**Laughter, The Best Medicine.**

Ever have one of those days where you feel like this???

This guy is walking along a beach and he stubs his toe on something, examining the object it appears to be metal - picking it out of the sand it appears to be an old oil lamp - rubbing it a genie appears (as often does in such circumstances).

The genie declared "And now for your third wish!"

"Third wish?" - the bemused man replied. "How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?"

"You've had your first two wishes already - your second was to return everything to the way it was before your first wish" said the genie.

"Well I think your full of ..... But I guess it cant hurt - I wish to completely understand women!"

"Odd - that was your first wish"

The Blonde in the Blizzard

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero, when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to the parking lot and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her snowy situation.

She then remembered her daddy's advice that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough, in a little while, a snowplow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snowplow, she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

After quite some time had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signalled for her to roll down her window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Canadian Tire next.


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You're Probably A Canadian If:
You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

You think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

Your local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

Your most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends

All Canadian Jokes from www.thetoque.com

Here's one of my favorite.

Only a Mom Could Love

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Ways to Turn Down Unwanted Men

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I would rather have the money

HE: I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon, I’ve been looking for a face like yours

HE: Hi - didnt we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must’ve been given your share

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry I’m having a headache this Saturday

HE: Your face must turn a few heads
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs

HE: Go on don’t be shy , ask me out
SHE: OK -get out

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE:Why? Don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I’ve already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.


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USELESS BUT INTERESTING TRIVIA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "Goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

LESSON


Once upon a time....A married couple in their early 60's
was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet,
romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy
appeared on their table and said,
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for
being faithful to each other for all this time,
I will grant you each a wish."
"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband"
said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and -- abracadabra! --
two tickets for the new QM 2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:
" Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only
occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is
to have a wife 30 years younger than me".
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her
magic stick and -abracadabra! -the husband became 92 years old....
The moral of this story..... Men might be ungrateful idiots....
But fairies are......female.

Heres a little something I found that made me laugh.. NOw mind you, I dont get down with alot of rap, but this is freakin funny if you are a dork like me!!!







[edit on 3-12-2007 by zysin5]

[edit on 3-12-2007 by zysin5]

reply to post by AccessDenied


You may think the little face guy that smashes his face with rakes could never happen right?
Well I charge you to put a rake in the yard, and forget about and go out back in the night time...

I did that one time in my life.. And it smashed my face so bad, it cut open my skin right over the eye!! And left a scar to this day!!
OMG that freakin hurt!!
But when I look back on that its pretty funny..
It can happen!! LOL
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For more laughs... heheh listen to the all might Sol!


[edit on 3-12-2007 by zysin5]

Heres some more medicine for you!!!

Enjoy the End of De world!!! LOL

First time I saw this..I was drunk..so you can Imagine the reaction..
ROFLMFAO!!!!