help!!!! i'm new at this...

Ok, here's the deal. I have no idea what I'm doing with women. (no, seriously!) I'm 24, and I've never had a girlfriend or anything. (no laughing! :p) Over the years, I did meet one or two that I thought I might be interested in, but I was too wussy and shy and never did anything about it, and the opportunities passed. (probably familiar to a few)

Anyhow, it's been a long time (several years) since the last time I met a girl I thought that it might work out for between us. Six days ago, I happened to run into a girl that for some reason I became interested in right on the spot. Having previously resolved NEVER to let such a chance ever slip by again when it came up, I worked up the nerve to go strike up a conversation with her, and we had a good ten minute chat or so, just the 'get to know you' kind of stuff. I discovered that I actually knew one of her older brothers from a few years back. (small world!)

Anyways, since I knew her brother from back when, I actually had her family's phone number already, and earlier today I finally had the balls to give her a call. We had a pretty good talk, for maybe another 10 minutes or so; she didn't hang up on me or anything, which is a good sign. (I actually ended the call, since she was rather busy at the time) I didn't ask her out or anything, but I did come right out and tell her I wanted to be friends and get to know her better. She seemed a bit taken aback by that, but at the very least she doesn't not like me, I think.

Well, the point of all this is, I want to a) find out if there's any possibility of anything between us and b) if there is, take it as far as it will go. And I was hoping that some people here would have some advice or stories or something to help me out, since I literally know nothing about what to do here, and I can honestly say I've never done this before.

Some possible problems:
-she is 18, and I am 24. Not sure if this will be an issue or not. She just finished high school, and I just finished university :p
-i have no idea if she has a boyfriend or not. I never asked her, but she never mentioned one, either. (hopefully she does not...)
-while our families are both the same religion, she is not really involved at all in it, while I'm quite strong in my faith. That is actually how I knew her brother, and how I met her; she decided to come to church for the first time in long enough that I had never seen her before.
-did I mention I have NO IDEA what I'm doing???

So yeah. Any help will be greatly appreciated!

Hey Dragon, I read your story and it was very interesting. I think you have a chance with this girl but the age difference may be an issue, also don't try to force a bf/gf relationship on her especially since you explained that she was taken a bit by the frienship question. Try to be friends first for awhile, how long I'm not sure ..then maybe depending how good of friends you become you can tell her that when you first met her it was more than a friendship that you wanted. Gauge her reaction and see if she feels the same, if she doesn't act like you were just joking it might work lol.

Hope this helps

So ok, I still have no idea what I'm doing with this girl, but I called her up again and invited her to a little get together a bunch of us are having tomorrow night. We're just going to hang around and have ice cream and junk like that, and there will be a bunch of people. She said she'd have to look at her schedule, so not really a yes or no, so I dunno how that will work out. I'm a bit worried she's trying to put me off, but if she makes it, that will be a good sign, and if not, well, that kinda sucks but it won't be the end of the world.

I am definitely going to have to figure out how to not be nervous when talking to her, though. Usually I can talk to people just fine without any shyness, although I am a quiet person by nature, but not her. So yeah, in a day and a half, I'll have a bit better idea if this is going anywhere or no.

Personally, I don't think the group get-together is a good idea yet, she may feel abit out of place, etc. If it were me in your situation, I would take it really slow with her. Just ask her if she would like to go out sometime with you.

Good luck with it all.

I thought it was a good idea myself, but it turned out she did not show up for it. I called her afterward (I ended up going home early cause it was boring :p) and talked to her for a bit. I think her reasons didn't have anything to do with me (I hope) but more because I don't think she really knew anybody at this thing.

I'm not ready to give up yet, though :p My sister has a good friend who is also good friends with this girl I'm interested in, and I'll see if next time something like this comes up that maybe that girl can be there, too, to make her feel more comfortable with going. Anyhow, I decided to lay off for a few days at least, while I decide where to go from here.

You only live once! Ask her to the movies! even if she says no, she'll be flattered your interested!

Dude.

just, Dude.

First: Look at all the time you've wasted. This is just one woman; think how many others would have talked to you, if you had just tried. You must immediately go out and introduce yourself to a new woman each week, until you give one of them a ring.

Second: So, you figured out that mentioning "a relationship" too soon scares women. You did pick up on that, didn't you? When you mention that you like a woman, you're betting all your money on one hand of cards. So don't "Call her hand" (in the sense of poker), until you're REAL SURE she will say "me too." Otherwise, you lose everything.

She may hang around with you for a while, but it will always be weird after that. She may not want to say "no," for fear of hurting you. Or she may just be lonely, or she may really like you. But now that you've screwed THAT up, you'll never really know which it is, until she tells you.

I think you've already botched this. If it was me, (but it's not), I'd immediately ask her out on a REAL DATE, to a movie or something. If you get anything but a yes, you can forget about her.

Third: The important lesson is this: Apparently, you are more attractive to women than you thought. In all truth, it's purely a numbers game. you will perfect your technique with practice. SOOO, get out there and meet the next girl, dude!

.

When I first read dr_strangecraft's reply, I was actually quite ticked off with him, until I realized that he is right, and now I think that he is a genius. I'm going to tell her exactly what's going on with me, and what I think of her, and unless she feels exactly the same way, I'm going to move on.

Good luck Dragonsdemesne!!!!!

If she starts talking, let her talk. Just listen. Don't but in. Most hate that.

Uhh, yeah, you should have asked her out first time. Just get it over with. And who cares if you're rejected? There are 3 billion other women out there.D:

But since you didn't, you're in a bit of a fix. It's kind of like you have to let her take it to the next step, and not you, which is not what you want.
Just be yourself.








And no leather jackets.

Heh, thanks, I'll need it, I think. I messed things up kinda bad, I'd say (and most of you seem to agree). This is basically my last ditch effort to try and salvage something with her, and if it works, great, and if it doesn't, at least I tried for the first time in my life to actually get something going with a girl I liked, and it will help for the next time.

Good luck, mate.

If she knocks you back, don't take it personally. If she says no, just use this experience as a lesson and learn from it.

Again, I wish you good luck and let us know how it goes.

CONFIDENCE MAN CONFIDENCE! That's really all you need.
Tell us how it went. And cross your fingers she isn't a member of ATS.

Well, finally I got ahold of her on the phone. I thought she had put me on call block or something, but it turned out someone had stolen her cellphone charger.

So yeah, I had the whole thing worked out, what I was going to say, and then I basically just chucked it and told her I liked her and asked her if she wanted to go out sometime.

Unfortunately... turns out she does have a boyfriend after all, that she had not mentioned up to this point in the half dozen or so conversations we've had. (whoops...) So that kind of sucked for me, but on the bright side, I am like 99% sure she would have said yes otherwise, based on the way she acted. I asked her if we could still be friends after all this and she was quite fine with that, and then I told her if things didn't work out with her boyfriend, to let me know. So now I'm not sure if I'm cheering for her to be happy with her boyfriend or for her to break up with him :p (probably the latter, haha)

Still, it does give me confidence for the next time. It's just so rare that a girl interests me that it was a bit of a blow to be rejected, but as far as rejections go, it was probably the least painful one she could have delivered. (and NEXT time, I will find out of she has a boyfriend first... :swear

Originally posted by xeroxed88
Personally, I don't think the group get-together is a good idea yet, she may feel abit out of place, etc. If it were me in your situation, I would take it really slow with her. Just ask her if she would like to go out sometime with you.

Good luck with it all.

you know if she feels out of place during the get together, that's a pretty good chance for you, since you can be the one to get her to feel in place, afterall your the one who invited her. you know, lets say she's shy when everybody's together and talking and laughing, and she's just doing nothin, that's your chance you come and talk to her, try to get her inot the group, maybe if you can have the group play a sport or a game or something and you'll be good!

I think it may have sounded like you were coming on a bit hard when you asked her to let you know if things didn't work out between her and her boyfriend, but other than that,

Congrats on asking her out. It's so nerve racking, but once you get started, you just keep rolling. And congrats on the fact that it sounded like she'd go out with you if she wasn't seeing someone else.

Now there are hundreds of ways to get people to break up, but some of the methods I've used include



nah, jk

Well, I found out (without going into much detail) that my previous comment is basically 100% wrong. Turns out things did not go as well as I thought they had, and because of something rather stupid that I said today (nothing bad, mind you) that I seriously doubt I can even be friends with this person now. I was told off rather strongly for trying to help with something, only to be told (in slightly less nice terms than I shall put)... well, a lot less nice) that my help was not welcome.

So yeah, the above experience rather turned me off this person, to say the least. It is definitely time to move on to the next person, whether I meet them tomorrow or in a month or a year. At least I learned a couple of really important lessons from all this, that I doubt I would have learned otherwise, or at least not in such a blunt manner. I'll put down what I learned here, in order that other people don't mess up like this.

First things first. Don't let a girl's looks trick you into thinking that you like her. The reason I first went up to talk to this girl was because she was drop-dead beautiful. As a result, I don't think I paid much attention to some of the little things that should have clued me in that this was not going to work with her. I let my eyes do the thinking instead of my brain, and it bit me in the behind.

Second, don't rely on first impressions (or even second impressions). Find out a bit more about the person than I did. If I had done that, I would have learned that this was only going to end badly. In this particular case, the biggest thing was that she already had a boyfriend, but there were other personality issues that are a bit more complicated, that I can see more clearly now that things would not have worked.

Third, take things a bit (a lot?) slower than I did. I didn't take the time to figure out whether or not this might actually work, or to learn all that much about her. If I had done that, I would not have asked her out, because even if she had agreed, we wouldn't have been very good together. There was a lot of stuff I wished I'd known beforehand that I learned too late when I talked to her the last time, the time after I asked her out. (no, I wasn't stupid enough to do it again, but I did something almost as bad, which shall not be discussed :p )

Fourth, pay attention to what your buddies on BTS say Xeroxed was right when he said that he didn't think the group thing was a good idea. (it was not) watchtherocks was right when he said confidence was important. And strangecraft was right, that I had already botched things really badly, and hadn't even realized it, or at least not realized just how badly.

Yup, time to move on. Based on what happened, I'm not going to contact this girl unless she calls first (very unlikely). I ended up inadvertently really offending this person, so I think it would be best to let things lie.

Hopefully I meet the next interesting girl soon. I'll definitely keep these things in mind when I do. If anything does happen, I'll be sure to let you guys know, since I got some great advice, (if only I'd listened to half of it) in a new thread.

I feel your pain Dragons, I've been in situations like that before. Although I know I'm going to get flamed by women for giving this advice, I think sometimes at the beginning of a relationship it's best to just put up a macho front, and treat them, well, you, know, like biatches. I'm convinced women are turned off by guys who are too nice...you just have to find the balance where she respects your manlyness but also thinks your a cute cuddly teddy bear. That can be reall hard to do....

Of course, you can always turn gay j/k

[edit on 9/18/2006 by djohnsto77]

i wish i was in a position to give advice, i forget sometimes and say stuff outloud i shouldnt and toally screw them up but hey thats me, thats what i am. but oh well right?


i guess.


# happens.


dont worry too much is all i can say if its meant ot happen then it shoudl happen if not then just keep your head up

thats the only advice i can offer thats worth anything

wish i could tell you some sort of magical antidote to fix all but i cant.


for i know of none.

no you dont have to treat them badly you just have to be indifferent to them. dont be afraid to be a man and you are going to blunder your way around until you build up much needed experience. the worst thing she can possibly do to you is say no, understand even an average looking woman is used to being hit on by men so most are actually ok with it ( there is nothing new under the sun). so dont take a rejection personally and umm sorry to say it physical attractivness is the first thing your going to see so good luck not lettign yourself get fooled by that. and definately the first couple of times you do go out should be a solitary affair. provided your not a creepy guy it shouldnt be a problem. and dont go in to anything expecting anything to happen either it does or it doesnt just treat them like you would any friend and be yourself. personality and character go a long way so bottom line if you have the personality of cardboard time to work on your social skills.