Passive Agressiveness

Originally posted by jensouth31
I when I'm pushed to the brink...I explode, and explode big! It takes forever to get me to the boiling point though...

That's the problem with being passive. Sometimes that explosion is over a rather minute issue.

cool guys, it looks we all have something in common

most of the posters in this thread hate confrontations but when they're pushed to far they snap

well everything is balanced for the most part right? i guesss it makes sence.. balance and all

my ex broke up with me because she said i was to passive(well actually thats only one of the reasons)

she would get frustrated when i wouldnt argue back with her!

My husband has a very, very short fuse, and he blows all the time. He said it makes him feel better, and he gets crap off his chest and then forgets about it. It makes him feel better? It has a different effect on me, it makes me

Maybe that's why I'm so passive?

[edit on 4/18/2007 by jensouth31]

Originally posted by biotic
Who feels that they are passive agressive?

I'm not. But through the years I have ran into one or two people on this site who DEFINATELY were certifiable P/A. When they start posting, you can't miss it. P/A disorder is very easy to recognize.

flyers fan how can you tell is someone is passive agressive by there posts? i dont think its apparent in my posting but i could be wrong, who knows.. maybe i just dont post enough

Originally posted by biotic
my ex broke up with me because she said i was to passive(well actually thats only one of the reasons)

she would get frustrated when i wouldnt argue back with her!

I am assuming that your ex is female. It seems to me that most females like aggressive guys because they take passiveness as a sign of insecurity, and most women do not like insecurity in a man. I suppose they figure they have to deal with their own insecurity enough without having to deal with a man's.

Dude, you aren't passive-aggressive for not wanting to have a confrontation.

My ex. HE is passive aggressive. He's the kind of guy who hides your disabled placard or your keys just to have the pleasure of watching you go nuts trying to find them because you know right where you left them.

For a certain type of person assertiveness is very difficult. I'm one of those people. I've been working on it all my life. For me it was a matter of self-esteem and not thinking I was good enough to have an alternate opinion. Or that I had the right to say what was bothering me in a situation. So I kept everything in instead, which is not healthy and led to some very self-destructive behaviors.

There is a way to discuss an issue you might have with someone without being confrontational. It takes work and practice, but it's do-able. It gets easier over time, the more you practice it, the easier it is.

It takes diplomacy, that's all. Being able to say, "hey, i have this problem and I would like to address it. Could we discuss it please?" And then continuing on from there. It takes using "I" statements. "I feel that you are ignoring me," rather than "You're always ignoring me."

Sometimes I can feel a panic attack starting when I assert myself it's that ingrained in me to be submissive. But I'm working on it. You can too.

Seriously, though, passive aggressive you are not. Unless there's something you're not telling us.

ive learned from this thread i might not be passive agressive, just something else .. i dont know i was confused when i started this topic, ive kind of figured a few things out since then.

im working on confronting people on important issues that really effect me and it seems to be working, its making me happier, its making life easier

majormalfunction, i appreciate the extensive replies.. they help more then you can imagine..

speaker, your words are always encouraging as well.. befriend me?

thanks a lot guys, this thread, and the responces helped me straighten things out.. like today i asked my boss for my over time money, haha, ive never done that before.. usually i just wait for him to give it to me, so i guess im workin at breaking whatever it is that is keeping me from confrontations

thanks again guys

Hi Bio, you pose simple and very humane questions. I like that.

Nothing wrong with being passive, not good to get aggressive. Waste of energy.

I used to be as shy as anything for many years but eventially learned (like most peeps) the hard and long way. I took control of me!

Not arguing with someone can really get to them because you are witholding a vital energy source they need but cannot generate themselves. Not your problem. It is a sign of your strength. Calmness and focus is your control over yourself.
Also, for me, it is a good way of finding out who my friends really are!

R.E. your boss: ask him if he will be able to pay you on time a few days ahead. This way, he will have to think about it for a while before deciding not to hand over the dosh! The ball is in his court for a while which may prompt a little more consideration towards you. Maybe new to him! And if he asks "why", just say "cos it's payday". Respect earns respect.

If all else fails tell him about your new friend...."russian soldier"

And regarding your nicked "IPOD" (I presume), just another way of finding out who you friends really are. Their weakness is your strength, and not worth fighting over a piece of plastic.

What comes around, goes around. You seem much more sorted than I think you realise and I for one think the fact you talk about these things here with rational and open comments is proving that.

I could go on for ever but I'm sure we will chat in future posts.

See ya bio...............

Originally posted by nerbot
Hi Bio, you pose simple and very humane questions. I like that.

Nothing wrong with being passive, not good to get aggressive. Waste of energy.

Agreed.

Not arguing with someone can really get to them because you are witholding a vital energy source they need but cannot generate themselves. Not your problem. It is a sign of your strength. Calmness and focus is your control over yourself.
Also, for me, it is a good way of finding out who my friends really are!

i strongly agree with this statement as well! i dont think ive argued with one of my good friends since... forever, whats there to argue about if theyre truly your friends.. i mean petty arguments are one thing, like joking around, but full fledge arguements.. nope just dosnt happen (well maybe after a couple of drinks:w

R.E. your boss: ask him if he will be able to pay you on time a few days ahead. This way, he will have to think about it for a while before deciding not to hand over the dosh! The ball is in his court for a while which may prompt a little more consideration towards you. Maybe new to him! And if he asks "why", just say "cos it's payday". Respect earns respect.

yea this problem has been worked out since i got on pay roll, im not getting payed cash under the table anymore my money is directly wired to my bank account so i dont run into this problem anymore.. but when my boss owes me over time money he pays me in cash and i had no problem asking him for it on monday morning

If all else fails tell him about your new friend...."russian soldier"

hahaha... yea seriously...

And regarding your nicked "IPOD" (I presume), just another way of finding out who you friends really are. Their weakness is your strength, and not worth fighting over a piece of plastic.

True, but do i really feel like bashing in the face of whoever took it... i mean i wouldnt.. i even if i found out.. but id really like to, you know what i mean?

What comes around, goes around. You seem much more sorted than I think you realise and I for one think the fact you talk about these things here with rational and open comments is proving that.

Point taken, thanks a lot nerbot you always hit it right on the head with your posts, they are not taken lightly.. much appreciated.
I could go on for ever but I'm sure we will chat in future posts.

See ya bio...............

cheers bredren

[edit on 8-5-2007 by biotic]

Am I too late ?

I also disagree with you labeling yourself as passive aggressive biotic, and it's good to see you realizing this for yourself. I know what you are ... a genuinely lovely guy Really.
And I know how one can stop and wonder if perhaps something is wrong with themselves when their general attitude is nice, even to those who do us harm - considering what is considered 'normal' these days right ? It scares me sometimes.

I am the same way you describe yourself and I often battle myself about why I am this way because I never used to be. I was the bully's bully all the way from pre-school up until my senior year in high school - a real tomboy until I was about 19. Always trying to protect people, even strangers, and always trying to make people see when they were doing wrong to another person.
I was actually given my first online nickname years ago, when I was 18 and it was 'MissBossLady' It makes me laugh to sit back now and realize that yeah, I was rather headstrong and bold. But I am no longer that way at all.

I don't ever yell or disrespect anybody and I expect the same in return - I just can't understand why people can't treat each other in a nice manner with respect. You know ?

*sigh*

The likes of you, I and our friends here are a dying breed hun, don't ever change ... just don't ever let anybody disrespect you (or I'll have to swing by, pick up RS and come on down to handle up too lol)

no one is ever to late to give advice jaded

thanks for the responce