DNA Evidence clears Eve, Adam

This just in...The Original Sin was all an "Unfortunate misunderstanding" says God.

Deadtroll.com News, November 7, 2001

Eden - Adam and Eve were innocent, according to the results of a new scientific investigation. DNA technology has posthumously cleared Adam and Eve, his common-law wife, of any wrongdoing in the so-called "Original Sin" at the dawn of mankind. "The DNA evidence clearly shows that neither of these two people actually bit the apple. In fact, the DNA present wasn't even human," says Edwin Rothschild, chief researcher for the U.S. Department of Ancient Agriculture.

Rothschild believes the DNA taken from saliva on the 25,000 year-old apple was, "probably from a monkey or something.�

The news has shocked biblical scholars and God-watchers from around the world. A spokesman for the Vatican says, � Mankind has been doing penance ever since for a sin that never happened. If you ask me, God�s got some 'splaining to do."

When contacted, God expressed regret at what he termed �an unfortunate misunderstanding� but refused to claim full responsibility. "You have to understand, we didn't have DNA testing 25 000 years ago. I figured, hell, there's only two of them here, it must have been Eve. Who else would have eaten from the Forbidden Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge? Adam was too stupid to disobey me, and Eve was spending a lot of time with that snake, but in retrospect, looking back at five thousand years of human history, I guess I should have realized it couldn�t have been the humans who ate from the Tree of Knowledge and was most likely a rogue dolphin or maybe a squirrel."
God refused to comment on reports that humanity will now be claiming aboriginal title to the Garden of Eden. �I don�t even remember where it was exactly, but it probably looks like # by now,� said the Supreme Being.

However, in a show of good faith to Eve and her decendants, who now number about 2 billion, God has removed the "Curse" of painful child-bearing from all women. Menstrual cramps will apparently be replaced by �menstrual butterflies� and women will now only feel a slight tickling sensation when giving birth.

www.deadtroll.com...





[Edited on 16-11-2003 by jezebel]

This sort of religion, I like

Very funny!

BTW, there's over 6 billion people on Earth.

Does that mean we can all get naked now?

Originally posted by greenkoolaid
Does that mean we can all get naked now?

Not with you greenkoolaid.
Only joking mate.

25,000 yr old apple....this, i cant help but smile at **
on a more serious note...i thought the tree was in heaven???
phenomenal stuff
thx 4 the cackle,
Cyrus

ha ha! brilliant!

very funny!

Who's to say the Forbidden fruit is even an apple?

Well what else was it? A lemon? ;P

Hi-larious. Keep it coming.

as in many cases, God too smart to realize his people have technology to prove against him. (yes i understand this is fake (lol))

Maybe it was a pineAPPLE

-wD

Originally posted by jezebel

When contacted, God expressed regret at what he termed �an unfortunate misunderstanding� but refused to claim full responsibility.

What ? He refused to claim full responsibility ? DOH !!! God is a Democrat/Liberal !!!

Um, wait. Should this not be in chitchat, or somewhere else in BTS? This does not sound to me like a religous conspiracy. Just my two cents.

Originally posted by jezebel
This just in...The Original Sin was all an "Unfortunate misunderstanding" says God.

Deadtroll.com News, November 7, 2001

Eden - Adam and Eve were innocent, according to the results of a new scientific investigation. DNA technology has posthumously cleared Adam and Eve, his common-law wife, of any wrongdoing in the so-called "Original Sin" at the dawn of mankind. "The DNA evidence clearly shows that neither of these two people actually bit the apple. In fact, the DNA present wasn't even human," says Edwin Rothschild, chief researcher for the U.S. Department of Ancient Agriculture.

Rothschild believes the DNA taken from saliva on the 25,000 year-old apple was, "probably from a monkey or something.�

The news has shocked biblical scholars and God-watchers from around the world. A spokesman for the Vatican says, � Mankind has been doing penance ever since for a sin that never happened. If you ask me, God�s got some 'splaining to do."

When contacted, God expressed regret at what he termed �an unfortunate misunderstanding� but refused to claim full responsibility. "You have to understand, we didn't have DNA testing 25 000 years ago. I figured, hell, there's only two of them here, it must have been Eve. Who else would have eaten from the Forbidden Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge? Adam was too stupid to disobey me, and Eve was spending a lot of time with that snake, but in retrospect, looking back at five thousand years of human history, I guess I should have realized it couldn�t have been the humans who ate from the Tree of Knowledge and was most likely a rogue dolphin or maybe a squirrel."
God refused to comment on reports that humanity will now be claiming aboriginal title to the Garden of Eden. �I don�t even remember where it was exactly, but it probably looks like # by now,� said the Supreme Being.

However, in a show of good faith to Eve and her decendants, who now number about 2 billion, God has removed the "Curse" of painful child-bearing from all women. Menstrual cramps will apparently be replaced by �menstrual butterflies� and women will now only feel a slight tickling sensation when giving birth.

www.deadtroll.com...

[Edited on 16-11-2003 by jezebel]

Now that was a good one!

Nice post!

That sounds like something that The Onion would print...Something like this article, for example...

Is it a mere coincidence that the so called authority making this claim is name 'Rothschild?'

does this mean the monkies must crawl on thier bellies from now on then?

Just a point of order here...the tree was in Eden, not Heaven, and now (after the clever revision), it is no longer the Tree of Knowledge, but now the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil...

and, just as an aside to show how Religion has corrupted, "sin" as used in the Bible cormes from the Ancient Aramaic - its originaly means "from the feminine" or "of woman" .. and there aren't too many children born who did not come out of a woman. Immersion in water (baptism) was merely what the midwives did to the new born.

iam wondering where they found the apple ?