I'm Not Strong Anymore

I'm not strong anymore. I'm weak and that saddens me. I've always been health conscious. I never took medication, not even asprin for a head ache! I don't smoke ciggies only, marijuana here and there. That's the only harmful thing that I've allowed myself to do.

I got arrested and trapped into an armed robbery charge, because I could not afford to deffend myself. In a career of multimillion dollar estate remodeling management you need a very clean criminal record. My charge destroyed my career and noone whats to hire me. The only good part is that I took a deal of one year jail and five years probation. After the probation I will be able to remove the charge and strike against me.

I'm struggling so badly that I've regressed into mass depression. I've been percribed a stimulant called Wellbutrin. It doesn't help. What would help would be a job and getting back to a career that was skyrocketing. It doesn't look like that is going to happen. The upsetting thing is that I met someone who showed me that if you crush the meds into fine powder and snort it, it will get you so happy it will make you feel high. I'm know addicted to doing this. I don't jones when I don't have it, but when I do have it I can refrain from doing it.

This is so upsetting because I've always been strongly against snorting or doing drugs. Tears run down my eyes as I write this down.

So many say that there are programs out there that can help you out. The reality is that if you don't have the money you don't qualify for anything. Sure there are programs for very poor people, but the waiting list is soo long that you actually never get in.

They tell everyone that there are resources to make the system look good, but the system seriously fails for the poor.

I'm so upset because I'm not strong anymore. I'm weak. I have to through my medication away to I don't snort it. As soon as I get my new percription I'm back to snorting it.

My life was going so great in management in 1998 then everything took a nose dive drasticaly and I haven't recovered scence.

I have one more year for my probation to be over and I just pray that when I get this bogus armed robbery for stealing a newspaper charge taken off that people will go back to hiring me.

It is so upsetting, because I left my past behind me and was doing well. I never made alot of money, but I was given anything I wanted as a bonus.

Now I have nothing but time to sit and do nothing. The only thing I can afford to do is drive a few blocks to the library and use the internet. Educating myself is getting old also.

I'm so drepressed it hurts.

While I have had no experience in such things I wanted to let you know that someone is worried about you and is here for you.
Depression is no joke (I still struggle with it but have never taken anything medicinal for it) and I can only advise you to try stop refilling that prescription! If you don't get it you can't take those meds, in any way, to hurt you further, right ? Please try your hardest, I know you can do it

We struggle to be strong sometimes, but you still have it in you, it didn't go anywhere. YOU are in control here k ? Don't forget that. You're life can, and will, be great again!

I wish you all the best with this and sincerely hope you feel better about yourself asap MrM, you seem like such a sweet and wonderful guy and it saddens me to hear you're feeling this way.
Feel free to holler my way if you need to talk or vent or anything.

Bless.


[edit on 11-5-2007 by ImJaded]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. As someone else who is very down right now and sees no "up" I really feel for you.

I did a little poking around online and found some programs that help felons get work. It might not be in your particular field, but it will give you something to do, and help you feel better about yourself. It should also give you some proof that you can work without ripping off an employer.

www.answerbag.com...


I hear Wal-Mart and Home Depot will hire you regardless.

Also your local Department of Corrections or Parole Office may have resources.

I can relate. When I was sixteen I went to jail over a petty mistake, not a felony, which is what I got. Did 2 months. The only reason I got out is because I got lucky with a judge, no one defended me well. The Judge ran the whole deal, not my attorney. Luckily I got a good judge, who let me out. But I was on house arrest for 3 months. And on probation for 2 years. Their original intention was to lock me up for 3 years, which means that I would still be in jail right now. All this for what? Having a couple of bottles of gasoline ( I was young, bored and jsut filling bottles up, not meaning anyone harm) and that's what happened. I got off probation a little less then a month ago. I still can't get a security job because my record hasn't been sealed. They said it should be, but its been almost a whole month. And I need a job, BAD.

So, I understand what you are going through, I'm feeling for you, friend.

The most important thing is think positive. You are innocent. You have been unjustly treated. Keep that in mind, it will help you. Do whatever you can, and remember, stay off drugs, alcohol ( don't drink too much, as much as you feel like it) and don't even use meds, the only thing that can make you happy is yourself, time to act.

Good luck man

Yes, friends are here

Sorry to hear about your woes. Don't forget, life IS a rollercoaster, and the further down you trundle, the more momentum you can pick up. Be patient and try not to forget that everything goes through natural cycles and follows natural waves.

Life would be boring and stagnant if it were a straight line!

It was only after divng to the bottom of the dark and terrible abyss of my life that I was able to return and fly, higher than I ever thought possible, seeing further than ever! From dark to light.....ying-yang, up-down, good-bad. You can't have one without the other.

Take the things that you have written about here :

You realise your weaknesses, you don't smoke ciggies and understand the pleasures of a joint, you haven't relied on medication throughout your life and know your prescribed drugs aren't working and want to stop them, you understand why you got into trouble with the law and were smart enough to take a deal to ease your sentance, you are willing to get back to work and are seeking aid to help, etc, etc.

These are all positive things.

You are smart to see and know these things, strong to talk about them in this thread, and have only one direction to go from here.

The outward flow of energy and sadness that is depressing you will not last forever. Have patience and strength, and soon you will level out and begin the climb.

I wish you all the best....