet we ALL have cravings to wander, not to love, but just a little variety. So why is that?Why the conflict?

First off, let me say that you should not be ashamed, your thoughts are completely completely 100% normal.

Anyone who doesn't find another human being attractive is weird in my book.

Humans are not meant to be monogamous.

BUT, we are not supposed to be complete sleazes either.Too risky.

Here is why: everything stems from nature. We are still more tied to our natural roots then people like to think. Babies are still born with all the reflexes they need to survive.

Humans lived in small groups. You would have a couple of adult healthy males, couple of healthy adult females, all breeders. You have some elderly, and some kids.

The breeding adults were not in pairs, but bred among themselves. So say you had six, you had six adults breeding among themselves.

A small enough group to encourage attachement and relationships, and to be there to raise children, but you had several partners offering variety and different genetic material.

That is my answer to, why our minds wander from time to time. We miss the rest of our group.