Father and son relationships.

Does anyone else here hate their dad? My dad said some really bad things to me, stuff that would make Hitler blush. Should I just leave the house and never return or is there any other way to fix a gubbed up relationship with my dad?

My dad passed away many years ago and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. That's not to say we didn't have some epic battles along the way.

You don't provide a lot of info, so advice might be pointless. I acknowledge some relationships really can be poisonous, and I have no answer for that one.

I'm going to assume that's not the case here, since you seem to desire fixing the situation. Best way to do that is through communication. It's entirely possible that he deeply regrets saying to you what he said. It's also entirely possible he'll not admit it, if he's prone to speaking hatefully to you.

I'd talk to him and tell him how it made you feel. Don't be defensive or accusatory, just tell him you were really hurt by what he said. I'm also going to assume that something precipitated his outburst. You need to work through that, too.

I speak from experience as a son and father. But remember this, if he didn't have deep emotions for you (although in this case, inappropriately demonstrated) he wouldn't have blown up. Obviously, he cares or you'd be ignored. I see that happening sometimes, and in my opinion, it's worse.

Have a talk. Make the next move. It would be great if he did, but sometimes you've got to bite the bullet and not stand on pride.

I dun talk to my dad.

Just a feeling of... I dunno not so much hate, but void. s'cool tho, I was raised by my grandparents and my grandfather let me have it all my life



If your dad is an abuse piece of feces, I say feck 'em, go on about your life, live it the way you wish, you can only make yourself happy bro.

I haven't spoke to my father for 8+ years. If there is anything in this giant universe that I hate, it's him.

Mac, this is just a guess but I bet shoe laces to yellow pigs that your dad drinks a bit. So if you can talk to him at all, then do so but in my particular instance my dad would only talk and never listen so I quit listening to him and went and lived with me mates.

Lifes too damn short to spend it with fools.

I grew up without my father around (not by either of our choice BTW). Now, I have a relationship with him, but it isn't a heavily emotional one. I don't see the guy who tought me to fish, or swing a baseball bat or anything, so there isn't the emotional bond. I do, however, try to spend as much time with him now as possible. It's tough though because he lives in Antigua, and I don't get down there as much as I'd like.

But hey, any relationship is what you make it.

You don't provide a lot of info.

I don't really want to go into depth what my rocky relationship with my dad is, because it makes my blood boil. There is alot of resentment and hostility between me and him. The nub of what he said was that he hated the very sight of me, that I would never amount to anything, that I was to blame for his mistakes, blah blah blah. I'm not sure about you, but to me, it takes a special kind of chutzpah to blame someone else for their own actions. Ta for the advice yeahright. I'll try to talk to him, but I doubt it'll work. He's one of the folk who thinks that their opinions are more relevent if they shout it.

Mac, this is just a guess but I bet shoe laces to yellow pigs that your dad drinks a bit.

:O You're very correct. Plus he's got depression as well, but he drinks anyway. It causes him to become irrational, and shouty like a petulant child. Good guess, mr Whaaa.

Originally posted by MacDonagh
The nub of what he said was that he hated the very sight of me, that I would never amount to anything, that I was to blame for his mistakes, blah blah blah. I'm not sure about you, but to me, it takes a special kind of chutzpah to blame someone else for their own actions.

Well, that's brutal. You've got my sincerest sympathy. I can't even fathom having to deal with that. If he's got a drinking problem AND depression, that's a tough nut to crack. And you shouldn't have to.

But it is what it is and is the hand you've been dealt. If you're able to work it out until it becomes at least tolerable for you, you're a big man. And if not, it's not your fault!

Best wishes.

I ain't seen/spoken to my "dad" (in my books, he doesn't deserve that title) for 8, nearly 9 years. He's a grade A prick. Doesn't give a damn about what's important in life, so I told him to "F" off, and he did.

Ah well, I don't need a dad when I have the best mum in the world.

Originally posted by xeroxed88
Ah, well, I don't need a dad when I have the best mum in the world.

Mammas boy!

But my dad is a bit of a A hole, and I says to him I says, look here there A hole, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss. Shelton (our neighbor), I know thats your area, not mine. But no really, he’s still a prick, almost the total opposite of me, though we both do share a cruel sense of humor, among other things.


[edit on 26-8-2006 by WestPoint23]

Well, my Dads a bit of a dooby at times - thinks he knows best, never listens to advice, moans about people and the prices of the world today, and he irritates the living cr@ out of me. But, he is still my dad, so i just ignore him and do what i wany any way.

As i grew older, i watched him grow older, till one day i realised that he is getting old and one day will pass away.

I took it then as a sign to get to know him a bit better, find out about his past, his memories. Some times people get bitter because they had a hard life and misfortune. Effects different people different ways.

I still ignore him and do what i want though, and I am at an age where i just look at him and shake my head and say nope, thats a bad idea.

He hates it, but thats what growing up does for you.

My dad is totally awesome, but weve had a rocky relationship.

My dad always thought he was right about everything, i too have had that 'amount to nothing' attitude but once i got to understand my father more i realised he was a good man just trying to do the best by us all, his family and friends.

i mellowed to his rants and when i left home i didnt see him for a year. When we finally met up again he was super apologetic for being so oppinionated and ignorant in remembering what it was like to be young and starting out in life.

were super close now and speak 4 to 5 times a week on the phone, meeting up when ever we can, all he cares about now is me and my daughters happiness.

He has said some very cruel things to me over the years but i know it was because of his own personal conflicts within himself so theres no love lost, hes by far made up for it.

Im sorry to hear your situation dude, if you feel its something you want to fight for just try and sit him down and be frank about how much hes hurt you, be man enough to make the first move and try and find a common interest you can share.

hope thats some help?

Regards and good luck.

Thanks to all the fellow ATSers who've answered this, and shared their wisdom with me. A big shout goes out to the Fettman. The U2U was just what I needed to read. Things between me and my da will always be strained and forever rocky, but I guess those are the breaks.

MacDonagh

The relationship I have with my dad is, well, hopeless. Utterly hopeless.

Without getting into too much detail about who he is, I'll just say the man doesn't change. He truly feels like he's the greatest man alive or the most unfortunate man alive and never understands what others are going through. He is so scornful, so full of contempt and hate yet he never tolerates others behaving like himself.

The fact he's not changing tells me that my dad and I will both die off never having been close to each other. My sister's already cut off all ties to him.

Mac, do you get on well with your mother?

I have the same problem with my mum i.e. the drinking and depression. It messed me up for a while and although she aint changed I realise that I can/have and try to be kind to her in the hope she will change and awaken from her state of denial/hating the world etc. I began to respect my dad for sticking with her and trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I ask about your mum because I find it really difficult to tell my dad I love him, I always want to say it at the end of phone calls, to hug him when I leave after visitng home. Any suggestions from you or fellow ATSers...