**Laughter, The Best Medicine.**

We all know this is true.Nothing makes us feel better than a good laugh.That is one reason I love coming to BTS everyday, because I know something on here will make me crack a smile at least once.(NOT ON CAMERA, though)
So, I have started this thread for the same reason.A place to post funny stuff, jokes, stories, pics, videos..whatever you like...and for others to come here and just get a good dose of laughter...especially if they are feeling down or having a bad day.

So here is few to start....

THE SPEEDER
A guy is being followed by a highway patrol officer with his lights on.The guy panics debates if he wants to pull over or out run the cop.He punches the gas and loses the officer,but pulls over because he realized he was only speeding.The officer catches up to him instantly and pulls up behind him.

Officer: "Ok sir,I'm feeling generous today and if you can give me one good reason that I've never heard before about why you were speeding and lost me,I'll let you go since it's the weekend and I'm 5 minutes away from the end of my shift."

The guy thinks to himself for a minute...

Speeder: "Well officer...a couple of years ago my wife ran off with a highway patrol officer...I thought you were bringing her back."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE BLONDE AND THE PLANE
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back The blonde replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat..
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and she will have to return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use. And that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that doesn't listen to reason.

The pilot says, You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear....., and she says, 'Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea,' gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. The pilot replied,'I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JUSTICE SERVED(HAHAHA



DEADHEADS

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

THIS WOULD BE ME

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

LEARN YOUR LESSON

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

AHH, THAT'S BETTER!

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOPE I made you laugh!

[edit on 15-11-2007 by AccessDenied]

Sharing jokes with a friend is fun. Everyone I have met fall's for this one. You tell your friend you have a knock knock joke for them. Then you ask them to say "Knock Knock", and of course they do. Then you say "Who's there?", and the funny part is they just look at you stupid cause they don't know who's there. Works every time, I swear.

POSER!!!

mwahahahahahhhahahah





Jasn

Ok, this is totally true, so help me Gawd....

Last week my car broke and i ended up taking a little shuttle bus we have in Hyannis, The "B" Bus, to go home after work. The bus was crowded and i had to sit on the first seat next to someone who looked a little strange.

He started telling me about his psych meds, the fact that every song played on the radio was written by him and stolen, He is suwing every major star in Hollywood, bla bla bla bla, so i said to myself, oh brother, i'm in for a hell of a ride

The bus stopped and here was my chance to move to the next seat across from him when it became available. I said excuse me, but i want to stretch my legs. It was a loooong ride and it was dark outside. At one point, the bus stopped and thru my sleepy eyes, i thought i was home. I said "Oh, this is my house" started to get up, then i said, "No it isnt"
and across the bus i hear that guy say "THAT'S MY KIND OF GIRL"!!!!

Everyone on the bus was laughing. (you had to be there)

reply to post by SimiusDei


Oh yeah shows what you know..it is POSEUR, and if you are refering to me...Kiss my patootie!!!

reply to post by AccessDenied


Hey, isn't that an attack?

MODS!! MODS!!! COME GET HER! hehehe


Wait, can it be an attack if it's true?


Jasn

EDIT TO ADD: I grew up around skaters hahaha, in my world, it's POSER.

[edit on 15-11-2007 by SimiusDei]

Funny Bumper Stickers


I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

It works better if you plug it in

Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends

Honk if you love peace and quiet

Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.

I Brake For No Apparent Reason

I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

KEEP HONKING … I'M RELOADING

IF THE SCREAMS FROM MY TRUNK BOTHER YOU... TURN UP YOUR RADIO!

HARD WORK NEVER KILLED ANYONE BUT WHY TAKE THE CHANCE?

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH? TOUCH MY TRUCK AND FIND OUT!

QUIT HONKING I'M ON THE PHONE, DAMN IT!

DRIVER CARRIES NO LESS THAN 20 LBS. OF AMMO :w:

check out the last minute of this cartoon when wile eats the leg vitamins and bolts after roadrunner with flames trailing behind him..always cracks me up

Psychiatric Hotline
Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline." If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Here's a funny vid for ya folks !!! Hope ya enjoy !!!!!

Dave can't come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken over and I dont work.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?




Stephen Hawkins after a house fire.

reply to post by Now_Then


Oh thats just NASTY...

Heheh how right you are my dear

And now to put a smile on your face is a video here that I have loved for years!!! this is to freakin funny.. haha



I want to take you to a Gay bar!!!!

And this little picture here always puts a smile on my face for some reason.. Just silly funny here..



[edit on 20-11-2007 by zysin5]

Its true.. But you see its good to laugh at..

opps maybe I shouldnt post that here.. didnt realize it had naughty lang. in it..

George Carlin.. Look it up and get ready to laugh

Here the link tho

George Calin speaks out

George Carlin-some people are stupid

George Carlin - Religion is bull

Got stuff?




Lets not forget about Bill Hicks
Bill Hicks, Revelations
It Seemed So Plausible
Bill Hicks - non smokers

[edit on 20-11-2007 by zysin5]

Say no more

reply to post by zysin5


Hahahahha... I'm a big fan of George Carlin ...... that guy could make me laugh anytime ... he speaks the truth

reply to post by zysin5


Ah yes..good old George.
My fav of his was always "The seven words you cannot say on TV" (Or post on ATS..hehehe.
Look them up if you can.It's older stuff, but good.
So being Canadian and all...Here is my contribution for today...


And this..Funny because it's true..Russell Peters
White Canadian Accent (2 profane words)


Oh boy..I'm gonna pull out all the stops here guys.
G'day eh, from the Great White North.Sittin' here on my chesterfield with my toque on, sippin me a brewski, got some backbacon sizzlin....
Gonna fire up the skidoo and take off eh, like from all you hosers.
It's a beauty way to go.

Try this..... (*warning the f word is used - but how does he make it not sound like a swear??, that's a terrible warning - I'm thinking I should get a job with the Jackass people)

Call Me Carmen

A guy is talking to a girl in a bar.

"What's your name?" he asks.

"Carmen," she says. "I had my name changed from 'Mary Lou' to 'Carmen', because I love cars and I love men."

"Cool," he answers.

"What's your name?" she asks him.

He thinks for a second. "Beersex."