posted on Dec, 4 2007 @ 03:38 AM
Thanks for responding. I have meditated for years (zazen, visualisations) which eventually lead me to a mind state of silence which at first was
interesting (mushin). I'm not a buddhist, I study many different faiths. After years of having a thought train it is like I jumped off and there is
no inner voice while I still am. But at some point other people or entities or whatever they are (there are many I have met, only a few seem to stay)
began talking about a lot of things. Philoshopical subjects but also history, the human mind and how we came to be. But it only stays at that, talking
even tough I don't want to talk to them. At this moment for example I know what I want to say here on this forum but those voices try to talk to me
and have my attention even if it means saying the things I am typing (repeating me).
Most of the topics are about buddhism but when I really don't want to be with those people I try and change the subject, even if it means to
imagining myself being in some far away jungle where nobody can find "me". Or trying to live in the moment and realize where I am physically. It is
so difficult I have trouble painting my walls (I just bought a new apartement and still have many unpacked items). All in all I tried a lot even go to
the police but then certain entities influence them (even a psychic), even my parents.
For example, one time I fled my daily routine and stayed in hotels just to get away from it all, then I come back and had to pick up the keys to my
new apartement at my parent's house who helped me move (I stayed with them during moving). So I arrive at my parent's house, asking my keys back but
they would not hand them to me. Then I demand them and they respond they'll call the police while having the house locked up with me inside. There
was no violence for clarity. So they call the police and I do the same, the police arrives (after driving past my street and being confused where they
should go). Then the police talks to me and my parents (this is only to get my keys to the apartement I bought with a mortgage) and I end up being
arrested, taken to a police station and being locked up for a few hours. Had a talk with psychologists whom I managed to explain there is nothing
wrong with me and eventually I get my keys back and I got back to my apartment. I have no prior records of any disfunctioning except these voices
which draw my attention making it difficult for me to do what I want to do (which is get a life, socialize, study, work), but I try not to mention
them (altough I now feel I am ready to talk about it with others via the internet anonymous as possible). I even quit my job trying to make a new
start for myself and they wouldn't accept my resignation (while every other collegue that quit had no problems with). This is how bad it is for me.
[edit on 4-12-2007 by Abused]
[edit on 4-12-2007 by Abused]
[edit on 4-12-2007 by Abused]