Am I crazy?

I've been having this thought in my head for a while now. Almost everybody around me tells me that I'm right, but I can't always trust those who love me .

Here's the thing: I've never been in a relationship with noone, mainly because I come out of the closet more than a year ago, and my life before that was loveless because I wanted it that way. I'm working on a gay bar for a year now, but I haven't been with anyone in a sexual way (just a couple of kisses) because I found them all very... direct in their approach.

A couple of months ago this guy came along and started working there. I really liked him at first, not just physically but I thought that this was a very serious guy and really down to earth. Apparently I liked him too. Anyway, after many nights he asked me if I wanted to go have breakfast when we leave work. We went to a coffee and started talking. We talked almost for 2 hours, and while it was ok, we never stepped any personal ground, we just talked about work.

Then he asked me to go for a walk, and we went. Not 10 minutes later, we were talking and out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go to an hotel. It was like this huge bomb dropping, I never saw it coming. First of all, because the night before he told a friend of mine that I liked him and that he wanted to take things slowly. Then because in any moment the guy showed any sign of "I like you", he didn't even kissed me, not even grab my hand. Nothing!

Anyway, I said no, he said "k" and I went home and we never talked about that again.

Two of my gay friends told me that I should of said yes. Many of my straight friends told me that I did good by saying no. I have no idea what to believe. Am I too old-fashioned? I mean, is not like I'm saying "no sex until marriage!", is just that for me sex is the most intimate act, and I'm a very closed person. So is not like a just want to go ahead and sleep with every guy I run into. On the other hand, anyone can pull the "you think that way because you're a virgin" card on me, because many did, and I don't know how right they are. So I need some feedback on this.

BTW, want to hear something funny? I payed for the breakfast HE invited me to! So it wasn't my greatest day of my life, lol.

Well, i suggest just telling the other person what you told us here.

That you have never realy had any other realations, and you want to take it slow, nothing against them, just that you want to take it slow.

Do you two still work together? And haven't talked in months, then it might be too late... but give it a chance, and just talk and be honest.

Good Luck.

Thanks for replying. The main problem is that this has been such a major turnoff that I'm not very interested in him anymore. And for the record, is not like we never talked again, we just never talked about that incident again .

What I wanted to know is if you think that his modus operandi was normal and if I'm just blowing out of proportion the whole situation. In a simple question, am I crazy or the world is?

I think if he was looking for a relationship, he would have waited. I'm not in anyway familiar with gay relationships though. Perhaps another member that would feel comfortable talking about it could post here and tell you what they think.

Gay or not, it's all standard relationship courtship communication. Everything begins with bodylanguage. You say you haven't been in very many relationships, so my guess is that your bodylanguage skills could be improved.

Know with that said, I sure the other guy was more than likely just totaly different type of person than you and alot less conservative. With you're new bodylanguage skills he wouldn't of even asked you because he would of been very clear on your motives!

Good Luck!

Dude I'll be honest, Not really my area of expertise but I would also say that he probably wasn't looking for a relationship. Your lack of experience wouldn't really have much impact on your body language but will effect you until you figure out other gay males body language. But do by all means take your time and wait, no real reason to hurry at all. i am sure some dude will eventually consider himself lucky to find someone who respects themselves that much. But also you are gonna have to learn to not a mans agressivness bother quite so much, when it comes ot sex that is generally how we are.

Very well said and good points!

reply to post by Jovi1


Thanks for your answer. I guess you're right.

reply to post by Radiobuzz


I say you did the right thing. I myself find sex as something sacred, even though well.. i'm not really active in any religion. It just seems that it should be something done with someone you have feelings for, not just any old person out of the blue. My thoughts on that anyways.

It was like this huge bomb dropping, I never saw it coming

i bet you didnt matey =P only joking

you seem to have that same thinking of alot of girls ( i know youre a guy lol) alot of girls wont just hop into bed with the first guy they met.
but yea, get to it mate
i have quite alot of gay friends most of them are #ign amazing, my sisters a lesbian, so when im with her and go out clubbin always end up in a gay club called "fusion" lol

you'll find someone sometime mate and when that connection happens you'll feel ontop of the world, good luck to you mate =)

No, you're not crazy. Some people treat sex like it's no big deal, but it is, and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I'm straight so I could be wrong about this, but it seems like casual sex is almost more expected in the gay community, too, so you should be proud of yourself. I could be wrong about that though, and I mean no offense.

Hi Radiobuzz!

Wow, I've been in that situation quite a few times as well, and there's a bottom line to this that goes beyond anything else. Sometimes it happens the way it happened, sometimes it doesn't and things go a step further. However, it is obvious that your "gut feeling" was saying no, and that imo is the best advice to take. It sucks when guys do that, I know, but it seems the way a lot of it goes at times.

So you said that you all never talked about it again, does that mean you never really spoke in an outside of work fashion, or just not the subject of being invited back to a hotel? We're all human, and I am not going to say the guy was bad necessarily, but it could very well be that he missed out on a good chance to meet a great guy simply because he wanted to rush things far too quickly for you!

On the other hand, he could have esteem issues, and that's why he would feel like he had to get right down to it so quickly. He may even have thought that was the only way to get you to like him, that isn't your issue though, it's his.

Did you tell him how you feel, and are you still interested? The first impression may not have gone so well, but that doesn't nullify the potential that could be there. I don't know how things get around in Argentina, but I know here, it would be pretty easy to find out if this is how the guy typically acts on the first date. If you are interested, I would say go have coffee again, and talk to him about it. It may seem uncomfortable, but if you can't talk about things at the beginning, chances are you won't be able to talk about things in a relationship with him either.

Best of luck to you, I hope things go well either way, just thought I would give you a "closer to home" perspective.

You are not crazy OP. You just don't care to be one of those that sleep around. Which is very respectable. Gratz to you for not accepting the invitation right off. You should never accept an offer like that if it just came out of the blue. You knew nothing of the guy and no idea if he had any past history of any kind of illnesses. Before I screw a woman, i always make sure i know their past and know something about them.