My custody case!!!!

I really need to get this off my chest , not like it will help, but hey. I would appreciate your guys' opinions on what to do.

For over a year I have been fighting to see my daughter. I have regular visitation for my son, well I did, which was every wednesday and every other weekend.

I took my ex for visitation of my daughter, and decided to go for custody, as she is very unfit, in every aspect of the word.

My court hearing was set for June 2nd, 2006. There were other dates before, but they got messed up by the court.

We arrived there, and went in. She had an expert witness(her counselor), so as a courtesy of the court my ex got to go out of turn, meaning normally our witnesses would be first, but considering she had an expert they allowed her expert to go first.

originally we were scheduled for a whole day in court, but we got there and found out they had scheduled other thing so we only got a half day.

Needless to say her lawyer kept her counselor on the stand the entire time anmd we didn't even get the opportunity to cross examine. My ex made up lies and said all this crap I did to her, and that my son had poop stains in his underware because he was afraid to come to my house (he's 5, it happens).

Well due to her testimony of that, they ordered me to have supervised visitation until the continuance, which is tomorrow.

My supervisor, which watches how me and my son interacts and such, sees that he is not afraid of me in anyway at all, and keeps asking when he can come to daddies house, so my main witness is her.

we know we wouldn't get done tomorrow, so after the first date on june 2 we set up 3 days, tomorrow, august 11, and august 18.

Well they cancelled the 11th and 18 to scedule other things, How convieniant.

My lawyer sent the subpeanas to the court last week, yet none of my witnesses, including my expert witness, has gotten them, and it's too late for them to get them.

This to me seems awful convienant to my ex, so the next continuance will not be til mid october.

The court has literally screwed me over 5 times, and I am considering filing a lawsuit against them. I feel that as a father I am being jerked around by the court, it is almost like the woman that handles the subpenas and scheduling is friends with my ex or something.

What would you do? If you don't understand something ask and I will explain.

2 sides to every situation.

I'm not gonna side either way here with thoughts or actions.


Just wanted to say that imho the most important thing is that you both settle this without making your kids feel like posessions or "property". Always worry about their emotional state regarding this mess.

Also, no matter how it turns out, never stop letting them know you love them.


Sorry for your suffering, honestly.


Be well.

X

I have been lucky enough to not get into this situation, so I am sorry I can't relate. Overall I get along with my ex's quite well.


However when I was reading my own court papers, I read that here in Minnesota when there is a custody battle, the court will usually assign a counselor to watch how each parent interacts with the child, and then the counselor reports his/her findings back in court. Since they are assigned by the court and not by the parents, they are as unbiased as possible.

Isn't there anyway something like that could be done in your situation?

I totally understand the skid mark thing, my son is 5 as well. They aren't expert wipers yet. I can't believe the courts wouldn't understand and realize that.

Originally posted by snowflake_obsidian
I have been lucky enough to not get into this situation, so I am sorry I can't relate. Overall I get along with my ex's quite well.


However when I was reading my own court papers, I read that here in Minnesota when there is a custody battle, the court will usually assign a counselor to watch how each parent interacts with the child, and then the counselor reports his/her findings back in court. Since they are assigned by the court and not by the parents, they are as unbiased as possible.

Isn't there anyway something like that could be done in your situation?

I totally understand the skid mark thing, my son is 5 as well. They aren't expert wipers yet. I can't believe the courts wouldn't understand and realize that.

that person is called a guardian ad litem, and it costs around 1000.00 here a 1000.00 that i don't have

It personally makes me sick that women can get away with this. I mean we talk about "equal rights" but this is "no rights". I'm not sexist, but why do women get custody of the children and then probably mess them up for life by not letting them see their dad. It is so horrible. If I was a woman who went through a divorce I would at least have the decency to let them see their dad. Makes me so mad how people can act in this immoral way legally.

Sorry to get a bit mad there but it's a subject of importance to me.

Since child custody cases are something I work on every day, perhaps I can give a little light on the situation.
First off, you said your ex is "unfit" and that is the reason behind your litigation. Exactly what deems her unfit in your eyes? Please keep in mind that, for the courts to change legal custody of a child, there must be a SUBSTANTIAL change of circumstances effecting the CHILD. Not just conflicts between you and her...it must effect the child. What you consider unfit behavior may not be what the court considers unfit behavior.
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.
Third, are you confident with your attorney's work on your case? Seems to me that he/she should have been better prepared with your witnesses. You can always fire him/her and get a more experienced attorney. You get what you pay for my friend!
Hope all goes well for you......

Originally posted by sdp333
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.

I don't think the child has a reliable point of view in these situations considering they are only a child. How can a baby be prejudiced for example?

Originally posted by Xeros

Originally posted by sdp333
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.

I don't think the child has a reliable point of view in these situations considering they are only a child. How can a baby be prejudiced for example?

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough on that....I meant a case involving a child. Remember, a custody case entails where the child will live, go to school, etc.....basically his/her whole life depends upon the litigation. So, if a judge is trying to speed up the docket, he or she may refuse to hear witnesses, shorten the trial time and thus, possibly, prejudice the child.
Sorry for the confusion....

Originally posted by sdp333

Originally posted by Xeros

Originally posted by sdp333
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.

I don't think the child has a reliable point of view in these situations considering they are only a child. How can a baby be prejudiced for example?

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough on that....I meant a case involving a child. Remember, a custody case entails where the child will live, go to school, etc.....basically his/her whole life depends upon the litigation. So, if a judge is trying to speed up the docket, he or she may refuse to hear witnesses, shorten the trial time and thus, possibly, prejudice the child.
Sorry for the confusion....

No, That's cool, I totally see you point

Originally posted by sdp333
Since child custody cases are something I work on every day, perhaps I can give a little light on the situation.
First off, you said your ex is "unfit" and that is the reason behind your litigation. Exactly what deems her unfit in your eyes? Please keep in mind that, for the courts to change legal custody of a child, there must be a SUBSTANTIAL change of circumstances effecting the CHILD. Not just conflicts between you and her...it must effect the child. What you consider unfit behavior may not be what the court considers unfit behavior.
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.
Third, are you confident with your attorney's work on your case? Seems to me that he/she should have been better prepared with your witnesses. You can always fire him/her and get a more experienced attorney. You get what you pay for my friend!
Hope all goes well for you......

He has been an attorney for over 30 years, and is damn good. My cause for calling her unfit is her living conditions. She lives in filth, food grinded in the floor molded, rotting, she takes the kids out at 2 in the morning to play in a parking lot while she drinks, things like that.

Originally posted by l0rds0fcha0s

Originally posted by sdp333
Since child custody cases are something I work on every day, perhaps I can give a little light on the situation.
First off, you said your ex is "unfit" and that is the reason behind your litigation. Exactly what deems her unfit in your eyes? Please keep in mind that, for the courts to change legal custody of a child, there must be a SUBSTANTIAL change of circumstances effecting the CHILD. Not just conflicts between you and her...it must effect the child. What you consider unfit behavior may not be what the court considers unfit behavior.
Secondly, scheduling conflicts in the court system come with the territory. They are just unavoidable in this day and age. Most judges have backlogged cases and are just trying to make their docket speed up. Unfortunately, a child may be prejudiced by these actions.
Third, are you confident with your attorney's work on your case? Seems to me that he/she should have been better prepared with your witnesses. You can always fire him/her and get a more experienced attorney. You get what you pay for my friend!
Hope all goes well for you......

He has been an attorney for over 30 years, and is damn good. My cause for calling her unfit is her living conditions. She lives in filth, food grinded in the floor molded, rotting, she takes the kids out at 2 in the morning to play in a parking lot while she drinks, things like that.

Yeah...sounds as though you have a great case for change of custody! Hope the proof you present at trial is solid stuff....

The only thing I could say (not being a parent myself) would be to find proof of her doing this. Could you hire like a P.I or something to monitor her over several days?

When I was a kid and my parents split up I was pretty lucky. They asked me where I wanted to go and I went. No fuss. And none of that 'justice' was involved. Its high time that the legal system realised that children aren't just blank slates ready to be imprinted upon, but are actually smarter than people realise and capable of making their own decisions.

I feel for you man, I really do. But the way our "egalitarian" society is set up (at least in terms of children) women always come out on top.

[edit on 21/7/06 by JackofBlades]