Why love? Why marriage?

What is everybody's infatuation with falling and being in "love?" I understand the principle perfectly, but why is it pounded into everyone's psyche that you must be "in love" and to "love?"

Same for marriage. I don't understand the kind of pressure put on everybody to have a monogamous relationship, especially one "for life." The current trend in marriage proves that it's a dated institution. Why not just be with someone, with out all the bright lights and gold bands?


Am I a prick, or is there relevance in modern society that requires any of the above?

My .02.
Establishing a relationship other than/above friendship with someone needs to have a legal basis. The parties need to have assets, whether gotten alone or combined, protected. Also in need of legal protection would be any children of that relationship.
Whether one wants to merely declare this legality to a justice of the peace in a courthouse or have a mutithousand $ wedding in a church or beach is up to the parties.

I know many people perfectly happy single. I know some people unhappy being single. I know many people happily married. Likewise, I know people unhappily married.

Infatuation might be compared to a Grand Opening of a business, and Love the successful building up and enjoyment of running that business. A business that only has a successful, fun Grand Opening but the business goes dowhill from there, well, that wasn't enough.

To live with someone in marriage successfully requires that you at least like them and find them physically attractive to you.

"Love" sells a lot of rings and things (all the accoutrements for an engagement, ceremony, honeymoon), and the gifts, the gifts...

I've gotta end here. But one last thing, when the words "for life" were put into the vows, "life" could have been six weeks, six months, or six years, if a spouse got sick/injured and died. Many unhappily married people prayed for a timely death to get out of a bad marriage. With modern health practices we usually live a hell of a lot longer, making "life" a long life sentence in an unhappy marriage.

reply to post by desert


Ew, how unappealing. Marriage is necessary for material purposes.


You can STILL count me out.

Had a chance to get online again before I am away from the computer for the weekend.
More .02
It is best to Love oneself first before you can give Love away to someone else. The more Love one has inside them, the more there is to give away.

There are different ways to express Love. I love my family, my friends, the people I work with, my cat, a stranger, my house, a good book.

Love in a marriage should be fun. When my first marriage became to me like I was living a prison sentence for life, I got out. When I chose to marry for the second time, I married someone who was not only my best friend but someone I could be totally intimate with in all ways (not just physical). Hell, do I get annoyed sometimes with what my spouse does? Yes, just as I'm sure I provide him with little annoyances. But I just swoon and say, "I love you!" (if not to him, at least to myself...to keep me centered lol) Hey, living with any human being is not always a bowl of cherries!! Ya just got to make sure you surround yourself with the only the best lol

Sorry, gotta run again!

I'm not trying to convince you of anything, just maybe clarifying.

I have always said that marriage is a sham, what do you get out of it that you don't with just living with someone? Does a piece of paper validate a persons love? I don't thinks so.

reply to post by DeadFlagBlues

The current trend in marriage proves that it's a dated institution.

I would have to ask if it is the instituion that is dated, or is it in fact this peoples inability to take responsibilty for the decisions we make that has given it the appearence of being so? Far to few people actually, think about what it is they are doing when they get married even fewer still enter one with the thought that it is for life, then when they start feeling unhappy instead of actually looking for ways to get things back on track just duck out because it is easier. The problem we have today is we live in a society where everyone wants instant gratification and everything is disposeable. And until we figure out that when the yard is brown and dying its time to start doing the yard work, instead of buying the one next door it wont get any better.

reply to post by Jovi1


Agreed, Jovi. I think personal responsibility has a lot to do with every aspect in life. I definitely feel if you commit yourself to anything, you need to maintain your integrity as much as possible. And marriage being dated is totally my opinion, not a social fact or anything.

Maybe I should rename it "Responsibility for ones own actions seems to be dated." That would suit the world population a little more...

i would ask a counter-question: why does every culture on earth, throughout history, have some sort of marriage institution. Even with polygamy or polyandry, there's still rules of what is acceptable and what is not.

Why is it one of the cultural universals. Most other cultures don't have the divorce rates that the west does . . . So is that a reflection on them, because they accept a dated institution?

Or does it suggest that our own culture is in an advanced state of decay, where "personal livestyle choice" encourages people to put their whims and passing fancies above the rules that used to hold society together?

reply to post by dr_strangecraft


Seems Europe is having a similar problem.

Your point still holds true, though. The decay of our own society probably contributes to the divorce rate and vice versa. A sad perpetual cycle. And even though some forms of "marriage" are found all over the world, they drastically differ from region, culture, and religion. I think it's an evolutionary staple, as far as, "being together as a family." We can see similar structures in lion prides and gorilla troops.

[edit on 3-11-2007 by DeadFlagBlues]

Originally posted by DeadFlagBlues
What is everybody's infatuation with falling and being in "love?" I understand the principle perfectly, but why is it pounded into everyone's psyche that you must be "in love" and to "love?"

oh I think it comes from fairytales.

Once upon a time there was a princess and then there was a wicked stepmother and then the prince saved her from the wicked stepmother and they lived happily ever after.

Same for marriage. I don't understand the kind of pressure put on everybody to have a monogamous relationship, especially one "for life." The current trend in marriage proves that it's a dated institution.

I really lmao with the Simpsons. Bart grew up and was going to get married and the girl says "oh I am not sure Bart, the two year contract is an awful long time!!"

reply to post by DeadFlagBlues


1. Yes, you very much are a prick. That's probably why you and I get along so well.

2. The big deal about real love is that it is totally unavoidable. Once you actually DO fall in love for real, you can do nothing about it. The only thing that will change love is time and even that doesn't always work.

3. The beauties of a monogamous relationship are plenty. For once, if people were more monogamous, STD's wouldn't be the problem they are today. Also, there is NOTHING in this world better than forming a bond between 2 people as strong as true love monogamy is almost a requirement if you ever wish to actually have that bond.



Love isn't for everyone. But, you don't know what you are missing if you have never truly experienced it.

Love is, in and of itself, the best, worst, easiest and hardest thing you will ever experience. It's easy as hell to be a whore who relationship jumps every few weeks but it's HARD to TRULY love someone.

There is absolutely nothing that can take you higher or lower than love can. It's the best drug in the world.


Jasn

reply to post by Jovi1


I couldn't have said it better myself.


Jasn

reply to post by SimiusDei


Impressive.

reply to post by DeadFlagBlues


Just for the record; When I call someone a prick, it's a compliment. hahahahaha


J

reply to post by SimiusDei


I wouldn't have cared one way or another. I'm a big boy.



And serious or not, that's always a compliment.