How to spt a UFO hunter.

Hi All,

This is my first attempt in the short story section.

How to spot a UFO Hunter


I live in rural New Hampshire. I'd provide a link to Google Earth but who the hell really cares.

A friend of mine knows of my interest in UFO's and said he met a guy at work who was "big into it" and thought the two of us should meet. I agreed and we chatted on the phone and decided to go do a little sky watching together.

I'm pacing back in forth waiting for his arrival. "I hope he doesn't have a small car. The heat better work too because it's only in the mid twenties tonght." Suddenly I hear a door slam. I look out the window and see what can only be described as a Super-Sized SUV, jet black. I meet him at the door and we exchange hand shakes and pleasantries.

"Ready to go?" he asks. I nod and reach for my backpack on the kitchen table. "Need me to grab some of your gear?" he blurts out with a certain enthusiasm reserved for winning touchdowns and 9th inning grand slams.

"Uhm..no this is everything." This had me self conscious to say the least. "What else did he expect me to bring? Am I forgetting something?" These thoughts raced through my head as we made our way towards his vehicle.

We make our way towards the "Presidential Motorcade" and I hear the subtle....beep.....beep..... The vehicles doors and rear hatch have now been unlocked. My house stands no more than 8 feet from where he had parked. "Why did he feel the need to lock it?" I thought to myself.

I decide to throw my backpack in the rear seat. My first indication this guy is a serious hunter comes the instant I open the rear door. My first thought was this guy had just knocked over a local Radio Shack on the way to pick me up. There were camera bags, tripods, monopods, enough batteries to run a M.A.S.H. unit, and I kid you not.....a four person tent!

I casually lay my meager pack on the floor of the rear seat fearing a commingling of gear may render my equipment lost like Atlantis. I still had the tent on my mind as I made my way to the passenger's or soon to be known as the co-pilots area. I casually ask "So you like to camp huh?"
"Nah" He replies. "If I find an area with strong potential, I want to be preparred for the long haul."
"Christ, I gotta work in the morning!" I say to myself all while nodding to him that I completely understand this behavior.

The next thing I notice is that often attempted but never quite duplicated new car smell. I deeply inhale the scent most of us only experience for a one week period every 5 or 6 years after we've purchased a new vehicle. Being ultra clever I blurt out "New huh?"
He stops fumbling with his keys long enough to turn and look me right in the eye. "Yeah, 3 days old. I had to wait an extra three weeks cause I wanted the oversize moonroof installed. Ya know for verticle viewing opportunities."
I locked my facial muscles tightly as to not show how humorous I found that comment to be.

It's 6pm and dark outside when he turns the key in the ignition. We back out of my driveway to the sound of crunching snow and ice giving way to this behemoth yet somehow street legal piece of machinery. We begin heading out on our jouney and something doesn't seem right to me. Then it hits me. "This guy can't be too bright." I'm thinking "I mean he's driving around in a vehicle which could easily withstand the most modern IED an insurgent could assemble. This vehicle might have cost him $70,000 and his friggin' dash board lights have already blown out! Well I'm sure its covered under the warranty." I feel obligated at this point to make him aware of this tragic development.

"Hey....uhm.....you know the dash lights are out?" I say "There's usually a switch or knob somewhere that controls the brightness."
"HAH!" He exclaims "We are going to have fun cause I really like your humor"

cont..........................................

He must of sensed my confusion as his tone and demeanor turned into my 5th grade science teacher's. "In order to achieve maximum viewing, any and all reflections on the viewing surfaces should be minimized and preferably eliminated."
"Yeah, I was just messing with you man." I said hoping he wouldn't read through my bald faced lie.

I feel like I'm on the dark side of the moon as we travel through town. "What time is it?" I thought I had said to myself but obviously had spoken aloud.
My aquaintance says "I'll check." He peels back a piece of strategically located electrical tape to reveal the glowing green numbers once hidden. 7:12pm. He re-applies and we continue.

My mind begins to churn. "This guy has a three day old Monster Truck with the enlarged UFO sunroof option, an electronic superstore in the rear 2/3's, light blocking devices throughout, and what appears to be a unique driving style/posture."

I keep my focus on the road ahead which is illuminated by the optional Boeing 757 landing lights package! I truly think I can see Vermont some 20 miles in the distance. Oncoming cars are giving a wide berth. Some make futile attempts to flash their inferior high-beams at us while others take the safer route and come to complete stops on the shoulder of the road as we amble by.

While I can't see any of the dashboard lights or dials, I'm certain the cabin temperature is nearing 90 degrees. I'm sure this 2000 square foot vehicle is equipped with some form of climate control. "The system will regulate itself shortly." I thought to myself. We leave the town limits and head for a sparsely populated area. "When will the heater stop blowing?"

Just then, the climate control system engaged. Oddly it came from an area I was not expecting. Cabin pressure immediately plummeted and I had the sensation of being sucked into a black hole. As I instinctively looked up it appeared eerily similar to watching a sports stadium opening it's retractible roof as in a domed stadium. The oversized moonroof was beginning it's endless journey to the fully opened position.

Verbal communication was now not an option. The noise was on par with the launching of an F-15 tomcat from the deck of the Ronald Reagan. Either time stopped or the laws of physics began to crumble as I continually shifted my position to see exactly where this sheet of glass was retracting to. The vehicle didn't seem long enough to house this impressive piece of glass. Finally, a hole larger than the one left at O'Hare appeared ALL around me. The proud owner looked at me with a twinkle in his eye just before he gave me a mischieviuos wink.

The temperature dropped 40 degrees in the 26 seconds it took to open the roof. We were nearing our hunting grounds when I noticed something which could have saved this guy a little money when he purchased this beast. There was no need for a seat back on the driver's seat! This man maintained the proper hunting posture the entire time. You know, the forward lean so you see the moisture on the windshiels when you exhale? This was the sign of the true hunter to a fledgling amatuer like myself.

I give him credit though. It only took him 53 minutes to set up his electronic superstore gear outside the vehicle. I know this because I peeled back the electrical tape in order to time him.

4 hours later we are returning home. No pics to post unfortunately. We never saw anything. I mean not even a plane. Comming to a stop in my driveway led to the akward 1st date type of pause.......tick.........tick.......tick "WELL!" I said and he immediately interrupted.
"Wanna go again sometime?" He says.
"Sure, I'd like that." I said, proud to be asked to go on a second date I mean hunt!

So.....What's in your wallet when you go UFO hunting?

Any of this ring true with anyone?

Be Good,

Becker

[edit on 7-11-2007 by Becker44]

Haha, it sounds like you met me in a different dimension, where I'm a bloke and I have a load of cash to spare. Kind of embarrassing, but I'd probably have all the gadgets and gear If I could afford it. And they'd end up just being for show too, 'cos I'd never be able to work them all out..