Writing Sample..

Here's the prologue to a little project that I'm working on. Hope you like it. Give me some feedback.

*edit WHOOPS! Forgot the actual stuff...LOL!


Prologue: The Birth of Alaria


There is a legend, no longer spoken among men, that tells of a great epic, which is regarded as the history of this land. That which follows, is the only written account of this legend�


Long ago, there existed seven elder gods, whom created this world from the spinning darkness that is chaos. Unto each god was given the complete control of one key aspect of their newly made world, which they called Alaria.

Unto Ramos, was given control of the raging inferno, and all things fiery. Unto his sibling, Deran, was given power over the rolling seas that covered much of Alaria. Bron became overlord of the very earth upon which this new land was built. Unto Arien was given complete mastery of the wind and weather of Alaria. Sol, the eldest, was given the all important aspect, control of the sun. The youngest of the seven elder gods was Quientas, whom was given the duty of breathing life into all of the living beings of Alaria, and his counterpoint was the god Morthax, whom controlled the fate of all living beings, and decided when they would die.

And so, it came to pass that the world of Alaria was created, and she, along with her makers lived in harmony with all the peoples of the world. The gods walked among their people, and were contented with what they had created.

Unfortunately, this was not to last. For because the gods came from another realm, the one in which they had created Alaria was not suited to handle such an awesome presence. It became apparent that if the seven elder gods were to remain, all that they had worked to create and maintain would come undone, and cease to exist. So, it was with heavy hearts that they decided to leave the world that they loved so much.

Each god, before departing, erected a sanctum, in which they each placed a shrine to honor their elements. Deep in the caverns of the easterlands, Bron gouged a great grotto, from the hardest granite, in which he placed his sanctum. In the fiery abyss of the Hellfire volcano, Ramos carved from the basalt a room in which he would place his sanctum. Across the deep blue seas, and upon a tiny island, a great distance into the ocean, was the sanctum of Deran. Atop the highest peak of Alaria, Arien created a sanctum from the purest marble. Deep in the arid desert of Alaria, of which the name has been forgotten, Sol constructed a sanctum from sandstone. Quientas, however, was different. He erected a great tower of jade, which he placed in the middle of the most fertile valley imaginable. In response to this, the jealous Morthax created an even greater tower, which he constructed of the blackest obsidian, and placed it deep in the western swamplands.

They were said to have taken each of them a disciple, unto whom they were said to infer great wisdom, and a mark, that would distinguish them apart from the rest of the world. When the appointed time came to depart, each god summoned his disciple to the sanctum which they had created, and imparted upon them a gift. A crest, bearing the symbols of the gods. Then, each retreated from this realm, back into their own, which could more ably support such presences, and sealed the planar opening, so that none of them would be tempted to return.

But Morthax had deceived his brothers. He had given his apprentice more than just wisdom, and a crest. He had instilled in him the ability to command the dead. With this power, The disciple of Morthax, known as Gorian, was to lay waste the world, and bring all whom lived there under his control. Unable to fight such a large-scale assault, the other six disciples fled into hiding, never to be heard from again. With his powers, came the gift of unnaturally long life, and so, waves of darkness spread over the land from the deep western marshlands, for three millennia.

Gorian�s sole mission, however, remained incomplete. He has yet to discover the location of the remaining six crests. If he is to fulfill the will of the god Morthax, he must gather these crests, and forge from them a great key, which will unlock the planar seal between the realms, setting his master free. If that is to happen, the world would fall into despair, and all would be undone.



[Edited on 10-12-2003 by Loki]

Epics the word! Keep on it! Nice

Thanks, Bagoose. I'm kinda puttering out right now, unfortunately. I'm on the second chapter, and my motivation's just shot...Well, I'll keep trying...


Would you like to see the first complete chapter?

[Edited on 10-12-2003 by Loki]

Sure, I'll go for it. Good work on the prologue, but keep writing on. I have stopped many stories because of a lack of inspiration, and I wish I never did, keep at it!

Good luck!

-wD

here's what chapter one is basically going to look like. Enjoy.


Chapter One: The Awakening


Gorian sat upon his throne, with a splitting headache. He rubbed his temples in a clockwise motion, as if to massage the pain away. He had been getting more and more of these headaches lately. He wondered what was the cause. Surely, he could discover the answer. Glancing up, he was sidetracked, and looked around the throne room, disgusted. It had been nearly three thousand years since the day he had risen up against the world, in an attempt to release his master. A low growl issued forth from his throat, which quickly progressed into a roar. He slammed his fist onto the arm of the great chair, frustrated. He was no closer to finding those damned crest as he was three thousand years ago. Remembering that he had intended to discover the source of his headaches, he pointed at his majordomo, who stood nearby.
�You.� he said.
�Sire?� replied the man
�Bring to me the box that sits upon the pedestal in the antechamber.�
Nodding, the majordomo made haste to the chamber next to the throne room. As he left, Gorian rose from the iron chair that served as his throne. He walked slowly across the throne room, to one of the several mirrors that covered the surrounding wall. He regarded the face that stared back at him with a certain amount of awe. He was, as he knew, three thousand years old. However, the face that looked back at him was still quite youthful. The only thing that was anomalous about it was his eyes. They had the look of a man whom was well beyond the comprehension of any mortal being. His glance traveled upwards, to his hair, which was a shock of snow-white locks, a sign of the touch of Morthax. Gorian recalled the day when he was first summoned to this tower by his master. He was told of his task, and then, in order to bestow upon him the powers necessary to complete it, Morthax laid his hand upon his head. In an instant, Gorian�s hair had turned a shocking white color, and his life had changed forever.
�Sire, the box you asked for.� the majordomo said, as he proffered the case to him.
Gorian turned slowly, and took it from him. �Good.� he said. �Leave me, now.�
The majordomo bowed, and left, without a word.
Gorian carried the box gently, as if it carried the most fragile of things inside it. Slowly, he walked to his throne. There he sat, and opened the box up, gazing inside at it�s contents.
Inside the box was a pulsating black gem. A shard of obsidian, which glowed so brightly that its light cast Gorian�s features into sharp relief. He stared at it, wondering how long it had been since he laid eyes upon it. It was a stone, given to him by Morthax to use in the search for the crests. He lifted it gently from the box, and placed it against his forehead. He felt a sudden rush, as he began to search far and wide for a mind that was open to his probing thoughts. One that was different, for surely, that mind would be one of a crest bearer. What he discovered startled him so badly, that he nearly dropped the gem.
It was a mind that glowed with power. It was a new mind, undoubtedly, but where had it been hiding all these years, and how did it come into such power spontaneously? Licking his lips nervously, Gorian probed deeper with his mind. This powerful youngster that he was sensing was broadcasting a range of emotions, from anger, to fear, to confusion. Intrigued by this, he probed even deeper into the young mind.
How could such a young mind harbor so much raw power? He thought to himself. As he pondered, it slowly gained more coherence, as if the young mind had only just lost it�s self control momentarily. Intrigued by the sudden change, Gorian gave the mind a light push with his. Confused, the youngster pressed back, not hard, but hard enough to startle Gorian. His initial response was one of anger, and without thinking, he struck the young mind a psychic blow. Hurt, and enraged, the mind then struck Gorian a resounding blow, which stunned him. He snapped out of his trance, and his eyes rolled back into his skull. The obsidian shard that he held began to glow brighter than ever, which was when hairline fractures began to appear all over it. Suddenly, and in a flash of blinding light, it exploded in Gorian�s hand, scattering shards across the floor.
He shook his head, as if to clear the fogginess that had built up within it. When he saw what had happened to his seeing stone, he lost all self control. He raged, striking everything he saw, either physically or psychically. The mirrors shattered. His throne was twisted in upon itself. The very walls shook with his rage.
That little FOOL! He thought as he shattered a mirror with his fist. My stone is gone forever! I can�t even locate the crest bearers now. He paused, as he gathered his concentration to break another mirror. Wait�crest bearers� He let a wide grin crease his face. A crest bearer. I have found one, at last. He nearly sprinted to the heavy oaken doors that closed the throne room off from the rest of the tower. Shoving them open, he came face to face with a guard, whom had a strange look on his face.
�Clean it up� was all he said to him, as he swept by, with his cape flowing.
His thoughts raced. He couldn�t believe his own luck. He may have lost his seeing stone, but he had found a crest bearer. He walked quickly down the corridor, to the main staircase. As he took the stairs two at a time, he was giddy with excitement, at the thought of finding a crest bearer after all these years. Finally, Morthax�s freedom was that much closer.
He sharply turned the corner, as he made his way, as quickly as possible, to the stables. But wait, He thought. Where is the boy that I discovered? It wasn�t that far from here, was it? He racked his brain, trying to think of where he had located the boy. And if it is close to here, why am I only just now discovering him? It was a quandary, to be certain. Shrugging, he continued to the stables.
It doesn�t even matter, He thought to himself. I�ll just send riders. Yes. I�ll send them out, and tell them to bring me any young boys they find. He laughed out loud. I�ll find him.
He rounded the final corner, coming to a stop in front of the stable doors. Opening it quickly, he stepped inside, and called for the stable master. Yes. I�ll find him. Then, I�ll kill him�

* * *

Simon hovered, motionless, above the strange figure seated before him. He was clothed in an iridescent golden robe, which seemed to glow a holy light. Confused, Simon glanced around nervously. Nothing. That is precisely what he saw. He, and the strange man in front of him were surrounded by unending white nothingness.
Without preamble, the man began to speak. �Simon, son of life, look upon me. I am Quientas.�
Dumbfounded by what he had heard, Simon could do nothing but stare stupidly at him.
�I see that you�re speechless. Come, child. Let me show you something.� He beckoned, and at the first movement of his hand, Simon began to drift to the floor, with his feet coming to rest on what appeared to be nothing. Simon�s jaw dropped, and his eyes bulged.
Quientas grinned, mischievously, letting the expression cover all of his youthful face. He swept his hand in a wide arc. �This is the place in which I live. I�ve brought you here to tell you a few things, and we have a lot to cover in a short time, so this is what I�m going to do.� He snapped his fingers. The room suddenly changed into an exact replica of a small forest clearing, identical to one that was near Simon�s home. It was one of Simon�s favorite places in the world. He snapped again, and this time, his appearance was altered. He now sat, cross-legged on a patch of green moss, with a plain brown tunic, green hose, and a golden band which held back his flowing blonde hair.
�There.� he said. �Hopefully that�s a bit more comforting to you, my child.� A mischievous smile played across his face.
Simon blinked. �ww-w-what�s going on?�
Quientas gave a false frown. �tsk. I thought I already explained that. Really, Simon, you must try to keep up.�
Simon nodded nervously. Another boyish grin spread across Quientas� face.
�There we are,� he proclaimed happily. �now come, sit here beside me.� He patted the moss gently. Simon walked over, and sat, straight-backed and cross-legged, still glancing about nervously, despite his familiar surroundings.
�I�m going to tell you a story now, Simon. You must listen. It is of the utmost importance.�
Simon nodded, slightly more comfortable. Nodding in agreement, Quientas began his story.
�Aeons ago, my six brothers and I discovered that there was a gap, which bridged our realm and yours. Curious, and ready for some excitement, we crossed over.�
�There we found utter chaos. I can�t really relate to you in words what we saw, but suffice to say that it was a swirling black mass of chaos, incomprehensible to a mortal mind. Confused by this, we decided to bring order to this newly discovered realm. We worked together to forge a new world, your homeworld, Alaria.�
Simon�s eyes widened. �Just�like that?� he asked, snapping his fingers.
Quientas tilted his head. �Yes�I suppose that it worked something like that.�
�Anyhow,� He continued, �We were so pleased with ourselves that we decided to remain, and live among our creations. However, it eventually became apparent that we couldn�t stay. You see, my brothers� and my existence was not accounted for within that realm. If we were to stay, the very fabric upon which it exists would have come apart.�
Simon looked bewildered. �I�m not quite sure I understand.�
Quientas only nodded, a sympathetic expression on his face. �Yes, it�s a difficult concept. However, we don�t have the time to discuss it at length. Suffice it to say that the entire universe is patched together like a quilt. Each patch is a different realm.�
�Oh.� Simon replied, still looking slightly confused.
�As I was saying,� Quientas continued, �We had to leave. Six of us felt that it was all for the best, but my brother Morthax thought that we had the power to change the realm, making it more suited to our presence.� Quientas shook his head. �Foolishness.�
�The other six of us eventually coerced him into coming with us, but he had one condition. He wanted to leave certain things behind, in order to commemorate our presence. We reluctantly agreed to his idea.�
�He proposed that we each create a sanctum, a most sacred place on Alaria that was unique to each of us. He also proposed that we all take a disciple, and impart upon them much wisdom, so that they could maintain order in our stead.�
�That doesn�t seem like a bad idea, really.� Simon said.
�On the surface, it was a wonderful plan. However, there was more to Morthax�s plans than any of us had forseen.�
Simon raised an eyebrow. �What do you mean?� he asked.
�He gave to his disciple far more power than we had all agreed upon.�
�Well, that doesn�t really seem like it was too terrible,� replied Simon.
�There�s two sides to that, unfortunately. It goes a lot deeper than I�ve made it sound. Tell me, Simon. Have you ever heard of a man named Gorian?
Simon looked confused. �Certainly, but what does Lord Gorian have to do with it?�
�Gorian is the disciple of Morthax. He has been granted far too much power, and has lived in eternal youth, these past three millennia since the gods left Alaria. He was bade by Morthax to open the rift between our realms once more, so that he might escape, and come be the sole ruler of your realm.
Simon�s jaw dropped. Quickly, he lowered his head, in thought. �I see. But�why are you telling me all this. What does this have to do with me?�
Quientas looked deep into Simon�s eyes. �It is rapidly approaching the time of the awakening. Gorian must be stopped. Only the other six disciples, united, can defeat him.� Quientas reached, and placed his hand on Simon�s shoulder. �You are the direct line descendent of my original disciple. The blood that flows through your veins is that of a crest bearer.�
Simon looked at Quientas, unbelieving. �Me? No, no, no, no�that can�t be true, can it?�
�It can and is, young Simon. I have come to you to awaken the power sleeping inside you. You must lead the six disciples against Gorian. It is your birthright; It is your destiny.�
Simon merely stared, at a loss for what to say.
�Our time is nearly up. Quickly, I must tell you. Go to the center of this forest. There, you will find a large clearing, in the middle of which stands a great tower. Go to the top floor. You, and you alone can enter the sanctum located within. Atop the altar, is the crest of life. The very crest that your grandfather, several times removed received from me so long ago. Wear it, and your power will be awakened fully.�
Simon nodded. �I will.� was all he said.
�I can only awaken enough of your power to allow you entrance into the sanctum. You must unlock the rest.� He slowly began to fade. �Our time is up, disciple of life. Go, with great speed, as soon as possible.� and then, like the light fading out of the dusk, Quientas was gone.
How odd, thought Simon. I�ve never had a dream like this before�
Suddenly, he felt a strange sensation. It was like a prickly feeling in his brain. It caught him completely off-guard. Confused, he tried to concentrate on it. As he did, he had the sensation of something solid moving slowly toward him. He felt it press against his mind. It startled him, yet intrigued him at the same time. Ever the curious one, Simon attempted to return the action to it�s owner. Slowly at first, he began to extend the fingers of his mind, tracing the path back to the source of the sensation. Gently, he pressed against the mind he found there.
A great wave of revulsion washed over him as he felt the mind�s thoughts. Visions of evil acts, and vicious, cruel intent. He felt a sense of great surprise, and quickly thereafter, a feeling of anger. He soon after discovered why.
He felt as if someone had driven a dagger into his temple. His body contorting in agony, he dropped to the floor, writhing in pain. This was by far the worst pain he had ever felt. Slowly, he regained his composure, and let fury overtake him.
How dare he, He thought. Just doing that to me, just like that. Simon sat down, and began to concentrate with al his mind on the channel, still open between his and the other�s mind. Unaware of what he was doing, Simon could only let it happen, as he funneled all of his righteous anger into the other�s mind. He then envisioned a great hammer, striking back against his attacker. He felt satisfied, as he felt the outburst of pain from the other. He had a sense of a great shattering, which confused him greatly. Suddenly, the link between the minds was severed. Exhausted from his efforts, Simon collapsed on the cool moss, and slept.
Simon snapped awake in the cold gray dawn of this brand new day. Worried, he looked at his surroundings. He was puzzled by what he saw. He was in his bed, at his home. It was all a dream� He thought. But, it felt so real� He reached up, and felt his head, touching the left temple. The pain made him wince. A dream maybe, he thought, but that doesn�t mean it didn�t happen�
But, how am I going to find that tower? He wondered as he laced up his tunic. The forest is at least a hundred leagues across� He continued to ponder, as he padded quietly out of his bedroom. He wondered how he would tell his parents that he had been visited in a dream by a god whom had given him a mission. One that he needed to complete, or else the world would never be the same again�

Good work! I read the Prologue. I have yet to read the first chapter post due to sore eyes though. I'll follow up on it later.

I'm a conassuer