Evil Feelings

I believe you experienced a brief manic episode released via a combination of your pre-condition, built-up anxiety, and using the drug. It passed fairly quickly and won't bother you again if you let it go.

I went thru an extended period of depersonalisation when I was younger & it was pretty hard to deal with. It feels like there's a thick window between yourself & the world. When you look around, nothing feels 'real', although you know of course it is.

You are right there are no pharmaceutical cures as such, those that are around treat the symptoms not the cause. The only thing that may help is a sleeping pill because a good sleeping pattern is the best thing for you right now, but it's better to get it naturally than via a chemical.

The way through it for me was to lead an active & healthy lifestyle, stick with close friends & get outdoors and engaged with life. I had gotten myself out of balance and eventually did enough of the right things to restore it. I personally found surfing the best thing for it! Eventually you learn to let go of the problem and it goes away. Don't go near any recreational drugs such as marijuana, xtc, lsd etc, they will exacerbate your problem immensely as you found out already. Don't ever buckle to peer pressure when it comes to drugs.

You will grow from this experience, you may just find that it has bumped you onto a more rewarding life path. Be wary of people who latch onto you during your weakness with some kind of agenda - religious, philosophical or otherwise. The best time to deal with such concepts is when you are feeling better.

[edit on 9-12-2006 by Shar_Chi]

I have had a few panic attacks and been very depressed during phases of my life, and I know that you're going through these things more often. But what I've found after having a panic attack you have a few choices, continue to bask in depression and saddness(which is hard not to do), find a sense of love and possitivity(which is hard to do when you feel that worthless), or like i've found and done, turn your emotions from depression, to anger and hatred. Not saying that's the right thing to do.

It seems that possibly you counteracted those emotions with evil and hateful thought.

Or maybe I don't make sense.