Who I am, Why I'm here.

Greetings and salutations! First off, I would like to introduce myself, you may
call me Michael, or Dragon, whichever you prefer. I am writing this not only on this forum, but others as well, as what I seek is apparently difficult to find and even harder to understand. We shall start off with my background, as that is where I started myself. I was born in Florida, a place I still yet feel an undeniable connection to, I am a capricorn, and prefer not to discuss my prepubescent years as they are a source of anguish for me. Like many, I did not have an ideal childhood, suffice to say I experienced far too much at far too young an age, having to deal with the death of my father at age 6, sexual abuse to my teens, and physical abuse until I decided to venture out on my own. I do not believe any of this has any bearing on what I am seeking, I relay this only to give a general background on myself. From a very early age, I have felt something inside of me. Now I would like to pause here and elaborate. Many times when I have related this sentiment to someone, they believe me to be either insane or a liar. I at first assumed this was the christian god, as I was raised in the babtist faith. However, after straying so far as to openly challenge that god alone in a field one night during a hellacous thunderstorm, I still felt it then, it has never left and I trust it never will. Sometimes when I meditate, or attempt to as I am still learning, I feel the touch of something, it makes contact right with my heart, and I am overcome with an emotion that makes me feel so pure, so beautiful, so grateful that many times I cannot help but weep afterwards. I cannot stress enough that what I feel is not unnatural, at least not to me, and it does not tell me to go harm others, even if at times I do find suggestions in my mind that I refuse to believe are my own. I believe everyone has dark thoughts, morbid urges, but I have as of yet relegated these to mere fancy. I will divulge that there is a history of mental illness within my family, however, I refuse to dismiss all that I feel, see, and experience as mania or dementia. Now that we have the background out of the way, let me express why I am here. As I mentioned above, I have always been able to feel a presence within me, a sort of strange energy for lack of a better term. I can manipulate it on some levels, rising it within me to the point where I begin to shake and am afraid to go any farther. I can move it throughout my body, and I believe I have used this to heal myself on various occasions, not some spontaneous regeneration or anything silly like that, but in all my 30 years I have only been to the hospital once, and that is something I will discuss momentarily. All throughout my life, I have been able to see and sometimes feel things that others say aren't there, or in retrospect seem out of place. I remember quite clearly the first time I saw something, I do not know whether it was a spirit, a ghost, or some other entity, but I had arisen late at night, spending the evening with my aunt and felt compelled to go to her front window, and on the street corner below, I saw a woman I did not know, who subsequently morphed into a man, then a dog, and then dissipated. I have never spoken of this to anyone, however, since I am now seeking help and/or guidance, I feel it paramount to be entirely honest. As a young man, I was enthralled by mythology and folklore, and spent countless hours reading and rereading any text concerning these subjects or religion. I do not consider myself an expert in any field, however, I do have in my mind vast reservoirs of fables, myths, legends, and other folklore that I enjoy referencing in conversation, much to the dismay of my peers, who usually have no idea what I'm talking about. In my teens I attempted to delve into the occult, but all I ever found was children wanting to play dress up and have a rousing game of "Ill believe you if you

Where is the rest of this post? Its like when my tv antennae loses connectivity with a digital signal right at the most important part of the story.
You have my interest piqued, Michael. Your command of the language is beautiful. The picture you painted thus far is intriguing. I hope we get to see the rest of your post.

Terribly sorry, didn't see it had cut it off.

but all I ever found was children wanting to play dress up and have a rousing game of "Ill believe you if you believe me". In my early 20's, I once again attempted to open myself up to mystical powers, but that ended with me finding out the person I was supposedly learning from was just an asinine braggart, who knew about as much as I did, and I ended up dying on an operating table for a minute after OD'ing in an attempt to force my conscious into a shamanistic experience. Needless to say, I learned little if anything. I realize now in hindsight that I was not ready at either time to learn anything of merit, to take anything seriously, and I had not yet shed enough ingrained brainwashing to see anything even if it had been revealed to me. A few years ago, I tried on Satanism, but found it less akin to communing with other worldly beings, and more like masturbating to a picture of yourself. That venture didn't last very long. Currently, I have been reading up on meditation exercises, and have been attempting to open my third eye. As an aside here, when I attempt to commune with and open it, I can physically feel it, below center in my forehead, just above my browline. My question on this is, is that ok and normal? I know through visualization and such, it is accepted to mentally feel it, but is it ok to physically feel it? Another thing while I am on a tangent, I read this during my research on these forums-
"You will become more aware, more concentrated and more relaxed. You will generally feel great. Also, as an added bonus for all you Left-hand Pathers out there, vampirism is a very fine way to manipulate others and establish yourself as the alpha dog. Your victim will often open up to you, as they feel an immediate bond. They will often see you as their superior, as somewhere in their being they are aware of what's taking place and they realize that they're helpless to stop you. Those who are your superiors in other areas of life will often develop a respect for you that they might not fully understand."

This describes me to a T. However, to consider myself some sort of energy vampire is not something I believe I can accept so easily. But this description, along with my personal experiences points to this. I can meet a person, talk to them very little, mostly just concentrate on them with my eyes, and then a light touch, and it's like I know them, and they feel they know me, and I know all their limits, what they laugh at, what they may fear, and how to make them like me more.

But getting back to why I am posting this, I am looking for any insight into my situation, which way should I go? Where should I start? There seem to be so many avenues, and I have yet to feel particularly drawn to any singular aspect of mysticism or magick. Feel free to post here, or send a PM, whichever you feel more comfortable with. I am at a point now where if I feel frustrated and anxious, as if there is something vitally important I need to be doing, I just have yet to find what it is. This is the most honest and open I have ever been concerning these matters, relating here things which have never been expressed by me in any fashion. I hope that my message finds you all in good health and spirits, and I look forward to hopefully enlightenment on some level.

reply to post by TheDragon


Hello, Michael / Dragon, and welcome.

As interesting as your life experience is (not to mention the articulate way in which you expressed it), I wasn't going to jump in with any observations... until I read your question about physically feeling the "third eye".

I can, and always did, feel it physically, too.

It's a very slippery road to compare oneself to others (and vice versa), but from what I can see, it would seem that in me the attributes usually associated with the "third eye" are indeed more developed than in most people that I know (outside of my family).

Is it fun?
Not always... but it is extremely useful.

Is it "normal"?
Define "normal".
My perception (literally) of people and events and life in general certainly doesn't conform to the "norm" as I can observe it.
Make of it what you will.










[edit on 25-4-2008 by Vanitas]

I thank you for your observation, Vanitas, it is very reassuring that the physical feeling is normal. Perhaps not so much normal, as not a matter of great concern. When you mention the attributes associated with the 3rd Eye, I assume you mean occurrences such as always knowing when someone is lying, knowing beforehand what people will do, and exactly what they will say. I constantly amuse my wife by telling her what her friends are thinking and will say, and I have yet to be completely wrong 8)>

[edit on 25-4-2008 by TheDragon]

This is a reply to BP's U2U, as it will not allow me to send one until I have 50 posts under my proverbial belt.

" Yes, even to the point of using music to force myself into certain emotions. I used to merely think I like music just a little too much, especially being unable to produce it myself. I also have a theory concerning messages in certain songs, rhythms, a greater truth being spoke through someone who has no idea themselves of the true meaning of their words."

reply to post by TheDragon


Yes, that is EXACTLY what I meant.
(See how well it works...?! )


I am glad you're not worried about it.
The last thing we need is people with "subtle" senses denying or stifling their own God-given abilities.






[edit on 25-4-2008 by Vanitas]

reply to post by TheDragon



Dragon, there are a thread or two concerning the effects of music on this board.
(One was authored by Skyfloating, and the other one by yours truly. But there may be more of them.)
Be sure to look them up.





[edit on 25-4-2008 by Vanitas]

Thank you for posting your story, I giggled about ten times at similar experiences, truly a great read!

My only advice to you, is patience. Any time Ive stopped my spiritual progression, it was due to expectation, I think you just have to find your flow and go with it. Just like a puzzle, you cannot force pieces that do not fit, just take what works for you and go with it, and keep an inner intension that you will figure it all out.

If there is anything true about my existence, it is a deep underlying notion that I already knew what I was trying to find, and I know where it is, I just pretend to forget for the sake of rediscovery and realization. You know, those moments of deep realization where you just go, oh yeah, duh, I knew that, I just didn't look at it from that direction!

I dont know if that helps, but it seems like you have been the best help for yourself, all too often those "lets play pretend" groups nip a persons growth, but at the same time, a being of your caliber comes along and sees such things taking place, and learns a bit more about the nature of the mind/soul/self. The pitfalls of one perception can be a partial key to understanding the entire scheme of things for another perception. What I mean by that is, those groups, often are lead by people doing actual work, yet they build a barricade for themselves in letting anyone follow them in a pretend or less relevantly productive manner.

Anywho, good luck, you wont be needing it! See ya round the board!

Originally posted by TheDragon
This is a reply to BP's U2U, as it will not allow me to send one until I have 50 posts under my proverbial belt.

" Yes, even to the point of using music to force myself into certain emotions. I used to merely think I like music just a little too much, especially being unable to produce it myself. I also have a theory concerning messages in certain songs, rhythms, a greater truth being spoke through someone who has no idea themselves of the true meaning of their words."

I get that feeling from music all the time, almost like theres a message there that wakes you up when your falling asleep at the wheel
Being an artist and musician myself I know that when your overly inspired and create something out of pure love and passion your head is litterally in the clouds, sort of like meditation. Its almost like your connecting with a greater consciousness and feeding off of it and molding it into words, music, art whatever. I believe what you said and I know that eventhough you might still be comfused on what you are and what you should do, deep down inside you know that your here for a reason. And all those things that happened to you sort of led you here at this point in your life. Just keep going with the flow man and keep believeing.

reply to post by TheDragon


Hello Michael and welcome to ATS. What a beautifully written thread this is.

As Vanatis has already said, it is perfectly fine to 'physically' feel your third-eye opening during meditation ... in fact when you perform a chakra meditation you will likely feel a physical sense in each.

I know you are here as a 'seeker' but I intuitively felt that you have a great potential to teach once you have found your true path. The most important piece of advise I can give you ... or anyone else for that matter ... is to always keep one foot on the ground (metaphorically speaking). When we deal with any aspect of spirituality it can be very easy to loose sight of reality ... by maintaining the importance of 'grounding' your experience will be more fruitful. Sometimes this is very difficult because of the level we can reach during spiritual connection ... I hae had to force that foot back on the ground many a time.

Michael, you mention certain adversities in your life and from personal experience I find that this can often be extremely helpful ... and you mention the negative side. This is another common mistake often made by seekers on a spiritual quest. It is vital to recognize and acknowledge our 'shadow side', it is only then that our 'light side' can flourish. If we try to deny that as physical beings we are by definition 'imperfect' ... then we will never achieve forward momentum.

If I can help in any way just ask.

Woody

----I hope this message finds you all well, I decided to script something to alleviate any fears concerning this being a somewhat interesting and yet ultimately one shot post. My mind is a virtual cornucopia of ideas, questions, retrospectives, introspective observation, and frankly, it's too difficult to say anything for sure at this point. I have planned a wilderness sabbatical for myself and my wife this Monday through Wednesday, and when I return, I fully expect to be sure concerning at least the next step I should take.

----The two most plausible and logical steps I am currently considering, is to first have an open dialog with many concerning matters related to spirituality, morality, light hearted fare such as that. Which, in instantaneous hindsight, I suppose I already have begun that. Second, and I think most importantly, is I really feel I need to make contact, be it with a guardian angel, a demon, my own astral self, my spirit animal, God, whatever force my destiny now belongs to. In all honesty, I believe I know what I am supposed to do, but it's a tad bit grandiose, awful assuming of myself, and is so specific while at the same time vague enough to where if I were to attempt to relay it at this point, I would even think myself a fool. I am glad I found this place, and ponder the possiblities in an age where like minded people can find each other over vast stretches of space, and perhaps even time. I believe we all feel the dawning of a new age coming, just perhaps stalled for some reason, perhaps waiting, perhaps watching.

----At this point, I shall retreat back into my thoughts, I am fixing to get off work, and when my writing becomes too gauche for even my tastes, I recognize the signal to fall back and regroup. So until next post, keep me in your hearts and minds, that is, if you wish 8)

edit : fixing posts

[edit on 26-4-2008 by TheDragon]

[edit on 26-4-2008 by TheDragon]

reply to post by TheDragon


When you return, could you break your posts down into a more readable format?

Paragraphs perhaps...

I want to read what you have to say but it's very hard when my eyes keep jumping either ahead or back in your one big monologue.

Have fun with your wife on your sabbatical!

Oh pahlease, woodwytch,

don't encourage this OP to become a teacher... we already have enough pompous spiritual teachers and flakes "on a mission" here in the US of A, we don't need any more of those.

My suggestion to the OP: forget everything you've heard and read Jed McKenna's book "Spiritual Enlightenment -- The Damndest Thing." I promise it's the last spiritual/New Age book you'll ever have to read. I read his whole trilogy and then burned all my spiritual books in the fire pit in our backyard.

I have had my own experiences and I have my own theory on this.

The energy your feeling is your awareness of your energy. This energy is you.

Also, could it be that its not that your predicting others feelings, thoughts, etc, but your willing it onto them. Its almost as if your creating their emotions. Your energy (thoughts, aura, force) is over taking/influencing theirs.

Keep meditating!! I also use to get those feelings and the unbelievable meditation experiences. I need to get back in touch with my spiritual side.

reply to post by woodwytch


Hi woodwytch,

I def agree with you, I was on my journey last year when I kind of lost it. I couldnt control my energy and I was bothering people near me constantly. So I stopped everything and took a break. The mind has limitless potential but because of our conditioning as children we need to break down the barriers that limit us.

Do not force, let nature take its course.

Originally posted by sylvie
Oh pahlease, woodwytch,



My suggestion to the OP: forget everything you've heard and read Jed McKenna's book "Spiritual Enlightenment -- The Damndest Thing." I promise it's the last spiritual/New Age book you'll ever have to read. I read his whole trilogy and then burned all my spiritual books in the fire pit in our backyard.

Putting all of your eggs in one basket are you? I will remember to never read your chosen book if it is the last book on the planet that you have not burned. And as far as woodys suggestion, the OP should listen to her guidance as she gives freely, yet Rarely. I would not be looking for her to banter with you. Nor I in the future as I do not burn books at the stake.

To Michael Dragon...

Greetings... having read your tale ( and will re-read in depth momentarily), I would like to bow my head to you, in respect to all the similarities and history we share. Our paths, it would seem, have been the same.

Without wishing to seem 'above it all', I would like to ask you if any of these things sounds familiar to you, or if you have had some kind of experiences... (this goes for anyone else) I do this, because I have felt alone and lost for many years before I just shrugged my shoulders and said "to hell with it", and also with the hopes that I might not be as alone as I thought.

1. Guardians / Gates and the Nexus

2. Gaupundles, Wollow, Arion

3. Hall of Doors

4. A desert landscape, with a river (dried out or otherwise) running through the middle... along the horizon is a small mountain range, with the tallest having what appears to be a sheared off side (almost in half), and a pyramid-shaped mountain just in front of it

Like I said, I'm just wanting to see how far the similarities go.

Antar wrote:

Putting all of your eggs in one basket are you? I will remember to never read your chosen book if it is the last book on the planet that you have not burned. And as far as woodys suggestion, the OP should listen to her guidance as she gives freely, yet Rarely. I would not be looking for her to banter with you. Nor I in the future as I do not burn books at the stake.

Sorry to have stepped on your toes there, Antar, but this OP really rubs me the wrong way. For one thing, writing in the flowery style he does screams "self-aggrandizement" at me... which is only confirmed by the fact that he asks if feeling your third eye physically "is OK." In my experience, asking others questions like "Do you think it's OK if I can make things disappear by sheer will power?" are simply a way to tell others how great and special you are, in the disguise of being humble. And there's nothing I hate more. If you have a big ego and want to show others what "superpowers" you have, at least be honest about it and say it straight out. Don't try to simultaneously appear as the world's most modest person.

I lived in Sedona, AZ for quite a while, and at some point I just developed an allergic reaction to self-appointed "teachers" and spiritual people with megalomania.

reply to post by TheDragon


Dragon, you command the english language as you please and form and minipulate it like a potter would mold clay. You obviously have skill of writing and have deep connection with God. This is your life, form it and mold it like the english language.

You should try to follow God's Word, and live your life well. You have seen horrors only you can describe. Steady prayer and maybe I suggest talking this over with a pastor/priest?

It is your own life, follow your heart and brain ( counter balences it)

But seriously, you have talent and learn to shape and focus it.