my story..long but interesting post

Here are some odditys about my life and where its gone...sort of a timeline if you will...regressing this information has helped me realize that I really have no choice...magick/occultism has been born into me...I dint find it it was always a part of me.

3-4 years - completley obssessed with supernatural/horror films. My mom sometimes let me see snippets. Something about horror movie music got me high (john carpenter). However I clearly remember no references in these films to occultism. They where mainly slashers. With the exception of "Poltergeist", wich had vague if any occult references.
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5-6 years - I clealy remember going to the library and picking out books on superstition and EVEN A BOOK ON SATANISM for kids!!!!!! It clearly described how to devote yourself to "satan". If anyone knows anything about this book let me know I would like to hunt it down mainly for superficial reasons (i.e, people dont believe it exists) Im sure it was tongue in cheek but who knows. (Perhaps I should have left this out since many of you will find this laughable and discredit me.)

During this period I remember having a very vivid imagination and I would remember playing with my toys and all of a sudden the whole room turned to an orange ambience! It was very vivid, things started to slow down and I felt "high". I can only remember this happening once.

The woman who lived in the apartment before us killed herself(pill overdose)I saw a ghostly outline while wide awake in the dark trying to get to sleep one night. It was a dull glowing mist moving towrds me, not walking but somehow gradually moving towards me, I was terrified and called for my mommy, immediatly the apparition dissapeared.

8-10 years- my grandfather dies from complications of a stroke, the man basically raised me, we were very close...i had a deep sense that he was reincarnated. My grandmother new from a dream that he was going to pass the day that he did, wich is odd because my family is pretty atheistic, and doesnt "believe in such nonsense".

My interest in all things supernatural deepens... my family becomes a bit concerned.
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12-15 years- SNIP fell in love

Discoveered "punk rock subculture", loved the music but something was lacking
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15-17 years- SNIP I had post tramatic stress disorder and felt like all solid matter around me was superficialk and not "real". I think I was to young to grasp it, wich I understand and accept now. By the way during this period peoples faces looked so alien to me that I seriosly felt like I was alone in some sort of warped universe..wich I believe is true now.

I began having spontaneous astral projections/sleep paralysis and was absolutly HORRIFIED....as this added to the nightmare I was already living in. Ever since then I have not been able to sleep on my back...IT HAPPENS ALMOST EVERY TIME... I start to feel this heaviness and cannot move.
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17-19- recovery period and became addicted to alcohol due to Post tramatic stresses. Somewhat of a paradox.

The music I was choosing became DARKER and HEAVIER, I started listening to more deathmetal due to the occult imagry/content and the dark atmosphere of the music
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20-21-SNIP

I had an encounter with what might be reffered to as a succubus. She was so gorgeous. Her skin was paper white, her hair a firey red. And the body of a goddess.. huge round hips, tiny waist, huge breasts and a gorgeous face.(you get the idea, Im getting a bit excited asd I think of her) She only had whites for eyes..no pupils nothing and she floated in through my window and trully had a "demonic" look to her. (by mainstream tradition) She was emitting pure lustful sexual energy. We proceeded to fornicate...it was EXPLOSIVELY orgasmic to say the least. When I orgasmed..oddly she left. the same way she came....There was no indication that she had completed orgasm and it seemed as though she only wanted to pleasure me, and due to how vivid this was my orgasm was a bit hard to control. Mind you I had no idea what a Succbus was at the time, I have heard the term and new it was occult related but I didnt know what it was. I brushed it off. I told a devout christian friend of mine of the wxperience about a year later and he told me it was a Succubus and if I dont stop all this "goat worshipping" Im going to get possessed.
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22-23
SNIP

After this experience I was in a mystical state of mind for about a yera

I took a heavy interest in BLACK METAL, as alot of it was truly occult and ritualistic, however there is ALOT of false crap out there that is either simply shock value or just trendy. And soon DARK AMBIENT SOUNDSCAPES took hold of my cd player. I began heavily reading books on wicca and witchcraft but they all seemed a bit too "light" and "hippiesh" to me...Im by no means insulting this tradition just making it clear that it didnt interest me. Then I discovered "nocturnal witchcraft" by konstantinos, now I dont understand what the fuss is about his work...I enjoyed this dark twist on witchcraft, it had a powerfull vibe to it, but being guided differently by more "knowledgable people" i quckly lost interest due to lack of direction.
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24-25

just worked on musick mainly. Something was missing
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26(present age)

Discovered self-hypnosis/meditation to help me relax, all the references to mysticism sparked a new interest in me, i started buying books on remote viewing/psi and finally discovered CEREMONIAL MAGICK! And boy that was it..I love the way this craft feels and I think Ive found it!! Anyway Im very excited and ready to become serious.

Ive been practicing the basic relaxation ritual and the tarot contemplation for three days with some results. I can actually vaguely see the golden sphere and feel its ticklish warmth!! Does this "vision" increase with pratice because if it does Im in for a wild ride!
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Well there you have it, besides all the "larger" events in my life there where numerous other smaller scale things.... Increase in imagination/artistic creativity(I always was creative but it increased) Many psychic experiences that most people seem to experience one time in life or another.


Comments Questions?

mod edit: removed drug references.
Mod edit: Terms & Conditions Of Use – Please Review This Link.

[edit on 23-1-2007 by sanctum]

[edit on 23-1-2007 by sanctum]

not sure it is allowed to talk about drug taking on this board, i remember some mod, disliking it in another thread. not sure on it, but you may be allowed.

what you tying to say, that it was your destiny to have the life you have had, or that we really do not have the choice, the information finds us, that we think we find it.

[edit on 22-1-2007 by andy1033]

Yes I suppose.. I just feel like I have had an odd life and wanted to share

Well I hope that the mods undertand that this was merely an educational post.

Not to sound rude, but what was the point of telling us that? It's interesting, and was a good read..I'm just not entirely sure what you want.

There are a few things I am curious about:

Could you describe the suc. encounter? I'm more interested in the details pre/post experience.

Didn't it strike you as a little odd that she floated?

What was running through your mind after the event was over?

Thanks!

Jack

[edit on 1/23/2007 by JBurns]

The point of this thread is I believe that Im predisposed to paranormal events. Why is that odd that she floated? She floated in throuvgh my window, and I became very lucid, she was beautiful and just emitting pure lust. Like that was her sole purpose was to simply fornicate with men. That is the only vibe I got, while it was very erotic it it still didnt feel like she was a "light" entity... she floated out of my window and that was that. I immediatly opened my eyes and was in the exact same position that I was in my "dream", and yes she made me "finish". It is an experience I would like to repeat over and over.

Im curious...you are a retired cop and a paranormal investigater..... does this succubus thing happen often to unwitting "victims"? Why are you a paranormal investigater? Are you convinced of a reality "behind the veil" so to speak?

I guess the ultimate question, burns is do you feel that Im crazy? Sometimes my encounters with the paranormal can be quite unsettling and I feel like Im losing it, and I will admit, that I do question my sanity regularly, but then Im come back to the idea that life in general is SOOOOO mysterious, that we couldnt possibly explain the mechanics that it functions on. This reminder is what keeps me from losing it?

i was just wondering when u sleept did you feel a presence over you when you were about 15-17

I have become quite familiar with this state. And my subconciouss will no longer allow me to sleep on my back because 2 out of 3 times I go into sleep paralysis, but to answer your question, not so much a presence but sort of a MAAAASSS presence that Im somewhere mysterious and I feel naked literally my soul feels naked and vulnerable... the same feeling you would feel if you found yourself paralized an naked is the feeling I get with sleep paralysis no matter how many blankets sweatshirts pairs of pants Im wearing, etc.