Story of a shy boy..

Hello everybody,

I just feel like telling a story, since I don't really talk about love with my friends. Let me start by saying that I live in the Netherlands and I'm 19 years old. My entire life I've been really shy, and that's one of the reasons why I never had a girlfriend. Normal friends (both male and female) haven't been a problem though, because when people get to know me they seem to find me a really nice guy. It's just that my self-confidence has never been high. That's also one of the reasons I played way to much videogames. (even played WoW eek! )
In the past few years I've had a few girls that I really liked and to 2 of those I've asked if they wanted to be my gf, but both said no.

That did it, and on 31 december 2006 I promised myself to change. It really worked out, payed more attention to my hair and clothes (didn't really care in my youth) and imo I really look better than in the past.
I stopped playing WoW... Also been on a youth vacation to Siofok, Hungary (nice lake!) and really enjoyed myself. In a few weeks I'll start a new job at a restaurant and I've begun a new study (Earth & Economics) 2 weeks ago. Already been away 4 days with classmates, which was really really fun. It pretty much involved walking through forests at night, drinking beer and making fun with eggs, milk, flower hehe, and jumping in a river after it.
Anyway, so my new life began like I promised myself. Barely had time to play videogames in the last 3 weeks, and to be honest I didn't really miss it.
A few weeks ago my sister (who is very popular with boys) even said I was starting to look very cool, and she expected me to have a gf soon )

So know the stuff why I posted it here. There is a girl who's doing the same study. She's the type of girl I like and I noticed she looks a lot at me (and me at her ) We didn't really talk much yet, but she keeps looking at me. Those 4 days we went away with my classmates it became even more clear.
One moment I stepped on the dancefloor and walked to a few friend and I saw her staring. Ofcourse, I'm to shy..even with 2 liters of beer inside of me. I hate myself, but can't help it The problem is that I'm sure she is also the shy type...

What to do? Had to many bad experiences and broken hearts with girls to take the first step. Bit scared to fall in love again...
Although I know I've became less shy in the last year and I improved myself.

Ooh well, I don't know if you guys have any advice but just had to tell my story.

dont worry man just ENJOY yourself.confidence comes when u enjoy urself and dont care.girls are natural at rejecting guis who confess to them so this dosnt have to bother you.
about hair and clothes,its great ive changed my style also and its really working out for me too^^,just better yourself,exersize,and be yourself,those girls are probably the type that date jerks who sleep with them and take the road,then they cry and find another jerk(they think theyr cool)
girls like confidence,and if u dont have confidence thats a big disadvantage,also make more eye contact,it arouses^^and dont worry you gonna find a nice girl^^

[edit on 19/9/07 by Unisol]

This one is pretty easy to field actually, You are gonna have to work through your shyness and sometimes that is the hardest part. You dont really need to ask her to be your girl right now, most of the time it has been my experience it just kind of happens on its own. If you like her talk to her hello my name is... is a good place to start. One of the biggest parts of attraction is confidence another is seeing to it she has fun around you, and well dont be so hung up on the whole dancing thing im not the greatest in the world at it myself and ill tell you a secret its ok to bad at it. It is more about having fun anyway. you have to understand if she is looking at you alot she is most likely interested. and learn to read body language being able to pick up on those subtle clues will help you alot.

Changing your appearance and habits for the better is a start but the most important change has to come from within. Girls like a guy who is confident, not arrogant and ego-centric, but someone who is open to new things and who's not afraid to act naturally and in the moment. Although some girls may like the "cocky" type they are only good for fooling around with, not for a relationship. All you have to do is realize and accept that your a normal guy who should not have any reason to be shy or afraid.

Once you get over that just take the pressure off yourself and start talking to girls normally, don’t expect too much and just go with it, if she likes you fine, if not move on, don't hang on any particular bad experience or girl. Now if you are really shy then start out slow, I would not recommend clinging on to one girl in particular and going for the GF bit right away. If you do so and are not ready it will likely affect your personality and again enforce whatever view you have that keeps your self confidence down. This become a bad cycle that will make you even more introverted if you keep doing the same thing. And never tell girls that you're shy, afraid, unsure etc... This may seem "cute" to some girls but relationships are not built on "cute" and they will likely not be interested in such a guy for long term.

I would recommend talking to as many girls as possible, remember whatever happens happens, just shrug it off. This not only increase your exposure to different personalities, circumstances etc... but it will also slowly built up your confidence. You might also learn what generally works and how to hold an interesting conversation. I would also go to a lot of social events where there are a lot of different unknown people around so you can have a lot of exposure and opportunity to "feel around".

Also, if you like a girl and think she likes you than act, do not simply hang around and let it drag itself out to the point of becoming "friends". Or that uncomfortable situation where you both know you like each other and she asks herself WTF is taking him so long? Once that happens you might feel the pressure and your shy nature will become more apparent and or she might lose interest altogether.

To sum it all up, unless you are sure you can act naturally and without unnecessary inhibition do not try to immediately get involved with this particular girl, i.e. girlfriend. Test the waters first, talk to her, go places together, with other people at first then if your comfortable just the two of you. Don't let her know right away that you are really interested and have bigger plans. After some time if you feel everything is good step up to the plate and ask her to be your GF. But again this process must not drag out for too long.

Just try and be yourself, cliché I know, but it can work. And always remember there is NO reason why you should be shy and afraid to talk to girls, your just a normal interesting guy who has something going for himself.

Just my 02...

[edit on 20-9-2007 by WestPoint23]

reply to post by DutchFree


There's nothing wrong with being shy initially, it's a virtue if anything. But goodness gracious man do you need a neon sign here? She keeps staring at you, she's obviously noticing you for some reason, so talk to her and find out what she's thinking.

It's possible she's glancing at you because she may be wondering who the weird guy is who keeps staring at her as if he's imagining her in a pot with chopped carrots and potatos, or... she just might be hoping you'll approach her to say hi. Only one way to find out, suck it up and initiate something.

reply to post by fweshcawfee


Well, at least I'm not crazy..quite normal to be honest so that's not it

But damn I was unlucky, there was a little party but it was kinda boring so a new friend of the study asked if I wanted to watch some soccer at his place. Just when we went outside that girl and a few friends of her entered. Couldn't suddenly walk back inside because I promised to watch the soccer game
Ooh well I enjoyed myself

Today I traveled back to home (1 hour) with a friend of her. Maybe it helps

Not gonna make myself mad about the whole situation though. I just wanna have fun with others and I'll strike if the right moment has come

Thanks for the reactions btw!

Well that was just bad timing and wont hurt you to much, when you are in a situation like that just smile at her and say hi, hopefully you did. but dont take to much time and you could have backed out your friend would have understood really he would men are good that way, but no use crying over spilled milk and such. good luck. Also since you are a shy guy your gonna have to be a bit more proactive than just waiting for the right time because your fear will hold you back.

Yeah okay, but didn't want to sound that desperate

to your friends you wouldnt look desperate and in the event you thought it looked that way just be clever and witty about it.

Brr, just came back from another field trip for 4 days with my study

Saw her looking at me plenty of times, and had plenty of opportunities to talk but didn't use them.. yeah, alright...she did help me out with winning in a stupid card game

Just a few hours ago I was standing at the tram station and 15 meters from the station she was walking past and we made eye contact and I waved. Dunno how long it took, but it felt like ages

I'm just a coward

Ooh some good news, talked with on of her roommates (from the trip) and she wanted a picture I made with my mobile. So I need to get her email. I just got the email of a second roommate of her for also sending a picture. So if everyone goes well I can contact the girl on msn

Extra note: she isn't extreme gorgeous or something, just my type. So that shouldn't be a problem...Ooh and she votes on the same political party as me (socialist) lol

ps: I became 20 today yay!
she kissed me...on the cheeks


[edit on 5-10-2007 by DutchFree]

Dude you don't have anything to be afraid of she is just a girl. If you can't go up and talk to her you don't really deserve to be with her. I'm sorry not trying to be mean or anything but please for your sake develop some self esteem. Best of luck and all and happy birthday :w: