I can NOT stop thinking about her. I feel like I'm going insane!

Just an update...she responded. She's taking a trip to visit some friends in another state one week from now, and will be back one week from then. She said two weeks is a good goal, and she thinks she'll be ready by then. I guess that's that.

Herman I know what you're going through. It gets better with time and if she's your first everything, than youll probbably remember her For a whole lot longer..
I keep trying to forget my first, but even now in this very thread I'm reminded of my first and it's been like 2 years.

Originally posted by Zealott
Herman I know what you're going through. It gets better with time and if she's your first everything, than youll probbably remember her For a whole lot longer..
I keep trying to forget my first, but even now in this very thread I'm reminded of my first and it's been like 2 years.

Well, I don't really ever intend to "forget" about her, but I'd definitely like to move on and be over her. Since we were friends before we started dating anyway, I'd like it if a time would come when we could be friends again. It's probably a good thing that you remember her, but the real question is are you over her?

Well, it's been almost five weeks now..and I'm still thinking about her constantly. God, I wait until this passes!

And for anyone who actually cares...she hasn't contacted me like she said she would and she's been back from her trip for almost a week now. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Herman, Herman!

I think its time to move on! Its not going to be easy, but keep yourself busy- beleive me, time DOES heal all wounds, and destiny has someone better and more compatible for you. I know it.

Go out enjoy yourself with friends and the right one will fall into your lap when you least expect it.
There is someone out there for you- Where she is, i dont know, but you will be greatful soon.

I'm sorry, i wish icould wave a magic wand and make it better for you.

Originally posted by dgtempe
Herman, Herman!

I think its time to move on! Its not going to be easy, but keep yourself busy- beleive me, time DOES heal all wounds, and destiny has someone better and more compatible for you. I know it.

Go out enjoy yourself with friends and the right one will fall into your lap when you least expect it.
There is someone out there for you- Where she is, i dont know, but you will be greatful soon.

I'm sorry, i wish icould wave a magic wand and make it better for you.

It's ok, DG. Just the fact that there's people like you to be found gives me hope that I will eventually find someone worth it. And I haven't been sitting around my house sulking or anything like that. I've been going out with friends almost every night, working, hiking, and working out a lot. From what people tell me, I'm doing the right things you need to do to move on, it's just....taking a lot longer than I expected. I guess when she told me that she'd talk to me when she got back from her trip, and then just didn't, it sort of stirred things up again. But I'll get over it. I think I'm about done with the "freaking out" stage...now I'm just plain sad. But I know that'll pass too.

Thanks dg.

Originally posted by Herman
So, I made a thread a number of days ago about a breakup I just had. I'm 21 (20 when I met her,) and she's my first everything. I loved this girl to death, and unfortunately that wound up being part of the problem. The rest is described in the particularly long thread I created, which you can read here if you wish, but it's really not needed. Anyway, it's now been a week and two days, and I literally can't get her off of my mind. I've been going out with friends, going to the gym, running, hiking, going to movies, playing golf, shooting guns, I went to a bar the other night...no matter what I do, she's on my mind. Even when I'm doing something I have to seriously concentrate on, she's there. No matter how many times I tell myself it's over, I can't stop hoping she'll call and ask for me back...the breakup keeps running through my mind over and over again. Even when I'm doing things I enjoy, most of my thinking power is spent thinking about her. I feel like I've made some progress in accepting that it's over and starting to see the light (Even just a little bit,) but I honestly feel like I'm going mad over this. I haven't called her and asked for her back, because I know that would only make things worse, but this is absolutely horrible. The only time I'm not feeling awful is when I'm drinking...and that's becoming a problem, but it's the only way I can stop being sad. I don't know how normal this is, but even if it's normal, it's destroying me on the inside. I feel like I'm becoming this ugly, terrible creature inside and I have no control over it. Even when I sleep, I dream about her. I'm gonna have a melt down.

Help!

hate to say it man, but if you still think shes ok then most likely you wont forget about her. she will always be on your mind. the only thing is that youll eventually learn to live with it. itll get easier trust me

Originally posted by Question Fate

Originally posted by Herman
So, I made a thread a number of days ago about a breakup I just had. I'm 21 (20 when I met her,) and she's my first everything. I loved this girl to death, and unfortunately that wound up being part of the problem. The rest is described in the particularly long thread I created, which you can read here if you wish, but it's really not needed. Anyway, it's now been a week and two days, and I literally can't get her off of my mind. I've been going out with friends, going to the gym, running, hiking, going to movies, playing golf, shooting guns, I went to a bar the other night...no matter what I do, she's on my mind. Even when I'm doing something I have to seriously concentrate on, she's there. No matter how many times I tell myself it's over, I can't stop hoping she'll call and ask for me back...the breakup keeps running through my mind over and over again. Even when I'm doing things I enjoy, most of my thinking power is spent thinking about her. I feel like I've made some progress in accepting that it's over and starting to see the light (Even just a little bit,) but I honestly feel like I'm going mad over this. I haven't called her and asked for her back, because I know that would only make things worse, but this is absolutely horrible. The only time I'm not feeling awful is when I'm drinking...and that's becoming a problem, but it's the only way I can stop being sad. I don't know how normal this is, but even if it's normal, it's destroying me on the inside. I feel like I'm becoming this ugly, terrible creature inside and I have no control over it. Even when I sleep, I dream about her. I'm gonna have a melt down.

Help!

hate to say it man, but if you still think shes ok then most likely you wont forget about her. she will always be on your mind. the only thing is that youll eventually learn to live with it. itll get easier trust me

What do you mean "If I think she's OK?"

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so bad Herman, it will take some time to start healing your broken heart but you are certainly doing everything right to progress towards being ok enough to move on with life
It will always hurt, no doubt, anything that was once dear to us, that we cared deeply enough about will when it is no longer.

I am happy to hear you are still somewhat optimistic, it's understandable to be a lil bitter but please don't put walls up around you. That would be such a shame

Thinking of ya sweetie.

Bless.

Originally posted by Herman

Originally posted by Question Fate

Originally posted by Herman
So, I made a thread a number of days ago about a breakup I just had. I'm 21 (20 when I met her,) and she's my first everything. I loved this girl to death, and unfortunately that wound up being part of the problem. The rest is described in the particularly long thread I created, which you can read here if you wish, but it's really not needed. Anyway, it's now been a week and two days, and I literally can't get her off of my mind. I've been going out with friends, going to the gym, running, hiking, going to movies, playing golf, shooting guns, I went to a bar the other night...no matter what I do, she's on my mind. Even when I'm doing something I have to seriously concentrate on, she's there. No matter how many times I tell myself it's over, I can't stop hoping she'll call and ask for me back...the breakup keeps running through my mind over and over again. Even when I'm doing things I enjoy, most of my thinking power is spent thinking about her. I feel like I've made some progress in accepting that it's over and starting to see the light (Even just a little bit,) but I honestly feel like I'm going mad over this. I haven't called her and asked for her back, because I know that would only make things worse, but this is absolutely horrible. The only time I'm not feeling awful is when I'm drinking...and that's becoming a problem, but it's the only way I can stop being sad. I don't know how normal this is, but even if it's normal, it's destroying me on the inside. I feel like I'm becoming this ugly, terrible creature inside and I have no control over it. Even when I sleep, I dream about her. I'm gonna have a melt down.

Help!

hate to say it man, but if you still think shes ok then most likely you wont forget about her. she will always be on your mind. the only thing is that youll eventually learn to live with it. itll get easier trust me

What do you mean "If I think she's OK?"

well are you in love with her or can you not get her outta your head because youre angry at her. thats what i mean.

Originally posted by ImJaded

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so bad Herman, it will take some time to start healing your broken heart but you are certainly doing everything right to progress towards being ok enough to move on with life
It will always hurt, no doubt, anything that was once dear to us, that we cared deeply enough about will when it is no longer.

I am happy to hear you are still somewhat optimistic, it's understandable to be a lil bitter but please don't put walls up around you. That would be such a shame

Thinking of ya sweetie.

Bless.

Thanks, Jaded. I'm trying not to "put up walls" as you say, but honestly, I just can't imagine trusting anybody that deeply again. I truly believed her when she said she loved me and wanted a future with me. Right now, I really just want some closure. I keep thinking back to when she said "It would be so great if we could just take a month off, but I know that wouldn't be fair to you." No matter how hard I try to just tell myself its over, that line keeps replaying in my head. Then there's the whole thing with her saying she'll talk to me after her trip and not making any effort to contact me...Ack! It's hard to get over something when you never get any real, solid closure.

Maybe I should just move...that's it. I'll hop in my car and move to another state haha.

Some of what I say might seem rough but in my experience it is real.

First I wanted to say be grateful it is over now. Cause if you lived together, got married or had kids it would even be worse. The thing is do you want to be with a person that doesn't want to be with you?

I lived in hurt for a very long time, till I learned that hurt passes and is temporary. Sometimes and ending is only a beginning. What if your relationship with here was blocking a fantastic change in your life? I don't know if you can see the reality of what I am about to say, but I am gonna say it anyways. What if there is someone that will love you know matter what, and is what you really need is looking for you. And due to you focusing on the ended relationship you miss it?

Do not rush into another relationship, I can guarantee you it will turn into a disaster if you have not finished the feelings of the first one. I have a personal belief about love. Love never leaves, you love this girl and you always will. I still love all the men I have been involved with, but the situations have changed. I would not live with any of them again.

Healthy relationships are not easy to find. It took me dozens of relationships and 30 years to find one good man. But by then I had been married twice and had two kids. I would still be married to him, but he passed away. Seems the good really do die young. But I am doing well, I am not in a relationship right now, and I am OK with that.

You are on cue and feeling exactly what you are suppose to be feeling. It's what you do with those feelings that count. Let them be a key to growth and not stagnation.

reply to post by Herman


Wow, buddy. You might feel bad now, but trust me, someday you'll look back on how you felt at this moment and feel embarassed at how much of a girl you were. No offense, but the only reason you're so upset right now is because deep-down you probably feel like you aren't going to be able to bed someone as good as this chick. All I can say is D.W.A.I. - Don't worry about it. Relish in your newfound freedom and never allow yourself to be tied down again. The most important thing you need to know is that you are inherently better than any of these girls and that you should treat them poorly.

Originally posted by Herman I don't know how normal this is, but even if it's normal, it's destroying me on the inside. I feel like I'm becoming this ugly, terrible creature inside and I have no control over it. Even when I sleep, I dream about her. I'm gonna have a melt down.
Help!

Ouch. Sounds like your hormones are all messed up. First off, do what you can to control your mind during waking hours. When you catch yourself thinking about her STOP and immediately focus on something else. It can be done, you just have to force yourself to do it. At first you may have to stop yourself 30 times a day, but by next week it may only be 10 times a day.

You could also make alist of all the mean things she did (and it sounds like there were a few) and all of her bad traits; if you must break down and think about her once in a while ONLY focus on that list.

If possible also force yourself to start dating again and have sex again.

I have experienced this before too. Many times. Loss. But one thing I have learned about it is that most often it is the "you" in that relationship that you miss. You miss how "you" felt. You miss how happy "you" were. You miss the future "you" might have had. This is all something "you" still have. You will be able to find many of these feelings again. Don't change your soft side, or listen to the guys who say women want you to not be a "wuss" that is complete BS. It's a wall you do not wan't to build, trust me. Don't get jaded.
Go with the flow... if she isn't ready for you, you are ready for something else. Ask for what you want, picture a future happiness... go with that flow. follow your bliss. You will love again.