A Day In The Life Of An Airman ... 23 Years Later.

A Day In The Life Of An Airman ... 23 Years Later.

I returned to the diatetics office around 10:30, quarter of 11. Just another day. My patients had been well attended to, their dietary needs accomplished and or considered. As usual, gripes and moans from the kitchen staff regarding my "write ins". They'll get over it. If Mrs. Calder wants a cheeseburger and chocolate shake, then so be it ... make the damn thing. She's dying of liver failure, in the meantime. Perhaps she won't even have the opportunity to appreciate that which I promised her and she so vehemently requested.

Minutes pass before the Call. "I'm standing in the bathroom. My water's broke, and I'm dripping/bleeding. [frantic] What should I do?"

"Kris, Hold on. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Col. Kobernus, I have to leave. NOW! She's having our baby, Early."

Out the door. 70 miles an hour. 16 miles later, home.

"Kris, Kris ... where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom. We need to go to the hospital. What should I do?"

"Grab the roll of toilet paper, get in the car. We've got to get you there, NOW! I'm calling ahead, so they know that we're coming."

"Wilford Hall: My wife is in labor, her water has broken. She's just near the end of her second trimester. We'll be there shortly. We're coming in NOW!"

Kris is in the car. I'm driving like a maniac. We arrive at Wilford Hall. They're expecting us.

We're immediately taken to a "prep" room. Her condition and or situation is evaluated/given the proverbial once over.

THEY return... after a sono.

"Airman S., She's 6 months along and it's TWINS. We will induce labor, but there's nothing we can do at this point. They're too premature. Their lungs are not developed enough."

Panic. Frustration. Anger ... set in. This is the f-ing #1 USAF training hospital stateside. What do you mean? There's nothing you can do?"

Kris is wheeled out and less than an hour later ... I'm left holding two red-haired, blue-eyed "Barbie" dolls in my hands/arms.

Heartbeats apparent, respirations obvious ... YET there's nothing they can do?

The most painful [in hindsight] aspect being having to make the following "decisions" right then and there.

"Will you be naming them? Making arrangements for services? We have to know now."

Kris is still half out of it. I'm still in shock, overall. THEY are like business as usual.

Granted, I can't fault THEM for "dealing" with such in the manner that they did. I, too, often had to let one go when it was a given patient's time.

Aside from the fact that I held those two angels in my arms, their hearts visually beating and their chests rising and falling, with nary a thing that I could do to save them...

It just plain hurt, felt wrong, and that there WAS something THEY could have done. (?)

Up until said day/occurence, Kris had PERFECT OB/GYN reports. "You're doing fine, and everything is as it should be." THAT is up until her last appointment. There was mention of and damn near ridicule as to her having "gained" excessive weight with regards to Were she was in her pregnancy. No one ever considered the TWINS aspect, until...

A Day In The Life Of An Airman ... 23 Years Later.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YES. It bothers me till this day.

Having held them in my arms brings a tear to my eye each time I recall such ... near daily, if you will.



 

That hit me hard, like a fist in the guts.

23 years is an eyeblink.

wow...

i have no words to properly convey the compassion and emotions I feel as I read this. They say time heals all wounds, but I never completely bought into that theory.

23 years ago, there wasn't a program like this, but there are strangers out there who really care and can relate. I participate in that program and whenever I paint a box, I shed tears because I know what that box really signifies.

Gods intended blessing to you was so wonderful,
and as each day passed, you awaited while caring for others in the force.
But as you held these gifts from God in your arms, a bit to soon,
You then could see that Satan had interveined and changed your course.

Only one who has traveled a road identical to yours,
can understand the pain and anguish carried within your heart.
I too have had a loss of my child leaving me in dispair,
and I know that it can tear you completely apart.

I can feel by your words how hard it is for you to live your daily life,
with this weight still bearing on your soul all along.
And you can say to yourself that it's in the past,
But regardless your memories are there.....and they are very strong.

As you mourn for your babies and cry in the dark of the night,
know that Gods intent was to create life from the love you and Kris shared.
But with sorrow sometimes Gods one fallen angel wins the battle,
Leaving broken hearts behind, that may never be repaired.


God Bless You!

[edit on 6-10-2007 by believe1969]

There is no recovering from something like this.

wow man, that was powerful.

I have no words.

Spiderj

Never have I wanted so much to reach through the computer to embrace a friend... Never. I'm so sorry, I cannot say...

Dear Friend,

Thank you for sharing this. I'm speechless at the thought of your loss.

I watched my sister lose her 15 year old, and only, son in 1989. There is no loss greater, no wound deeper, no scar more enduring than the loss of a child.

I wish they could have - I wish they WOULD have - done more.

Love to you and your wife.

Jesus.....

Screw a one-liner, I have no
words.

Jesus...

There are no words for this that match the beauty of the sentiment and the tragedy of the reality...

Springer...

I am so sorry for your suffering my friend. I am always here if you need to vent. There is nothing I can say that will ease your burden, or convey how sad it makes me feel for your loss.

If only words could describe my thoughts at this point in time.

I've never hidden that I am can be quite the sensitive guy. Often with my girlfriend, I'm the one getting a little choked up. Reading this, I felt myself squirming back and forth as I felt the eyes welling up.

Just wow.

I seen this posted last night but didn't read it. Now I'm glad I didn't. I never would have slept and I'm not sure I will tonight. You never get over the loss. Time doesn't heal some wounds.

You brought back a memory of my daughters birth that I try to keep out of my head but now will be there for a while again. I have tears as big as golf balls running down my cheeks and am not ashamed to admit it. I've only shared that story with a handful of people. Not even her mother knows what happened because she was out of it. I've never told her.

Maybe I'll share it here some day. Maybe

[edit on 6-10-2007 by GAOTU789]

Sometimes, words cannot express adequately/

Here's a big ***HUG*** though, my friend.

Thank you for trusting us with the story of this life changing event.
I can see how this memory can only stay in the background for limited amounts of time. 23 years must still feel like yesterday, when it rushes to the forefront of your thoughts.

all my best buddy..