abuse story

wrote this last night, and I was hoping for someone to read it...It's kinda long, but in my opinion, worth the read...i tried putting it in literature first, but it got no comments there, so I'm trying it here.

Raindrops fall in the night,
like blood from an open wound.
The storm robs the sky of its light.
The darkness sets the evening's evil mood.
She sits on her bed, frozen with fear.
Not of outside; but of the storm within.
She hears the footsteps and she knows that he draws near.
Just feeling him there sends chills across her skin.
He’s done this to her before;
almost every day.
Now he’s right outside her door,
and she’s desperate to get away.
The knob starts to turn,
and she whispers "please God, no."
Because of the tears, her eyes start to burn.
She looks around for somewhere to go.
He slowly steps inside.
She starts to quiver and shake.
She knows that there's no place to hide.
She can’t protect her heart from another break.
He casually steps toward her bed.
She tenses up and waits for it to begin.
The first blow is across her head.
The second is dealt to her chin.
She can see that evil look in his eyes;
that terrifying little gleam.
The sound of the storm stifles her cries.
No one can hear her scream.
The battery continues evermore;
harder with every whack.
Then he throws her on the floor.
The world around starts to go black.
He kicks her again and again,
but she doesn’t feel the pain.
She thinks that this is the end.
She’s fading with the rain.
She wakes on the floor later that night,
with a throbbing pain in her head.
She hopes, she wishes, she prays with all her might,
that she will soon be dead.
Tonight, she wants her life to end.
She doesn’t see light in tomorrow.
Because although these wounds will mend
She’ll never get over the pain and sorrow.
No one knows what he does to her.
No one can ever tell.
There's no way that she can make them see,
how he’s made her life a living hell.
Abuse is the burden that some have to bear.
It happens every day.
But the system doesn’t notice, or maybe they don't care,
that even when the bruises are gone, the pain inside refuses to go away.

Tell me what you think...be honest, im a believer in constructive critisim

It's brilliant! I could relate to it well because that's exactly what happened to me. My father used to beat me till I just wished to die. Then I'd go to school and the teachers and principles would all whip me. Then there was the usual fights and abuse in the peer groups. When we first came to this country the locals held us down and made horses walk on us to kill us, but the horses kept missing us.

What a terrible sad story. It brought tears to my eyes.

Someone can make you feel with just the words they right. You can write with passion well.

[edit on 13-10-2006 by Shar]

Originally posted by probedbygrays
It's brilliant! I could relate to it well because that's exactly what happened to me. My father used to beat me till I just wished to die. Then I'd go to school and the teachers and principles would all whip me. Then there was the usual fights and abuse in the peer groups. When we first came to this country the locals held us down and made horses walk on us to kill us, but the horses kept missing us.

thats terrible! where did you live originally, and where did you move to?

I am crying at this moment in time. The writing is simple but so effective. So much truth behind the words is which will hit the reader the most.

I hope the person you wrote it for See's it. And my love reaches out for them and you.

Oni x x

thanks guys..i was hoping someone would feel it...I'm glad you guys do

Good job what_if_we_could and I'm feel it alright.

Sorry about what has happen to you to probedbygrays I hope your doing better now.