The Case Of The Missing Bathroom Keys

Ok, so I work in an office that has two different bathrooms, the men's room and the ladies' room. They are located on the floor, not in the office and we share them with the other offices on our floor. The only way you can enter the bathrooms are using the keys which, oddly enough, are identical, meaning the men's key works both locks.

I probably go thru $30 worth of keys each year. Personally, I keep one on my keychain because I know that I will leave the office and hit the bathroom before heading home and, if I take the office key with me, odds are the bathroom key is heading home with me. If it comes home with me, it's a guaranty that I'll forget to bring it back the next day. So I keep my own key. I never, ever let anyone use my personal key for obvious reasons. Clients and messengers are always asking to use the bathroom and we always give them the keys and it seems, more often than not, they take the key home with them.

I've tried attaching giant keychains, old floppy discs, cd's, pens and I have even considered the gas station key chain used in The Jerk (couldn't find a spare rim). It never seems to matter. The key goes missing. I have one friend who claims he has 6 keys in his home, all sitting together, waiting for him to bring them home. I stopped letting him use the bathroom because I was starting to view his key theft as intentional and that's downright wrong. He might see the humor in taking the key but there's no humor in me realizing I have to pee and going to grab the key, only to find it not there. Then I need to run back to my office, locate my keys in my jacket and then sprint thru my office, around the hallway, passed the elevators and over to the bathroom. No, sorry, no humor on the potential oops moment.

So, today a client is here and he finishes up the meeting and he says he wants to use the bathroom before he heads home. He lives in Brookly, maybe a 20 minute subway ride from here. My secretary gives him the key. He disappears. For a while. It seems he wasn't worried about having to urinate on the subway but, rather, he was concerned with something far more nefarious befalling him whilst underground.

Anyway, he finally returns, tosses the keys on the front entrance, says goodbye to the secretary and heads out to the elevators.

Now, this is important. This client is old school. So old school that the only reason he has a phone in his apartment is not because he almost got killed using the pay phone on the corner. No, he has a phone in his apartment because they removed the pay phone on the corner. Well, the drunk driver removed it. the phone company never replaced it. Apparently, the only business the phone had was when he used it. So, he got himself a land line. He doesn't have a cell phone. No means of contact unless he is home. He does have an answering machine. I know because I bought it for him a couple of years ago after I got fed up trying to reach him. So, he does have an answer machine. He loves it. he said the box is the perfect height for a foot stool. Because it moved around too much when it was empty, he uses the answer machine as a weight in the box to keep it from collapsing and sliding around when he's resting his weary feet.

So, anyway, this client tosses keys on the front reception area and leaves. Gone. In the elevator, out of the lobby and gone.

About ten minutes after he leaves my secretary comes in and asks me if I know my client's cell phone number. I tell her he doesn't have one and I ask why.

Knucklehead tossed his keys on the counter and took the bathroom key with him when he left. Ahh, if I could be there when he goes to let himself in to his apartment with my bathroom key. That would be priceless. The downside is I am going to have to stay here until he figures out what he did wrong and he can't call me from the pay phone to tell me he's coming back because he doesn't have one anymore.

OMG! ROFLCOPTERS!!!

Iam falling off my chair with laughter..
What's even funnier is that every single one of us has done a similar thing at one time or another in our life.
HILARIOUS!
Except for the fact that you are stuck at your office..
I wonder if he had other stops to make before going home?
Sorry Crakeur I can be so mean sometimes..

reply to post by AccessDenied


well, stuck in the office is somewhat relative since I am working late anyway. it's a bit easier as the family is gone for the weekend and I am (cue music) all by my seh eh elf.

reply to post by Crakeur


Just for the sheer torture factor of it all Crakeur..


Man Iam so nasty today!

so I have to ask... why lock the bathrooms if this is such a hassle?

reply to post by scientist


you'll have to ask the building management. they say it is to keep "trouble" out of the bathroom. what they mean is the homeless. Well, it is the management company's staff that should keep the homeless from entering the building unless they have business here. It should be noted that once, several years ago, when my office was on a different floor, a woman was discovered in the bathroom by the cleaning crew. it was a weekend and she was, apparently, sleeping there. when they woke her and asked her what she was doing there she said she was a friend of mine. she used my name. freaked me out but the staff here told me she probably looked up a name on a floor just in case she got caught.

so, yeah, to keep crazy people out I guess but, as I said, the security in the lobby should be handling that.

reply to post by AccessDenied


I didn't listen/watch as I would rather shave my head with a cheese grater and chew tinfoil than listen to that song sung by her. I didn't even know she sang it. I was going for the original version. I know, not as manly as Celine Dion but the remakes never quite live up to the originals.

Originally posted by Crakeur
reply to post by AccessDenied

 

I didn't listen/watch as I would rather shave my head with a cheese grater and chew tinfoil than listen to that song sung by her. I didn't even know she sang it. I was going for the original version. I know, not as manly as Celine Dion but the remakes never quite live up to the originals.

Ahem that was the whole point..Like I said..AD is so bad today..