The Perfect Solution!!!!!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'..........
There seems to be an awful lot problems in the world today. All those countries all seem to be pissed at everybody else and stuff. I bet alot of those countries don't even remember why they got pissed in the first place. They've just been pissed for so long that they stay pissed.
So I says to myself, Self? What is the perfect solution for this problem?
Hmmmmm.......... The perfect solution, the perfect solution..........
C'mon brain, I need you to do some double super thinkin' here.......

Call 1-800-FLOWERS and send a really cool bouquet and a fancy box of chocolates to Osama, and sign the card "With Warmest Regards My Friend, George W."? I bet those flowers would die, and the chocolates would be all melted and stuff by the time they got to his cave. Then Osama would really be pissed! Nope not perfect.

Tell all those terrorists that if they stopped terrorizin' and stuff, and were on their best behavior, that they would get not just 72, but 100 Virgins when they went to Allah? I bet those terrorists would be so nice to everybody! Yeah but then Christians, and Jews, and Hindus would all get pissed and stuff. Nope not perfect.

Pull out all of the troops from all over the world and bring them back to America. Then like a true American threaten to Nuke everybody else? Then all of those countries would get pissed at America. Wait a second, I think they already are all pissed at the USA. Oh well still not perfect......

Hmmmmmm.......... What is the perfect solution, the perfect solution........
C'mon brain, you better start doin' some thinkin' here or I'm gonna stare into a flashlight and give you a sunburn.

The perfect solution.......

Wait! I got it. The perfect solution is to send every world leader a special telegram. It would say "You're a winner! Just show up at this address Saturday night at 7:00 to claim your prize!" And like you would include a couple of airline tickets and stuff. Oh man this is brilliant!
Then like all the world leaders come to the same place. Like it will be all dark inside and stuff so they can't tell who everyone else is. Then when everybody is there bring the lights up, and they see they're in a nudie bar! And make sure that there's a big sign on the wall that says there's a 6 drink minimum! Oh man this is so good! Yeah and have like a couple of really big and scary bouncers standin' under that sign. By the time everybody is on their 4th and fifth drink, and there's like lap dances and stuff, everybody will be in such a good mood! By the time they're on their 6th drink, you'll hear alot of "You're such a good guy." and "You're my best friend." and that kind of stuff.
Wait!!! Oh brain, this is such good thinkin'..... Make sure you video tape everything. That way when everyone goes home, you tell them that if they aren't really nice all the time that you'll show their wives the video tape! Oh man that is the perfect solution!

This thinkin' is even better than my early days thinkin' on the WMD problem:

www.belowtopsecret.com...

Brain, I bet they're gonna put you in the Smithsonian some day!

[edit on 20-4-2007 by lombozo]