Jonah you noob! (AIASP)

Jonah woke up. His head was pounding from the drink he had last night. Normally he didn’t drink but it was a crew mates birthday and everyone insisted he had at least 1 drink.

He lay there for a moment, hoping the bed would stop moving and that the thumping in his head wouldn’t make so much noise. He never realised that breaking wind could sound so loud and make the thumping in his head worse. He gently rolled over and looked at his clock. It said 2.45, well, the clock didn’t say it as such, but he wished it could as his eyes were having trouble focusing. He was late for work. Surely the crew would not be happy about that. Ok, he’s made some mistakes in the past, but the crew forgave him but he’d never been late before. A feeling of dread came over him as he pondered the confrontation he would have to have with the crew about his lateness.

He then had another thought. This does happen from time to time. He’s not prone to never having them and when he does he feels happy. Two thoughts in a row were pretty good going. He thought that maybe the entire crew would also be late for work seeing as they were all at the party last night. Then the semblance of a question formed in his aching head. Who was flying the ship?

Groggily, he pulled himself up into a sitting position. Gently holding his throbbing head with one hand, the other fumbled for a tumbler, then the tap and a display of water collecting ability that even he found amazing in his current state. Luckily the sink was next to his bed so he didn’t have to go too far. He drank and realized how dry his throat was.

He took a few minutes to gather his thought and hoped the room would stop zooming in and out. He checked the clock again, 2.45. Wow, was he late. Then he wondered just how long he’d been sat there as it had been 2.45 the last time he looked at the clock. Considering the state of his head, he decided to sit there a few more minutes. Grabbing another cup of water that was swiftly downed, he pulled himself up to relieve himself in the toilet all cabins have.

“Aaaaaahhhh, Niagara falls!!” he exclaimed.

All his normal bodily functions were now coming back into working order and he could clearly see the clock now. Still, it didn’t matter as it clearly displayed 2.45.

“Well, I’d better get off to work now. I’ll ask Morty to come fix the clock.”

He collected his overalls from the corner in the back of the room, and tried to put them on without falling over in his dazed condition. Eventually winning the battle, he bent down to get his bucket and cloths for ‘General dusting duties’ (this was the label he had lovingly applied to the side of the bucket). He turned towards the door and glancing into his bucket to check he had his cloths he reached for the door handle.
Then he looked up and was considerably surprised to see the door open.

Open was an understatement. The door had gone! It wasn’t there! Neither was the rest of the wall once he examined the empty space that was the door. His bucket hit the floor with a soft ‘thunk’. His jaw followed shortly after, for as he looked out of his room, through what was a wall, all he could see was the ocean, a sandy beach and then a tree line.

He called it a tree line as he had no other way of describing the plants that he did see. He’d never seen trees with blue leaves before, or purple trunks as he looked a bit harder.
There was a multitude of different plants gently swaying in the warm breeze that were mixed in with the trees. He gathered up his gaping jaw and collected his sanity from the floor. No wonder then as to why he had been dreaming of sailing boats and seagulls. His attention was now back on his room.

Where the wall and his door had been, he could clearly see that the two side walls, the ceiling and the floor had all been cut away from the wall containing the door. It was clearly obvious that the metal walls had been cut with a cutting torch and he was no longer in space and most definitely on the beach of a planet he’d never seen.

Then an idea sprang up as if out of nowhere. He wondered if the ship had crashed and the rest of the ship was still connected to the rest of his room and that he was just so very lucky to survive. There might be other survivors, or injured. Forgetting his bucket, he stepped out of his room onto the beach and looked around the right side of his room.
Nothing else there, so, he walked to the left side of his room and stepped around the corner. No further connecting structures there either. There was nothing else above his room so after a small pause he rushed around to the back of his room.
Nothing.

He and his room were marooned. He walked up the beach a little way just out of shear astonishment rather than curiosity. He turned back towards his room and that’s when he noticed it.

On the back outside wall of his room, painted in large, bright red letters, was this;

‘Jonah you noob! Drain cleaner does not wash clothes! This was the last time we will put up with you. Your chances have gone out the window. We got you drunk last night then while you slept we cut your entire room out of the ship and dropped you here. You’ll have to feed yourself until you get rescued. IF you ever do that is. Bye and thanks for destroying all our clothes! Signed, The Crew.’

“Well, that’s just downright rude and inconsiderate! He shouted whilst placing his hands on his hips to make himself look like the jolly green giant.

Nobody heard him though. His words were just carried away on the warm breeze only to fall onto the ears of the blue and purple trees. If they had ears they might have heard him.

Jonah stood there in stunned panic. Looking around, there seemed to be no evidence of anyone that had any form of intelligence, so at this point, emergency phone calls were out of the question. His still thumping head paled into insignificance upon the reality of his new situation. He went back into his room for another drink of water. He grabbed the tumbler and turned the tap. 6 drops of water later and he realized he must have had the last of the water that was sat in the pipe. Jonah lay on his bed, and cried. Then he fell asleep, which was probably a good idea, seeing how bad his head was.

Jonah woke up to feel a cool shot of air brush gently across his cheek. Wearily, his eyes began to open. The room was dark. He reached for the light switch. ‘Click’, no response.
Then he remembered what had happened. Sitting up, Jonah looked out the wall and saw the stars.

He rushed outside and looked up. He could see two moons, but that was not what he was looking for. Jonah was looking for any passing ships. He stood there for a few minutes, mostly in awe of the stars above him, but also in the realization that even if a craft did fly over, they would never have seen him. He needed to make a fire, a big fire. Until he could do that, he was more than aware that he would have to find food and water first.

As it was too dark to go wandering around in this completely new world, he sat on the beach, looking around and taking in the new sounds. The gentle lapping of the sea against the shore, the rustling leaves of all the strange plants he’d seen earlier. There were some other noises that he cold only describe as animals of some sort, unless the plants could talk to each other. He had no idea what it was so discovering that would have to wait.

He lay back and said;

“I’m all alone in a strange place.”

Morning came and the warm blue sun shone down and woke Jonah. He knew what he had to do. Find water and food. If that failed at least he could keep his room clean with his dusting cloths. He knew that he could only survive for 4 days without water, but he could manage 2 weeks without food if he had water, so his attention was immediately drawn to water. All water runs to the sea which can only mean that walking along the coast will eventually bring him to a river outlet. Hopefully.

He knew he could walk in one direction and die of thirst, yet walk in the other and find water just around the corner. Which direction he took was a brain ache so he decided to let his dusting cloths decide. Yellow takes him west, red takes him east. He sat in front of his bucket, picked it up, closed his eyes and shook the bucket. With his eyes still closed he placed the bucket on the floor, reached in with his hand and pulled out a cloth.

Yellow, West it is then. He got up and taking his bucket and cloths with him, he set off in his first quest on this untouched planet. He pondered the possibility of finding sentient life somewhere. If he didn’t then the next nearest was some 3 light years away unless someone else had their bedroom cut out of their ship as well.
He made a mental note, numbered it and labeled it, to make sure that he took in his surroundings as he was now a sightseer as well as alone. Walking close to the tree line, listening intently to its varying noises, Jonah determined that there had to be some form of animal rummaging around in there somewhere. There were no birds in the sky, as of yet, and this was quite puzzling indeed.

Looking North through the vegetation he could just make out the tops of some mountains way off in the distance.

About 15 minutes later he saw a break in the tree line beginning to emerge. His curiosity getting the better of him, Jonah quickened his pace. The trees cleared and the sight that now befell him was wonderful indeed. He had no idea of the true beauty of this place.

Jonah could not do much else but stand and stare in awe at the gently rolling hills that appeared to be covered in an almost silvery grass that glistened under the blue sun as the wind rushed around. The colours of the plants left blotches of orange, green, blue and violet all across the landscape and in amongst it all was a crystal blue pool of water.

With all the care he could give, he hurriedly walked to the pool. There were definitely some animals running around for as he moved further inland, he could see and hear various plants rustling and moving. Nothing came his way so that was a good sign. Right now, the last thing he needed was some huge monster to burst out of the ground and eat him.

He safely reached the edge of the pool of water. It was beautiful. A rich crystal blue, sparkling as it rippled. Almost too good to drink. First he had to make sure it was safe to do so. Jonah kneeled down and smelt the water, then, he touched it with the tip of his finger.

“No adverse effects yet” he calmly stated with an air of self confidence and a smug smile.

With the droplet of water on his finger he touched it to his lips and waited. It hadn’t hurt his finger, but he had to be sure it was safe to put in his mouth. No tingling sensations, no burning feeling, nothing really. Collecting another drop, he tasted it with his tongue and oh! the sweetness of the divine liquid.

“By Jimminy!” he blurted.

Cupping his hand he scooped up what he could and drank it. He had to admit, it was the best water he had ever tasted. Then he remembered that the majority of water he’d ever drunk had been aboard cargo ships crossing deep space and the water there was always recycled for years at a time. He sat up in content contemplation and considered food. But with his thirst quenched he desired a swim in the glorious water.

Jonah stripped off and jumped right in. It was a bit silly really seeing as he went to so much trouble making sure the water was safe, he didn’t think about anything ‘alive’ lurking below the surface. But luckily for our intrepid hero there was nothing below that was of any bother.

He swam around, floated a little, bobbed about and dived down to see if there was anything edible down there. Bang out of luck on that one. It was just a murky, mulch bottom. As he surfaced, something caught his eye near his clothing. He looked across and sat on top of his clothes was this tiny creature. It was a rusty orange colour, appeared to have 4 legs and 2 arms with a short neck and an elongated head. It was sniffing his clothes and nudging them with its nose like it was preparing to settle down for the night or make a nest.

“Hey!” cried Jonah

With that, the little creature looked right at Jonah, then turned and ran off double quick.
Jonah climbed out of the pool, got dressed, filled his bucket with water and began to walk back to his ‘room’, all the while having the sense of being followed. He kept looking back to see if he was being followed but he couldn’t see anything.

Once back at his box, he decided to take the rest of the day off and gently amble along the coast line in the other direction to see if he could find any driftwood or other resources. Maybe he’ll catch a glimpse of a ship on the sea somewhere. But he doubted that very much. He did find some wood and made several trips back and forth and had quite a nice pile for a fire tonight. The night came and instead of lighting the fire, he decided to save it in case he did see a ship on the sea or out in space.

But this gave him a bit of a dilemma. Stay awake at night to ‘maybe if you’re lucky’ see a ship in space and then light a big fire and sleep during the day, or sleep at night and hope to see a ship at sea. Again he thought that that was completely improbable too. Nevertheless he decided to keep the wood and he would try to rotate his sleeping patterns.

Jonah awoke to rustling sounds and wondered what it could be. He slowly lifted his head and there it was! The small rusty orange creature was rummaging around the wood pile he had collected.

“Ah, bless him.” Said Jonah.

The creature heard him and looked around into Jonah’s eyes. Neither moved or made any sounds. Jonah slowly began to get up and just as he was about to swing his legs off his bed the little creature ran off. Jonah had a feeling he’d see that little guy again sometime.

Today he had to search for food and one of the best ways, he thought, was to see if he could follow that little creatures footprints. So that’s what he did. He knew that the cheeky little fellow would run off to wherever he was most normally to be found. The trail was quite easy to follow until he got deeper inland and the sand became the golden brown mud that was typical all over.

Jonah took a rough guesstimate as to where the little critter was going, so he headed in that general direction. Slowly he walked, keeping his eyes open for any movement, when suddenly, just in front of him below a bush was one of these animals. And it was eating something. It looked like berries or nuts, but Jonah couldn’t tell what they were really, he’d have to try them. So he began walking towards the creature. The creature spotted Jonah and ran off, leaving a few of these ‘berries’ behind.

Jonah picked one up, studied it, sampled it and eventually decided they were safe to eat. He then looked around to see what plant they had come from. He found it quite quickly.
There were millions of them all over the place. This gave him an idea.

Jonah led himself to believe that this was his best idea of all time. The plan was to dig up some, take them close to his box and re-plant them there. Thus, saving him the effort of having to walk all the way inland to collect the berries. Getting the water was not a big problem. He was quite happy to walk there.

Jonah tried pulling a plant from the ground. To his surprise it came up rather easily. He wondered how many he might need near his area for this to be a benefit. He decided to get 30 of the plants for the moment and see how it went. The stems were quite long and the actual bush itself was shaped like a miniature Oak tree. He soon realized that the little creatures were not big enough to reach the berries that were actually on the bushes. This would explain why the creature he saw was eating the fallen berries.

After pulling up the 30 he required, he grabbed 4 and made his way back towards the coast line. Once he got to a place he thought was good enough, he planted the 4 he had and proceeded back to get more.

As he got closer to where the other plants were waiting, he could hear lots of high pitched squeals and squeaks and chirping noises. Very similar to what he heard on his first night alone here. Jonah cautiously moved towards his bushes.

What he found shocked him. There were hundreds of these little creatures in and around and jumping all over his bushes and the y were ripping the berries off faster than he could the bushes up.

“Well I never!” exclaimed Jonah in a quiet voice.

He sat and watched them. Some were running off with their arms full of berries, others were gobbling them down while others seemed to be getting organized and stripping the bushes bare. This was very odd to Jonah as previously he’d only seen two of these critters. One if the second had been the first.

Within roughly 15 minutes the bushes no longer had any berries and all the creatures had scampered off.

This caused Jonah a bit of dilemma. He had planned to make use of that lot and he still could if he replanted them where they were now. This he did and was pleased that the little guys had had their fill. Jonah grabbed 4 more full of berries and took them back to the 4 he had already re-planted.

As the days passed, he couldn’t help but think of those small rusty orange creatures and how they scrambled for the berries, so he became even more curious about them. He formulated a plan. Quite a cunning plan for Jonah. He wasn’t used to formulating anything. The last time he formulated something it got him thrown off a ship and deserted on a random planet!

What he was going to do was get some more of the plants, but trail them back to his area so the little guys will follow them and Jonah could observe them from a distance.

“Great idea!” said Jonah in a ‘Eureka’ type manner.

So off he went and pulled up 10 bushes, 3 of which he would drop and trail them back. Then he would drop the rest in a pile just on the tree line so he could hide in his box and view from there.

It was a success and it didn’t take long either and these guys must have learnt from before as now there were hundreds more than before and they stripped the bushes in minutes.

Jonah was amazed. Their organization and desire for the berries was incredible. This left him thinking for hours on end.

The days began to turn into weeks. Jonah had now grown a full face beard and his hair was getting a bit longer. It didn’t bother him as there was nobody else around to compare to or worry about. He missed conversation though, even if it was just others telling him how much of a noob he was or how he had to try and explain his way out of trouble yet again. His experiments with the berries and the small guys, whom he now referred to as ‘Rusties’, continued and it almost became a regular occurrence. So much so that sometimes, no sooner had he dropped a bush that there were several Rusties already scrambling over them.

Another thing he had noticed was that the dead bushes dried out to become excellent firewood, especially for kindling. Now he decided upon a large harvest for the Rusties.

The next morning Jonah made his way out to the fields where the multitude of bushes were growing. He chose a place where he thought that the Rusties might not too observant of his activities and he began pulling up plant after plant. He was so busy pulling up plants that he completely failed to spot the thousands of Rusties that had congregated around the bushes he’d pulled up.
Jonah stopped to catch his breath and to check on his handy work. He turned and was almost knocked to the ground by the surprise sight that he was presented with.

“Have you lot brought your families with you this time?” he asked.

He couldn’t even guess at the number of them there. There looked to be old ones, young ones and a vast amount of in-betweens. Some young ones were sitting on the backs of others gleefully covered in berry juice and chomping down on the berries they had in their hands.

He was about to start pulling some more up, but as he was about to move, he noticed that they were now surrounding him. He though he’d have a little fun with them. He pulled up a bush, held it high above them and shook it hard. Berries were dropping and flying everywhere and the Rusties went crazy. It was like a world series win for the little league.

Jonah stood there. Very pleased with himself. He realized what had happened. He had increased their numbers by his very first 30 plants he had pulled up and by his subsequent experiments.

When the mini riot had died down and the majority had left, Jonah wanted to take a walk. He’d been here a while now and hadn’t really gone walkabouts that much. He decided to take a trip further North, or at least until he ran out of food and water that was naturally available.

He decided to start out in two days time. This would allow him a good rest and feed before a journey, no matter how big or small the journey turned out to be. To Jonah, this was good forward planning.

Two days later, Jonah stepped out of his box, looked North and was about to start walking when he saw one of the Rusties sat near the tree line watching him.
Jonah approached slowly and calmly. The Rusty didn’t move. Didn’t even flinch. Jonah passed by and picked up the pace. After a short while Jonah realized that the Rusty was following him! Jonah was sure the Rusty would turn back eventually so he carried on.

One night, Jonah was sitting down preparing for bed when he looked up at the two moons and a thought struck him. This thought had taken months to come to the forefront and he was very surprised he had not thought of it sooner. This thought was a bit of a problem. He had finally become aware that in all his time here it had not rained once. Not even a drizzle or spit spots of rain. Nothing. He couldn’t even remember when he last saw a cloud.

Thinking of rain and the sound it made sent Jonah off into a deep slumber.

Jonah woke early, having slept deeply. He was aware of a slight pressure on his chest. He lifted his head to see what it could be. It was still a bit dark as the blue sun was never too bright first thing in the morning. Yet he could clearly see that it was the Rusty that had followed him all this way. He knew he had to turn back. He could not let anything happen to the little guy. Carefully picking up the sleeping Rusty, Jonah placed him in his overall pocket and began walking South. It was several days walk and he’d have to find some extra food for the both of them. Water had been found everywhere and this might have explained why there had been no rain.

As the sun rose higher Jonah felt the Rusty stirring so pulled him out and placed him on the ground. The Rusty was almost completely awake now and with the last drifts of sleep ebbing away, it looked up at Jonah.

Jonah walked on.

Daylight had finally raised its beacon and the land was beautiful.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jonah noticed a tree he had not seen before. He side tracked over to it. Upon its branches were what resembled berries very similar to the Rusties berry bushes. However, these berries were even too high for Jonah to reach without assistance.

Picking up a long stick Jonah knocked some of the berries from the tree. They fell to the floor and Jonah proceeded to pick them up. The Rusty just watched. Jonah put the berries in his pocket and decided to keep them just in case they got lost and needed to eat them.

After several days, they made it back to where they had started. The little Rusty had gone off to see all the other Rusties and Jonah sat in his box feeling more alone than he ever had. He cried a while.

It had been almost a year since Jonah was marooned here by his ‘ship mates’.

“Swines! No wonder they gave me a big glass! It never seemed to empty either.” Jonah remembered.

He decided to have an anniversary celebration. He walked out into the berry fields. He soon spotted the little Rusty following him again. With determined deliberation, Jonah began pulling up berry bushes. He spent hours doing it, losing count at just over 375 plants pulled. Deciding to carry on for a few hours more, the Rusties were in their element.

Jonah wondered that if they had the knowledge on how to make berry wine, there would be a lot of drunk Rusties wobbling around right now. A couple of hours later, Jonah was exhausted and had to stop. He staggered back to his box to take a long drink of the wonderfully sweet water. Still, the little Rusty was with him, almost by his side as they walked back.

Once they got back, Jonah had an idea for a special treat for them both. From his pocket he pulled out a few berries from the tree that he had knocked them down from. Jonah walked around to the back of his box and sat down under the rude remarks left by his ex-crew. Here he sat down leaning against the metal wall. The little Rusty jumped up onto one thigh.

“What’s up little fella?” asked Jonah.

The berries Jonah held in his hand were now placed on his other thigh. He picked one up.
Just as he put it in his mouth the Rusty touched Jonahs left hand as it rested on the same thigh. Jonah bit down on the berry and they were both instantly turned to stone.

“Oh heck!” thought Jonah.

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t feel anything. His world was suddenly turned into an extremely dark living nightmare. He could just about see the little Rusty on his thigh. But that was about all he could see. He couldn’t move his eyes and he couldn’t hear the sea anymore, or the wind, or the rustling of the plants. He was doomed and he knew it.

Jonah tried to reason that the effect would wear off soon. He had no idea he was now made of stone. He had no way of touching himself or looking at himself to find out. He was the only person capable of speech or salvation for trillions of miles.

Slowly the darkness got darker and stayed dark. There was no improvement in his condition. He had no clue as to the fate of the little Rusty. But he felt he had deeper problems than this now. He had lost track of the hours (days) he had been in this position.

The only thing he did work out in his conscious mind was that the reason why there were no birds or animals bigger than the Rusties, or smaller for that matter, was because of the berries he had eaten. Every species capable of eating those berries had ended up the same way as he had. The Rusties were the special ‘top of the food chain’ edition for this planet.

Then Jonah went mad. Stark, staring bonkers. Completely flipped. Totally ga-ga.
He couldn’t even think his own name. Lost to the four winds, his mind had turned to pulp. A damp soggy mess of what was commonly known as ‘Jonah the noob’ swam around inside a stone skull that used to house something called a brain. Or was it a Brian?
Well, Jonah couldn’t work it out if you spelt it out in 17 different languages and photo copied it 4 times and gave a powerpoint demonstration of it all.

Time ticked by. No idea how long. Occasionally, Jonah would get some of his mind back and was able to hold a small conversation with him self. It was more of random gibberish but he knew what he wanted to say. This went on, and on.

It carried on so long that Jonah had re-written the bible, 87 times. He gained insights into the most difficult of quantum physics. He had gone mad on 9,006 separate occasions. He became enlightened on 3 occasions.

And now, 4.5 million years later, something was happening. For the first time in a very long time, he though he heard something. There it was again, what was it?

Something had really sparked his curiosity now. What was this noise he could hear? Was he really hearing anything or was he going mad again?

“p o sea ah b.” said the noise.

“I did hear something”, Jonah thought.

He sat and listened intently, he soon realized that the darkness was lifting very, very gradually. The noise was getting louder and clearer

“pro sea jah oob’, said the noise.

Jonah was kinda shaken by this a little but after reaching enlightenment 3 times, he was not too phased by it all and was actually quite pleased to be able to hear something for a change. He’d got quite bored listening to himself all the time. He also had another sensation. He felt warmer.

He could hear the noise much clearer now.

“The prophecy, Jonah noob prophecy”

“What on Earth are they talking about”, wondered Jonah. Suddenly remembering he wasn’t on Earth and where he really was and what had happened all that time ago.

“The prophecy, the prophecy, Jonah noob prophecy”’ cried the hundreds of voices.

His vision was coming back and he could just make out what looked like people roughly about 4 feet tall. Then he heard something else.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. It was his heart. He was pumping blood again. He could feel warmth coming back to his extremities. He could move his eyes yet not see clearly. He could see the sky and he could feel what he could only describe as rain.

Rain? This immediately sparked his interest. Being of the higher IQ after all this time, he rather quickly realised that this rain had freed him from his stone confines. He was very soon able to move his arms and legs. Eye sight was improving every second and he could feel the rush of life pumping around his body.

Slowly he tried to get to his feet, as he did so, something brushed over his hand and made a soft thud on the floor. Jonah gained his composure and managed to raise himself to a standing position. At the exact same moment he was able to stand upright, his vision became fully operational and the crowd in front of him went wild.

It was the Rusties! After all this time, they had evolved and had never forgotten what Jonah noob did for them. If it wasn’t for Jonah noob, they may never have survived in the first place.

Jonah just stood there with a smile on his face and tears streaming from his eyes. There was a slight knock on his left ankle. Jonah looked down and he saw the little Rusty from all that time ago. Jonah realized now that the Rusty had tried to stop him eating the berry but had made contact with Jonahs skin as Jonah bit down and tasted the powerful juice inside.

Jonah cried harder and fell to his knees.

One of the nearest ‘new and improved’ Rusties was pointing to something over Jonahs shoulder. Jonah turned to look and there it was, the back wall of his box, standing where he had sat after all those years. On it was the faintest remains of a message.
Although Jonah knew what it once said, the Rusties had built their world on it and for them, since their time began, they remembered it as


‘Jonah noob rain clean does wash time we will put with you.
the wind . while you slept we
feed ourself until you rescued. Sign.’



And Jonah cried.


FIN


[edit on 13-2-2008 by Extralien]

Well...what a story. I think you´re good at writing. You use simple, non-pretentious language, lots of pleasant descriptive imaging. Just when I thought "OK, this story is a bit too long for contest format" (but good short story length), the twist came with him turning into stone. And that was sensational because the build up had been nice and easy and pleasant, and the shock was unexpected. Probably the strongest part of the story.

You managed to put the old stranded/robinson crusoe/captain kirk/tom hanks into yet another light. Being caught in a body for millions of years will indeed lead to going mad, becoming enlightened several times, etc.

Good job!


(BTW: When you still thought intrepid would be the judge of this contest, you inserted a subliminal message into the story: "intrepid hero"

[edit on 13-2-2008 by Skyfloating]

Thank you for your comment Sky.

I tried to give reasoning and stability to the situation. I had already created the idea of the story, but fitting it together in a way that could truly represent Jonah being alone and setting that in a time frame was the fun part.

Each plot was the key to the situation. The marooned Jonah and his bedroom was the key to how he became alone.
The rusties were key to him 'keeping going' whilst alone and they were key to the ending, as was his room.

The hardest part was finding a 'fit in' point for the berry that does the damage. I had to build up to that, but I also could not leave out the importance of the Rusties or the rain. It came to a time where I had to force the story into the ending.

I had previously decided he was going to be set in stone before I had created the bedroom idea so connecting the two 'AIASP' scenarios was doubly effective. And if you study the story a bit closer, Jonah was actually alone in the space craft he got booted out of. He was a social reject, the 'toilet cleaner' of a long haul flight. a total noob nobody wanted around as he was seen as a jinx.

Also, in the navy, a Jonah is a jinx. A bad luck figure on board a ship. Spacecraft are seen as ships.

And sorry to disappoint but I was previously aware that Intrepid was not a judge and I did briefly smile as I inserted that word into the story

It took me roughly 8 hours to actually write it but with breaks, an overall 10 hours to post from my start time.

OH God, what an incredible story. So far the best I have read and that speaks volumes for your work. Thanks for a great story.

Thank you very much antar.

There were quite a lot of other ideas I had for it and I particularly wanted to go deeper into his 'aloneness' whilst trapped in his own head..

but I also didn't want to make it way too long for people to read..

Thank you for your comment.. much appreciated.