Online relationships...

Apereantly millions of people world wide use the internet as a relationship tool... have you ever had a relationship online? Do you know anyone who had one and one that worked?

So im told 80% of online relationships are faliures..... comments?

[edit on 15-4-2007 by misterfantastic]

My mom got married 18 months ago to a very nice man she met online. It was her third time at the altar but she has been much more happy than her previous marriages.The dated for 2-3 years before tying the knot.

I would say 80% is actually a very good percentage. Most people date around alot.

I honestly question why people would turn to such an impersonal medium as the internet to find a mate. Not only is the chance for deception higher but nuances of body language, tone of voice, etc are lost when your primary methods of contact are IM or Email.

Closest I've had to a relationship that had anything to do with the internet was a semi-pseudo-stalker-chick I met over IRC, however thankfully that is behind me now.

I met my husband online. It still strikes me as weird to say but it happened and it can to anyone. I had my share of stalkers and admirers on the net but have only ever once started to like someone online and that was a disaster so I kept every interaction strictly business after that, for years and years, until I met the man who would become my husband.

I have never percieved the internet to be any kind of dating tool per se but I just happened to strike up a friendship with this wonderful man, ended up meeting purely by coincidence/fate (it was not planned) and we travelled the many miles between the US and Australia to see each other for over a year and then he popped the question! I said yes and here we are almost 3 years later happily married

In regard to what Helig mentioned re: the personal aspect of meeting a potential partner I actually found it was a good way to interact with a man without the physical aspect coming into play. Without being oogled at and made to feel like a piece of meat as I do whenever men usually step to me if they're interested. I was single for 6 years before becoming engaged to my husband and that was mainly due to how I was treated by men on a face-to-face basis upon initial contact.
I just couldn't stand the thought that men were interested in me based purely on the way I look and it put me off many potential relationships and a helluvalotta men lol

By meeting my husband the way I did, we got to know alot more about eah other in a week than most do in 6 months and I knew he was attracted to me not just by my physical but also by my brain. And my brain is sexeh I've just always wanted to be with someone who notices that and not just how good I look in jeans, you know ?



[edit on 21-4-2007 by ImJaded]

Internet dating may have a safer feel, yet there is many many downsides. You cant get the same contact and communication that you can in real life. Deception is also a big deal. Many pretend to be something totally different then what they are. Its ok for a base to start meeting people and possibly dating, yet I dont think the chances are great if you want an entire relationship based on the internet. Many problems seem to come up without the proper needs being met.

Just my 2 cents.

Deception is part of any relationship, whether on the internet or in real life.

I was married to a guy for ten years before I found out that every single word out of his mouth was a lie, and that he'd married me just to get a green card and for children.

and I didn't meet him over the internet, I met him in Leicester.

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
I met him in Leicester.

Heh, I used to live in Leicester.....Massachusetts though....



My mother and step father met online. There are a lot of things that you can find out online in a shorter amount of time than IRL. It has it's pluses and minuses. People who would obviously never date or give each other the time of day if they met in person, chat and carry on amazing conversations and get to know each other in a different way than some of the more conventional methods. I personally think it's kinda neat!

My husband and I met in a chatroom on AOL long time ago. We struck up a friendship and after a few months talked on the phone. After about a year we finally met up. I was 18 and he was 17. I took Mom with me to meet him in another state and he brought along his folks (never can be too safe).

Anyway, we dated for about 5 years and have now been married for 5 years. Makes us being together for a total of 10 years. We have two beautiful kids, that we waited to have until after we were married and everything is great.

I know it doesn't happen quite so well for a lot of folks, but I attribute a lot of our success to the fact that we did not go looking for love per se.

My sister on the other hand goes online looking for love and it never works out quite so well for her.

I think all online realtionships are worthless and a waist of time. The odds of meeting are slim and it's highly likely that the person is not beging honest with you.

Online relationships have there pluses and minuses.. I think it's a great place to meet people and get to know them. You are forced to converse since there is nothing to distract you and nothing to keep you from doing anything but talking. You learn if you share beliefs, and are generally compatible.

The bad thing, I've found with online relationships is... no contact and no tone. Especially if your gramaticly challenged (such as my self) and have issues communicating exactly what your trying to say in speech. Most people read tones in the mood they feel at the time. If your upset, and talking to a person online, the way the words read in your head are upset as well, which offends you and makes you act out. If your happy and in a good mood then what they say doesn't hold nearly as much impact... cause your not reading it in a negative way.

I think a relationship should start online, move to phone, then meeting. I think if you can get to that point... then it is no different than any other relationship. I don't think you should skip the phone part at all... voice is very important to understanding a person's personality.

Just my 2 pennies.

Better as a matter of accident, imho.

Ofcourse you can fall into the trap of not knowing somebody's past or baggage. They can hide anything they like. Your impressions are for the most part dictated entirely by them.

Leads to untruthful situations.. :shk:

I disagree that, is an online problem though... SteveR.

In Real Life, all you have to base someone on is what they tell you, and they can tell you anything to your face. That's a problem with begining relationships in the first place.

Everyone has emotional baggage, either given by a parent, and ex, or... just normal insecurities. The true tell of a last relationship is getting past the emotional baggage by helping them realize that though others have done whatever they did.. that you wouldn't do that.

Nah, seriously. Real life it is very difficult to conceal something. For one, your not hiding behind a screen and a keyboard.

I know from experience people take full advantage of this. Just look at the posturing on ATS for one.

Well, we will have to agree to disagree... cause i have had extensive real life experience and found that people can hide convincingly serious details about their lives in just about any medium. The screen and keyboard aren't really needed to hide things, and everyone pretends to be something they aren't. Go to the local bar... then you will understand

Originally posted by JessicaS
Go to the local bar... then you will understand

No idea what that comment is supposed to mean. As a matter of fact I've had relationships both online and offline. And I've given my opinion on which are far more trustworthy.

I didn't mean anything offensive my that comment, only that in real life everyone are players on stage. Finding the true person is just as hard in real life as it in online.

And yes, and as i said we will have to agree to disagree. :-D



[edit on 13-5-2007 by JessicaS]

I know I was in a rather serious online relationhip for a while, and that didn't end well. I'll say, I didn't go looking for an online relationship, it just kinda happened. I was also in over my head, and knew in my head from the beginning that it couldn't last. But the voice of love speaks louder than the voice of reason.

I regret it now, and wouldn't ever advise someone to get too involved online. But I will say that, in many cirumstances, it is much easier to get to know a person in lines of text, because it can be easier to open up and talk about yourself. For a person like me, I know that the computer screen between me and the people I conversed with allowed me to relax and open up. For sone reason, even though I didn't know these people, I trusted them, and was more able to open up to them than I was to my own friends and family.

I'm really quite odd...

--Baka.

well it's a good way to get to know someone on a more personality based level i think. i mean all u CAN do is talk and ask questions and find out more about the person. but if u never plan on meeting or whatever i dont see the point. there should be a physical connection as well as an intellectual one too.