What to do today.........

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'.............. Ahhhhh...... what a beautiful day. The sun is shinin', and like it's nice and warm with no humidity and stuff. So I says to myself, Self? What would you like to do today. Hmmmmmmmmm.............. It's a perfect day to get some work done around the yard and stuff. Yep, my wife keeps tellin' me to mow the grass and stuff. But I like that grass above my knees. It looks so wildernessy and stuff. Hmmmmmm......... She also wants me to clean the pool....... Hmmmmmm........... But I always wanted a nice fancy pond in the back yard and stuff. Like those snooty rich people have, and put those really cool gigantic goldfish in. Those fancy cool ponds are so expensive! Wait! If I let just a little more algae grow in that pool, I'll have a fancy pond for free! My wife thinks she's so smart. You gotta get up pretty early in the mornin' to do better thinkin' than me!
Hmmmm......... what to do......
I think I'm gonna go grab a nice cold beer and lay in my hammock. So I call my dog Yabaastad. "Hey come here Yabaastad!"
So suddenly I see Yabaastads head poke up out of the grass. I can only see his ears as he's comin' towards me. It looks like two sharks dorsal fins. Yep, I like the grass like this! So I grab a nice cold beer. Hmmmm.... maybe I should take a couple, just in case. "Cmon Yabaastad, let's go to the hammock."
So I open a nice cold beer and take a nice big sip. Ahhhhhh...........So refreshin'.......... I go out to my hammock but wait! There's bird poop all over my hammock! Those stupid birds! I bet it's that bluejay. I never trusted that bluejay. That bluejays always givin' me dirty looks and stuff, and he's always squawkin' really loud. And like that bluejay will dive bomb me and stuff. I hate that bluejay. I know he purposely pooped on my hammock. He was probably laughin' while he was doin' it and stuff. Oh I'm gonna get that bluejay! Yep that bluejay is the reason why god invented BB guns...............
I gotta do some thinkin' about how to get that bluejay................

I'd go for the beer in the hammock idea. As for the lawn- get a goat.