I should have been born in the 20's/relationship rant.

I'm not sure where to start, so here I go...

What I want in a woman - Someone who is intelligent. Someone who is moral. Someone who can think for herself, but isn't self-righteous or pretentious. Someone whose idea of a good night isn't going to a party or a club, getting drunk, and grinding/making out with random guys. A girl who is modest about her good looks. Kind, supportive, lady-like... A girl with a sense of humor.

Why the Hell is it so hard for me a to find a girl I want to be in a relationship with? I'll be honest here. I'm 20 years old, good looking enough, in great shape, etc., but I've never even had a single serious girlfriend. Why? Is it my standards? Are the things that I listed above so hard to come by in a girl that I've never found a single one? And yes, I'm big on looks. I'm sorry, but I'm a male, and it's simply encoded into my DNA! If a girl has everything I'm looking for personality wise, but I don't find her sexually attractive, I cannot date her. It sounds cruel and conceited, and maybe it is, but that's just the way I am. Was I just born in the wrong generation? Do all good looking girls have to be either wild party girls or lacking in intelligence? What is going on here?

Furthermore; people, stop bugging me about not having a girlfriend! I'm not even sure that I want a girlfriend right now, but because of the norms society has placed upon us these days, I'm made to feel like a huge loser for not having a girlfriend. I'm sick of it! So I don't want to date somebody that I'm not seriously interested in. Shoot me. I don't feel that I need to be in a relationship to be happy. Is that so wrong? Does my family have to try to make me feel like a degenerate for not being involved in the dating scene? I have a pretty decent job, I'm healthy and in good shape, I get good grades, I have good friends, yet I'm supposed to feel somehow less successful for not having a girlfriend? I'm just sick of it is all...

I suppose that's it. I guess I just wanted to vent/share, and I figured that it was better suited for the relationship forum rather than the Rant forum.

Thanks for reading.

Thoughts? Feelings? Suggestions?

Don't give up. You will find her.

Don't let anyone tell you how or when to make romance a part of your life. Just be yourself and keep looking and eventually, naturally you will meet wonderful women who share your interests and passions in life.

I think it's great to have ideals and standards for who you want to love, remember the old saying who you date is who you fall in love with. So yeah its ok not to date anyone that you feel is way out of the ballpark, however I do think you should try on a few pairs of shoes before you decide which one fits you.

Good Luck !

PS- Yes there are plenty of gorgeous women who dont have to party/attention whore to feel good about themselves. Maybe your looking in the wrong places?

Dude, I can relate to every single part of your post.

I'm only one year younger than you and I hate it when people expect me to have a girlfriend. I'm like, "dude I'm only 19 why would I want a serious relationship now?"

I would also appreciate a woman with those traits you mentioned. If you find one like that you better not let her go cause a woman like that is hard to find in this day and age IMO.

Oh yeah, if I was you I wouldn't worry about finding someone to have a serious relationship with right now. Your way to young IMO. Just have fun with the women you're meeting, you know what I'm saying?


[edit on 28-10-2007 by thehumbleone]

Thanks for the advice, Ellipsis, and I'm glad to see that there are still some people out there to agree with me! I know it's stupid to let what they think get to me, but it does sometimes...ah well.

TheHumbleOne - It's good to know that there's someone else in my predicament. I don't even really date, though, and to me it sounds like you've at least got some of that going on haha.

I totaly know what you mean, There are many guys out there like us. We are bored of the Paris/Britny wantabes that just screw around, start making out with other girls at parties just to hear people cheer. Its sickening.

Im 21 years old, and i had all the random hook-ups that i need. Im done with that. I feel like a sore thumb, and cannot relate to the people around me here at my college.

Just last week i was at a party, it was a good time, aside from the 20 or so girls that i just found revolting, there was one that was nice, and we talked for about an hour, before the cops came and busted the party up, so were leaving, and i say, "hey, you mabye want to get some dinner or something one of these nights?' And i get back 'Nah, im not looking for a relationship, or dating or anything right now... but lets go back to your place...'

What are guys like us suppoesed to do, there must be some reasonably sane women left in our society, but where to find them, its not at the parties, and certaintly not at the CLubs, so where can we go... should we just start staking out the libaries... Where is a decent guy to go to find a decent girl these days... every girl just wants to screw around, and is looking for an Orgasm.

With all the girls i have 'been' with, i can't say that i have had a good relationship with any of them, just thrill seeking, always physical. I did this for 4 years, 4 years of just having physical relation with nothing emotional behind it, and im done with that, im tired of that, there is no need for me to do that kinda crap any longer.

I want to meet a woman that is intelligent, strong on morals, is capible of thinking on her own, and truely belives in what she belives in, but reasonable enough to adimt when they are wroung. Of course she has to be atractive to me, no one would want to be with someone that is unattractive to them, but all people are attracted to diffrent things.

well, i guess this is what we get, for being part of the MTV-generation...

dude, we've all been there.

i never was to have flings or even date much cause even in highschool and such, i could have pulled down ladies, i was popular enough, kinda of a tough guy but i was just not attracted to these girls.
were they 'hot'? sure....if you don't care about personality, shallowness, trust, etc..


i have always been a believer that a personality can make the most beautiful girl ugly as hell.
who needs that you know?

i have never been one to think that you NEED to be with someone.
i am 30 now and have been married for 4 years, together 5 and i have what you described. believe me, they do exist.
we are both the same age, both only with one person, both don't like to drink and have the same feelings about people.

we found each other when we were not looking.


if you are looking, imo, that is what you are doing wrong, and probably in the wrong places....are you trying to go hook up with someone, even for the long term? forget that man....thats gonna get you more of what you don't want.

you read? go to borders, grab a coffee and a book and pop down on their couch, read and chill. don't go to the friggin bar or club.

it's gonna happen for you when you are not ready, so, don't fret.
you're gonna be in the grocery store buying easy to make dinner for one and the lady behind you is gonna call you on it.

see what i am saying man?

also, you're ony 20 dude...and double also, for whoever is making you feel like a loser for not having a girl, you should tell them to take a walk....who needs that?

edit*
it's not all in 'the looks' man

you might be looking at 10's only but you're gonna be at the store and that 7.5 is gonna bump into you buying peanut butter and you're whole theory on looks in the dna is gonna be gone.

you'll see.

cause that 7.5 is gonna turn into an 11 as soon as she opens her mouth and you guys talk...



[edit on 29-10-2007 by Boondock78]

Originally posted by TKainZero

What are guys like us suppoesed to do, there must be some reasonably sane women left in our society, but where to find them, its not at the parties, and certaintly not at the CLubs, so where can we go... should we just start staking out the libaries...

well, if you must look, look at the places you want to go.
what do you expect at a party full of 21 year olds, bars, clubs..

like i said earlier, hit up borders or barnes and noble and crack a book and a coffee and hang.....you see some girl reaching for the book and all of a sudden "let me get that for you"
and blammo

hell yeah go to the library,...go get on their pc and jump on ats...ain't no single ladies walking around your house.

-----------

i usually don't like to talk about my wife and i but i think this is relavent cause she thought she ruined it by doing this and it sealed the deal for me.

we had been seeing each other for 4 days and we were making out and we were at THAT point...anyway, she told me to stop.
i stopped.
i instantly thought it was awesome.....
she was kinda not feeling right and the next day we talked and she said that she thought i was never going to call her again for doing 'that' to me.

i told her just the opposite. she told me to stop and right then and there i knew, this is my lady...
any 'other' girl would have kept on...i would have too..i was feeling it but had we done it that night, we would not be married today.

she said she thought i would think she is a tease and all that but what is showed me is that she is not like the rest and instead of just letting 'it' happen even though after almost getting there she changed her mind and told me....
it was GREAT...

we laid down in bed, talked, listened to some music and went to sleep in my small twin sized bed with no box spring.

she is not like 'all the other girls' and she says i am not like 'all the other guys'

works out great...she is my life

... but its so much easier when we are drunk.. err.. its easier to talk... err... i know...

The hardest part is starting the conversation... that i have never really been good at... unless were both drunk, then i can say no wroung... i know, i know, easy doesn't factor into adult life...

Up to this point, i had the game down, i knew how to read the signs, and which girls were intrested, and which weren't, i could figure out which one wanted to go, and who was just there for the beer.

I guess what im trying to say is that i am kinda scared of the transtion, its like moving from Checkers to 4 way- 3D chess... Its a totaly diffrent game...

What am i supposed to say, 'hey, i see your reading National Geographic, i like National Geographic too.' Yea, that will work... i know i have no choice but to just throw myself out there and see what happens, as the fishing saying goes, "you aint going to catch any fish without your line in the water.'

So alright, off to Boarders i go tommorow, into the vast unknown... but you have to admit, it was easier back in your day, you didn't have to compete with ipods... ... alright alright ill go this afternoon...

reply to post by Herman

I know exactly what your talking about. Today ladies have let themselves go. They are not lady like at all.

However, most of your nice young ladies you will find in a church. Their raised different. The ones who really believe in God are not going to be out partying, running around lose. They are more respectful of themselves. More respectful of you and others.




[edit on 29-10-2007 by Shar]

Wow, boondock, what a lucky guy you are! Sounds like you really found the right girl. The library...hm...I'll have to try it. I mean, I have seen some pretty cute girls in there, but I'm just so bad at approaching them haha. Like I said, I don't date unless it's someone I really want to date, and since that's never worked out...well you can imagine what my dating experience is like. I mean I've been on dates here and there, but those were few and far between, and didn't usually last long. I understand that you'll never catch any fish without your line out there, but dating girls that I'm just semi-interested in just seems like a waste of time to me.

Shar,

I don't know about going to church to look for girls. I don't go to church myself, so I think going to a church to hit on girls would be one of the most immoral things I could possibly do haha. I agree with you and everything, but I think it's different if you already go to church regularly...

Tkain,

I think you're in the same boat as me, but with significantly more random hookup experience. But hey, I'm sure you're at least better at approaching girls than I am.

Thanks for all the great advice, guys. I really appreciate it.

Originally posted by Herman
Like I said, I don't date unless it's someone I really want to date,

but dating girls that I'm just semi-interested in just seems like a waste of time to me.

why is it a waste of time? are you only semi interested in them cause of their looks? you want a tall dime and you have a semi tall 7?

you have to get over that dude.....

would you rather date some smoking hot skeezy bubblehead, or an attractive, smart lady?

know what i mean?

think if it like this.....

you meet a girl wherever and you are 'semi interested' in her....go for it..what else you gonna do?
when i say go for it i mean go on the date...

say you two go out to the deli or something(my wife and i would do that) and just hang out and talk for a couple hours on your date....
in that two hours, you might go from semi interested to god damn flat out nutso for her...

it's gonna happen for you when you are not looking for it....
you're gonna go do something simple like go to the bank and the lady in line next to you is going to say something and she is going to blow you away.

i unno man, of course looks are a part of it but imo, that is by far NOT the most important thing.
anyone, man or woman can be the most attractive person looks wise but as soon as they open their mouth they turn into the ugliest person around.

You may be missing out on someone very important to your life. Some churches have a lot of activities. Some have bowling night, and volleyball night. They have cookouts, and hay rides. A lot of the time the teens just get together and go out on Fridays and Saturdays just to have fun.

Not all churches are stuffy. Its a matter of finding the right one. Anyways just thought I would let you know. You don't Necessarily have to change your life just cause you go to church.

I understand the bookstore thing, the church thing etc, but I agree with the thought that you stay true to who you are. If you dont go to church, dont try to find someone there, if you dont frequent bookstores usually, dont go there either.

Whats your passion? What do you spend most of your time doing?

Find someone who shares that and see where it goes.

Your attractive and I bet a lot of woman wish you would approach them. Just be more confident ! Seriously its a big turn on when a man shows interest in you and confidence in himself. If they reject your advances, then hey it wasnt meant to be so no big loss =)

im 16 and have all the same criteria as you, and i found a chick like that surprisingly, never thought it would happen but you can find her.

Float.


Looking for "her" isn't important right now, and to me not at all. The more you give your preconceived ideas of how life should be, the faster things fall into place.

Originally posted by Ellipsis
I understand the bookstore thing, the church thing etc, but I agree with the thought that you stay true to who you are. If you dont go to church, dont try to find someone there, if you dont frequent bookstores usually, dont go there either.

Whats your passion? What do you spend most of your time doing?

Find someone who shares that and see where it goes.

Your attractive and I bet a lot of woman wish you would approach them. Just be more confident ! Seriously its a big turn on when a man shows interest in you and confidence in himself. If they reject your advances, then hey it wasnt meant to be so no big loss =)

Thanks, Ellipsis. I do have a lot of interests, but they're not necessarily things which I can find other people doing. I like playing guitar, riding dirtbikes, working out, etc., and then things like good discussions on politics, philosophy, religion, or other things of that nature. The very rare times I have found a girl that I think would be perfect for me, she's either taken or in a completely unavailable situation. It's not so much "finding someone," though, it's more of the things I mentioned in my original post.

Thanks again for your advice, guys.

I understand completely what you are saying. I'm 19 and used to always feel like I NEEDED a girlfriend. I wouldn't say no to one if she was my kinda lady, but for now, I love going out with my mates, having a laugh and if the situation arises, I'll go talk to women and see what happens from there. Usually, nothing happens, but in the long run my confidence is given a boost, I've had a good time and I may have made a new friend.

I've found that most, not all, of the good looking ladies out there, seem to think that their superior to EVERYBODY just because they look good. I wish they could see that their personalities stink like hell.

I believe that if I was to meet THE girl for me, it will happen naturally.