Sick of everything...my head hurts!

This rant is going to cover a few different things. I've just been really bogged down and frustrated with a bunch of stuff, and I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't get it off of my chest...or out of my head. I'm actually getting tired from all the thinking and pondering I've been doing for the past few weeks or so. This rant will probably be somewhat disjointed and a little difficult to read, and for that I apologize. I'm just sort of pouring my thoughts out here and hoping someone can relate or share a story or something... Anyway, with out further adeu, here's my rant.

First off, I'm in that "fun" stage of life where I'm forced to decide exactly what I want to be for the rest of my life. Alright, maybe that's an exaggeration, but that's what it feels like. I took a semester of college off for a trip I took to Brazil thinking it would help me clear my head and get going in some sort of direction, but it hasn't. I've narrowed it down a little, but I'm still totally in the dark. I feel like most of the people I talk to have some sort of direction - a goal to work towards. They have a path to take, but I'm standing in the middle of a 3D plane with an infinite amount of things that I have to choose from and absolutely nothing to go by. I'm being forced to go somewhere, but I don't know where. I've considered so much, but I can't decide on one thing. Meanwhile, I'm working at a pretty fun, yet pointless job that I know will never pay off. I'm getting called lazy because I don't come in when they call me on my days off, and a friend recently told me something to the effect of a "store opinion" that I'm a "moron." She didn't mean to be offensive, and when I drilled her about it, I pretty much found out that there are a number of people at my work who consider me a "moron." I put the word in quotes, because from what it sounded like, she meant moron in the sense of not the greatest worker, not necessarily a stupid person as most people would interpret it. After hearing who these people were, it doesn't surprise me, but it was kind of upsetting considering I felt like we all got along very well. I should have known, though, it seems like everyone is stabbing each other in the back these days.

And with that note, is anyone else very frustrated by these people who work in meaningless jobs, but seem like they've totally given their soul up for the company and want you to do the same? I work for a very popular coffee company (I think you can guess who it is,) and it seems like so many people their want me to just throw down my whole entire life for this store to consume. I ask for thirty hours, they don't even give me that, yet they complain that I'm being "lazy" when I don't want to come in on all of my days off. Yes, they call me in on the majority of my scheduled days off asking if I can pick up "a few extra hours." Is there something wrong with not wanting to devote your entire life to something that you know will never pay off for you? Why should I want to spend everyday working for a company when I know that someday I will be gone, forgotten, and the money I made there really won't amount to much when compared to having an actual career? I'm not a lazy person, really. When there's something I really want, nothing can stop me in attaining it. It's just that there really is nothing that I feel like I can really devote all of my time and energy towards to make it work - nothing that will really make me happy. Recently, I've just been feeling like we get one shot. We're born, we live pretty short lives when you think about it, then we die. To me, the most likely outcome is that we just cease to exist, and all that's left are memories of us. With that one shot, shouldn't we live a life we truly want to live instead of just devoting ourselves to some stupid thing that we hate doing just to get by? Should we not pursue the things that we want to do? Why is it that these "workaholics" (Or workolics if you want to be technical) that are willing to hand over their freedom and work 60 hours a week for some company that doesn't care about them so highly respected these days? Is it really being "lazy" to want to enjoy your life and pursue your dreams instead of just jumping in and going with the flow of things until you die?

Another thing that's been bothering me, and I know it doesn't really tie in, is the whole girlfriend thing. Why is everyone so obsessed with finding a girlfriend/boyfriend right away? My mom (I know, very "teenager) is constantly getting on my case for not having a girlfriend, but I'm just very picky with who I choose to spend my time or life with. Unfortunately, and I know it sounds crewd, but there aren't a lot of girls that I come across who I really want to date. I don't want to just pick up some random chick because she's "hot." I'm very picky about things like personality, maturity, morals, etc. Of course I am a man, so I'm pretty picky as far as looks are concerned as well. There have only been a few girls that I have seriously wanted to pursue, and neither of those have ever worked out for me. I'm going to be honest here - I'm 20 years old, good looking enough (from what people tell me,) I work out everyday, and I really haven't had a real girlfriend yet. Believe me, I get plenty of opportunities, especially considering that I'm constantly working with large numbers of people. (I get phone numbers in the tip jar from time to time...haha) No, I'm not gay...I know that for sure. If I was, I'm not the type of person who would be in the closet. And yes, it bothers me quite a bit, especially when people nag me about it. Is it such a terrible thing to be picky, go after what you want, and not feel like you have to be confined by nature to find a "mate" as soon as possible and start a family with someone you're not 100% happy with? Is it so wrong to be happier alone than with someone you're just okay with? Why is it so difficult to find an attractive, mature, intelligent woman these days who isn't already in a relationship? And to be truthful, I did find someone who I'd really like to spend time with while I was in Brazil...unfortunately, she is still there and I am here. I guess you could say that's another thing that's been on my mind lately, but I don't want to be too dramatic about it or anything.

So today I decided to finally do something I've been wanting to do forever - Go look at kickboxing and MMA schools. I found a couple I'm considering, come home to tell my parents only to have my mom berate me for wanting to do something so "weird" and "left of field." She said it was a big waste of money ($50.00 a month..big deal,) and that it's stupid that I'm wanting to do this instead of having an actual career...Christ, does she think I don't think about these things? And just to add one more insult to the list, when I told her "It's something that I really want to do and I think it will be fun," she told me "you're never going to find a girlfriend like that." Yeah...that one hit home a little. What kind of mother says something like that? All I've been doing for a while is thinking and worrying about these things, I decide to do something for myself, and she scolds me and tells me exactly what I don't want to hear. Ugh...things are weird right now. And hey, I don't mean to sound like I think my life is bad. I realize I have a great life, I've just been stressed out about these things as of late.

Thank you sincerely to anyone who actually read my little rant. Like I said, I just sort of poured my feelings and thoughts out here - hoping someone can relate or something like that.

I hear ya Herman.

We have all got probs so I will not go off on a tangent of my own.

Do you feel better that you took the time to write it all down and share it ?
This is sometimes a really cathartic thing to do...puts it in perspective and helps you see the wood from the trees.

I wish you well in sorting out these probs and as for the kickboxing...well I am a mum (aged 50) of 3 sons and I say go for it sweetie. I do not agree with your mother...50 bucks a month...chicken feed. It will keep you fit and help protect yourself against those NWO freaks at the concentration camp.
You could do other not so good activities.




[edit on 3-4-2007 by resistancia]

u know man...it all depends on you...the decision
atleast find a job that u like to do....close to a hobby u like or sometin...

Thanks guys. Yeah, it did help me a little bit to write it down, but I'm still very worried and frustrated about this career stuff. It's like I have this great opportunity right in front of me, but I can't get moving because I have no idea where to go. Pile on that other stuff I mentioned, and then add a fight with my mom (We hardly ever fight anymore,) and it makes for one frustrating time.

I wish my mom could see it like you do, res. Hasn't she ever heard of a hobby?

Unisol,

My hobbies are pretty much working out, running, riding dirtbikes, playing video games, playing guitar, and hopefully soon boxing or kickboxing. It's a little hard to find careers in any of those fields haha. That's one major reason I'm considering something physical like the fire dept. or the police force.

I've been feeling the exact same way man... about the working part at least. I hate to sound like an advertisement or anything of the sort, but I would suggest looking into somewhat of an entrepreneurial career. Find something you love doing, and find a way to make money doing it. The only person you would have to worry about pleasing is yourself. Just an idea...

Ever see the movie, "Say Anything"?.

Lloyd Dobler: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Guy wanted to be a kickboxer. Good flick. John Cusak. Check it out.

Originally posted by YoBrandonRaps
I've been feeling the exact same way man... about the working part at least. I hate to sound like an advertisement or anything of the sort, but I would suggest looking into somewhat of an entrepreneurial career. Find something you love doing, and find a way to make money doing it. The only person you would have to worry about pleasing is yourself. Just an idea...

That was actually my original idea. I'm still considering it, but it's hard to find something that will make money with my interests. My interests are pretty versatile. Since I already work at a coffee shop, I was thinking about opening one. Who knows... All I know is that I have to sign up for more classes soon, and I have no idea what to sign up for.

I say do what you love and love what you do. I know it's cliche but it saves being miserable down the line. And about the whole girlfriend thing I think you have the right approach to it. It's better to not rush into anything. When miss perfect for you comes along you will know it and so will she.Don't ever be afraid to follow your dreams. It's better to try and fail than to years later say " If only I had done that".I think you should try the entrprenuer thing but look for something unique that you could do without a lot of competition. Do some market research in your area. What is lacking, what do people want, what do they travel out of town to find? thats what you give them. Good Luck!

I feel exactly the same. Actually I didn't think i'd find someone that thought like that

I dropped out of college from total lack of interest, despise office work, and am considering police or the navy. Something outside and that actually feels like your doing something useful unlike watching numbers and files in an office.

All in all the only person in the world that matters is you. Other people will be there and give their opinion to what road you should follow, but in the end you decide everything. Other peoples opinions should not matter. It is your life to live and it doesn't matter what you choose. As long as you are happy that is all that matters.

The way I see life is as long as what I am doing makes me happy then all the best. If people want to give their opinion on what I should or shouldn't do so be it. I will not let others influence the way I live my life. Even if it is my own mother

I do not care what people think. They can think whatever they want.. this will not change the way I act or the person I am. Live your life the way you want to! The right career will eventually find you just be patient.

Hope that helps.