GETTING OLD, page 3

Solar and Boon, I recently turned thirty, and was struck the realization that I am mortal, someday I am going to die and it freaked me out. I started looking back on my life and thinking, jesus that time I did this and that was so cool, and there is no way to get that back. Then I started thinking about all the things I should have done, all the mistakes I made, I missed like five days of work because I was so distraught. Why didnt I go to college, why didnt I stay in Alaska when I was up there, on and on, reliving my whole life and doubting all the steps my life had gone through.

I am a pretty strong person and it put me to my knees, I couldnt stop thinking about the fact that someday, I was going to be worm food, and by god my life is over, I didnt do things the way I should have. I just couldnt shake the feeling, my wife who is a therapist said honey at your age it is absolutely normal to have these thoughts. You are at the age that a huge percentage of men go through the same thoughts, so you arent a freak, you are normal.

bless my wife that helped me feel a touch better, but it was just a process of roughing it out. I stopped looking back, and instead starting looking forward. I listen to music and listening to the Beatles all you need is love, "theres no where you can be that isnt where your meant to be" that snapped me out of my looking back. If I would have done one thing in my life different, I wouldnt have my wife and I wouldnt have my daughter in my life right now. To me that is just unexceptable, I couldnt live without either of them.

On a side note, it was the Stones, what a drag it is getting old, not the beatles.

Another song that resonated with me, is Brad Paisleys if I could write a letter to me. It is about him writing a letter to himself at a young age, at one point in the song after talking about his wife and kids he says, "dont worry these are no where near the best years of your life".

Dont worry guys it will get better, just keep on keeping on. It sounds like you both have kids, look at them when you are feeling bad. Your life is them now, you had your childhood, now it is time to let them have theirs. Make it special for them, use your life experience to help them through their lives. The circle of life happens, you have to just go with it and get as much enjoyment as you can out of it. You are going to die one day, there is absolutely no way around it, you might as well make the best of this experience while you can.

If you cant get over it by thinking through it, just do what I do and turn to alchohol. Kidding dont do that.