The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination inSwindon , Wiltshire. Funny stuff

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes largepollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tendsto flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, andnature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and theabdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax containsthe heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:A,E,I,O and U
Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look likeumbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand itsmeaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Hope these brought a few smiles ..

satellite1

reply to post by satellite1

These are brilliant, I'm surprised no-one has commented so far. Where did you get them from?

Cheers

brilliant... if it wasn't early o'clock in the morning I would be laughing out loud to most of those.

Unfortunately some of the people outside the UK might not understand a couple of them..

The judicious one is from a Fairy washing up liquid TV advert...
Hands that do dishes....

Great read..really funny.