I Will Answer All Your Questions...

Originally posted by chebob
Who do you think would make the best cup of Tea: Margaret Thatcher, Fidel Castro or Chairman Mao?

Oh, hands down Chairman Mao. Cuban soil isn't that great for growing tea leaves, and from what I understand, the water isn't that great either. Margaret Thatcher couldn't brew a hot cuppa to save her life (that's what staff are for). Chairman Mao Tse-tung, though a communist, recognized art as a symbol of revolution and the art of Tea Ceremonies in China goes back many thousands of years.

Originally posted by dbrandt
Coke or Pepsi?

Coke, if you're American. Despite a taste test in the 1980's which showed people preferred the less acidic taste of Pepsi, when Coke attempted to change its formula to New Coke, which won by far in a taste test versus the "Old Coke" the nation became outraged. Coca Cola is as much a part of American culture as Gridiron Football and Hamburgers. The mere thought of changing it caused a helluva ruckus. Anyway. Play it safe. Choose Coke.

Originally posted by dbrandt
Ginger or Maryann?

Oddly enough, most people preferred Maryanne. Perhaps it was the friendly innocence of a country girl who wore tight clothing, or perhaps it was because Ginger was an annoying ass diva with no personality.

Originally posted by dbrandt
Who's Mrs. Beasley?

A doll carried by the character of Elizabeth 'Buffy' Patterson-Davis on Family Affair, played by Anissa Jones.



Keep them questions coming! I will answer anything and everything, muwahahahah!

What age was I when I accepted Christ as Savior?

Okay, two part answer to my first question. So here's another...

I don't want to wait until I retire to be a millionare, so

How can I get a million dollars by, say umm, this weekend?

Originally posted by dbrandt
What age was I when I accepted Christ as Savior?

Ah, a Born Again?

In that event you would have been 0 years old because you would have been reborn as a Christian. Though for some reason I think it had to do with a girl named Grace? I dunno about that one though.

Originally posted by elevatedone
Okay, two part answer to my first question. So here's another...

I don't want to wait until I retire to be a millionare, so

How can I get a million dollars by, say umm, this weekend?

Oh... in that case, you're pretty much screwed unless you can somehow rob a bank or transport truck. And most places won't have that much cash sitting idle anyway. I guess your only option would be to hit the Federal Reserve or become very good friends with the idle rich. You can't even fence a million-dollar item in one week.

If you are extremely talented and have just the right connections and enough time to do it in, you could, possibly, sell a work of art in that amount of time, but luck plays a large factor in that as well, and most likely they'd write you a check anyway, which wouldn't clear till the bank had done a thorough bc on it.

You could play the lottery, but you stand a better chance of being hit by lightning.

Last but not least... borrow about $30,000 and bet it all on #13 in roulette.

C'mon... more questions!

"Gravity's Rainbow": What the HELL was Pynchon on about?

Originally posted by yeahright
"Gravity's Rainbow": What the HELL was Pynchon on about?

Dude, I don't even think Pynchon knew quite what he was on about.

However, in a nutshell, the book is sorta based off the V2 rockets in WWII, while at the same time trying to break every standard convention in books at the time. As it was written in the early-sixties, this really isn't surprising. People were experimenting with everything from poetry to drugs to everything in between. Hell even Heinlein went loopy (see "The Cat Who Walks Through Walls"). Gravity's rainbow is an experimental piece where bits of text are removed or not even written (symbolic of the edited letters in WWII), where characters break out into a musical song and dance midstream, and where numerology dances with chapters to produce odd results.

In short, Gravity's Rainbow is about numerous experiments in published media and attempting to break the third curtain seperating the characters from the reader. The plot is, at best, a weak and inaccurate statement about misnamed and misunderstood technology that nearly changed the course of the war.


More Questions! I hunger for knowledge!

If Heisenberg was uncertain whether Schrodinger's cat was alive or dead and shaved it with Occam's razor, would Newton give a fig?

(okay...now I'm reaching. I'm done, I promise) :shk:

How many dogs do I have as pets?

Bluray or HD DVD?

Canh you give me a brief summary of the heirarchy of angels?

Can you make me an original Chuck Norris fact?

Ok...I have some questions...

Jadakiss "Why?"

Aha
It's dat real
Yo, why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets
Why is the industry designed to keep the artist in dept
And why them dudes ain't ridin' if there part of your set
And why they never get it poppin' but they party to death
Yea, and why they gon give you life for a murder
Turn around only give you eight months for a burner, it's goin down
Why they sellin' niggaz CD's for under a dime
If it's all love daddy why you come wit your nine
Why my niggaz ain't get that cake
Why is a brother up North better than Jordan
That ain't get that break
Why you ain't stackin' instead of tryin' to be fly
Why is rattin' at an all time high
Why are you even alive
Why they kill Tupac n' Chris
Why at the bar you ain't take straight shots instead of poppin Crist'
Why them bullets have to hit that door
Why did Kobe have to hit that raw
Why he kiss that whore
Why

Why would niggaz push pounds and powder
Why did bush knock down the towers
Why you around them cowards
Why Aaliyah have to take that flight
Why my nigga D ain't pull out his Ferrari
Why he take that bike
Why they gotta open your package and read your mail
Why they stop lettin' niggaz get degreez in jail
Why you gotta do eighty-five percent of your time
And why do niggaz lie in eighty-five percent of they rhymes
Why a nigga always want what he can't have
Why I can't come through in the pecan Jag
Why did crack have to hit so hard
Even though it's almost over
Why niggaz can't get no jobs
Why they come up wit the witness protection
Why they let the terminator win the election
Come on, pay attention
Why sell in the stores what you can sell in the streets
Why I say the hottest # but we sellin' the least

Uh, yea, yo
Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar
Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it
Why they didn't make the CL6 wit a clutch
And if you don't smoke why the hell you reachin' for my dutch
Why rap, cause I need air time
Why be on the curb wit a "while I" I need a beer sign
Why all the young niggaz is dyin'
Cause they moms at work, they pops is gone, they livin' wit iron
Why they ain't give us a cure for aids
Why my diesel have fiends in the spot on the floor for days
Why you screamin' like it's slug, it's only the hawk
Why my buzz in L.A. ain't like it is in New York
Why you forcin' you to be hard
Why ain't you a thug by choice
Why the whole world love my voice
Why try to tell 'em that it's the flow son
And you know why they made the new twenties
Cause I got all my old ones
That's why

Take your time...

who is going to win the soccer championship
please dude let it be germany



[edit on 29-6-2006 by Felii]

If I was born on Jupiter and died at the age of 8, how old would I be in Earth time?

what is the "green station wagon"

can you tie your shoelaces with out touching them, like me. an why not

whats the meaning to life the universe an everything. an it has to be answer in 1000 wordds or more,an lete combinations 4,2,24,or 42 can be in them

[edit on 30-6-2006 by DalairTheGreat]

Originally posted by yeahright
If Heisenberg was uncertain whether Schrodinger's cat was alive or dead and shaved it with Occam's razor, would Newton give a fig?

It is a little known fact that Newton hated figs with a passion. That his name was associated with an imitation fruit biscuit (it's not a cookie), would make cause him to roll in his grave. Newton only gave figs to his greatest of enemies, whom were all French except for one Anglican Bishop named Todd. As Heisenberg was definitely not French, nor an Anglican Bishop named Todd, it is a safe bet that he would not, in fact, have been presented with such a gauntlet by Newton.

Originally posted by dbrandt
How many dogs do I have as pets?

Trick question. You have no dogs, you are a cat person. And one of them just used your favorite towel as a litterbox.

Originally posted by Vegemite
Bluray or HD DVD?

HD DVD, to be sure. People prefer acronyms. Especially ones that incorporate something they already know. They know what HD is, they know what DVD is. The obvious selling power of something called an HD-DVD is too much for the average consumer to bear. Blue-ray could be 1000x better than HD-DVD, but it will fail just as Betamax did because of the name alone.

Originally posted by Vegemite
Canh you give me a brief summary of the heirarchy of angels?

In the past there were a multitude of names and hierarchies for each religion. However, ever since Heaven, Nirvanna, Valhallah, and various other subcontractors merged into Afterlife, Inc, there was a massive restructuring and rightsizing. Many older positions of angels have been let go, and newer, more relevant positions have been created.

The new hierarchy of angels for Afterlife, Inc. is as follows:

Chief Executive Deity (CED) - Chairman of the Board. Previously went by God and/or Goddess, Lord, Lady, etc... These various heads of smaller companies have been instead main chairpeople, and one elected head of the company overseas all vice presidential positions and projects throughout Afterlife, Inc.

Chief Information Angel (CIA) - Senior Executive Officer in charge of Research, Development, Market Demographics, and Trend Analysis. Their main duty is to oversee the newest trends in sins and virtues, develop new afterlives appropriate to these trends, and study the effectiveness of existing hells and heavens.

Chief Financial Angel (CFA) - Senior Executive Officer in charge of resources. Heavens and Hells don't grow on trees, you know.

Senior Vice President of Public Relations - Previously known as the Metatron, but due thanks to the advent of email, no one needs to worry about hearing the voice of the C.E.D. Thus, the Metatron was relegated to this position which is now in charge of organizing press junkets to the heads of various religions worldwide and updating them on the latest developments of Afterlife, Inc.

Senior VP of Sales and Marketing - Oversees the evangelism of all religions, keeping them focused on growth, as well as determining what level of donations are needed to maintain parity and liquidity.

Brass Management - Previously known as Seraphim, these lower executive positions report directly to either a Chief or a Vice President. Their job is to keep middle management focused and productive, and keeping the higher executives informed of their progress. They are also the ones with the hire/fire power. When the headcount must be reduced, it's the Brass Management that gets sent in.

Middle Management - Previously known as Hashmallim or Dominions, the jobs of these angels hasn't changed much. They squabble and lorde over the tiny bits of power doled out to them, making the lives of the grunts miserable, while simultaneously maintaining an obsequious relationship with brass management.

Security - Third lowest rung on the ladder of Angelhood, Security's job is to keep the riffraff out and to escort terminated Angels from the Afterlife.

Grunts - The lowest form of Angel, their jobs vary in tasks that, taken alone have zero meaning even to themselves, but when combined with the hundreds of thousands of other meaningless tasks, actually congeals into something cohesive, affectionately titled "The Plan".

Contractors - Clergy. The human outsourcing of Afterlife, Inc's project requirements. While not technically Angels, they will work long hours for their entire lives with none of the benefits of full-time employees. Though some handful will be hired on full time as a grunt, the majority will drift from location to location at the company's whim, following the carrot of a permanent job offer.

Originally posted by Vegemite
Can you make me an original Chuck Norris fact?

Chuck Norris can punch a beer so hard that it becomes vegemite.



I'll have to handle Truthseeka's multitude of questions in the next post.
In the meantime, keep them questions coming!

It took a while to isolate all the questions out of this rhyme, but here goes. The already answered questions or flat out statements have been deleted for brevity sake.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Yo, why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets

Actually it will soon be proven that, in fact, a teflon coated bullet is harder.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why is the industry designed to keep the artist in dept

Because if the artist was rich, he/she wouldn't need the industry.

Originally posted by truthseeka
And why them dudes ain't ridin' if there part of your set

They prefer to walk the walk.

Originally posted by truthseeka
And why they never get it poppin' but they party to death

They hate popcorn and thrive on fear-based culture.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Yea, and why they gon give you life for a murder

Because some states can't stomach the death penalty.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they sellin' niggaz CD's for under a dime

Sorry. That's how Columbia House rolls. If it's any consolation, cracka-ass cracka's get their CDs sold for under a dime as well. It's how they reel you in, before jacking up the prices on their wholesale selection of CDs.

Originally posted by truthseeka
If it's all love daddy why you come wit your nine

Some people love to bust caps.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why my niggaz ain't get that cake

There are a finite number to the pieces in any cake. Some people will have to go without. I'm sure some cracka-ass cracka's didn't get any cake either (note: Milton from Office Space, for instance).

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why is a brother up North better than Jordan
That ain't get that break

The NBA doesn't like to hire people with criminal history, they prefer to make criminal history after the player has gone pro.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why you ain't stackin' instead of tryin' to be fly

Because no one expects to live long enough to spend their savings.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why is rattin' at an all time high

Because people are sick and tired of living in a criminal world.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why are you even alive

Because my parents had a night of unprotected fun.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they kill Tupac n' Chris

Because they were faster with better aim.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why at the bar you ain't take straight shots instead of poppin Crist'

Liquor and guns don't mix.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why them bullets have to hit that door

Bad aim.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why did Kobe have to hit that raw
Why he kiss that whore

Hormones for whore moans.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why would niggaz push pounds and powder

Because no one here "gets" the metric system.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why did bush knock down the towers

I can neither confirm nor deny that question.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why you around them cowards

Because they make me look brave.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why Aaliyah have to take that flight

Because Grayhound SUCKS.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why my nigga D ain't pull out his Ferrari

He wanted to take the bike.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why he take that bike

Because it gets MUCH better mileage.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they gotta open your package and read your mail

Because, as crazy as it sounds, someone might otherwise slip weapons or other contraband into mail for a prisoner.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they stop lettin' niggaz get degreez in jail

Because it was easier to rob a store than meet scholarship requirements.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why you gotta do eighty-five percent of your time

Because 84% just isn't enough.

Originally posted by truthseeka
And why do niggaz lie in eighty-five percent of they rhymes

Because for some reason, rap ain't cool unless its about bitches, blunts, and 40's.
Oh yeah, and bustin' caps. Everyone loves bustin' caps.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why a nigga always want what he can't have

It's called Maslowe's Hierarchy of Needs, and it affects everyone. Read a book.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why I can't come through in the pecan Jag

They made a car out of nuts?

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why did crack have to hit so hard
Even though it's almost over

That's why they called it crack! If it didn't hit hard they'd have called it "hairline fracture".

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why niggaz can't get no jobs

Because you have to fill out a job application and show up for the interview on time.
Believe me, there's cracka-ass cracka's that can't do it either.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they come up wit the witness protection

Because when the mafia promised not to kill them before they could testify in trial, they kept their fingers crossed.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they let the terminator win the election

Because in a democratic society, you let the person with the most votes win.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why sell in the stores what you can sell in the streets

Because it's easier to find a store and it generally can hold more merchandise.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why I say the hottest # but we sellin' the least

Because it's summer. We're hot enough, thank you. But just you wait till winter.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar

She didn't. That was just a fringe benefit.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it

Again, not a requirement, it's a fringe benefit (see Rap above).

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they didn't make the CL6 wit a clutch

Forgetfulness.

Originally posted by truthseeka
And if you don't smoke why the hell you reachin' for my dutch

Well, when in Rome...

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why they ain't give us a cure for aids

Population control.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why my diesel have fiends in the spot on the floor for days

Ummm... maybe the oilpan is leaking? Try checking the master brake cylendar too.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why you screamin' like it's slug, it's only the hawk

Because you f---ing shot me! Either way it hurts!

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why my buzz in L.A. ain't like it is in New York

Because L.A. is a different target demographic. I'm sure you're not that hot in Mizoola, Montana either.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why you forcin' you to be hard

Because soft is squishie.

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why ain't you a thug by choice

Because you can't get a degree in prison.

(due to lack of space, the last 3 questions will have to be included in the next post)

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why the whole world love my voice

Personally I've never heard it, but perhaps it's all your fascinating questions?

Originally posted by truthseeka
Why try to tell 'em that it's the flow son

Because later you can say "I told you so."


On to the next questions...

Originally posted by Felii
who is going to win the soccer championship

Brazil. Sorry, man. Maybe next year will be Germany's year.

Originally posted by JackofBlades
If I was born on Jupiter and died at the age of 8, how old would I be in Earth time?

One Jovian year is roughly 11.862972 Earth years. Because both planets affect each other this is unfortunately as accurate a measure as we can get for purpose of simplifcation.

If you lived for 8 Jovian solar orbits, you'd be approximately 94.903776 years old in Earth time, or about 36 days before your 95th birthday.

Originally posted by DalairTheGreat
what is the "green station wagon"

A symbol of clueless motherhood. For instance, one is hanging out with friends when the mom in the green station wagon pulls up, rolls down her window, and shouts "Honey, come on, you'll be late for your clarinet lessons" or something equally humiliating.

Also a codename for whichever car is delivering the "tastyplant"

Originally posted by DalairTheGreat
can you tie your shoelaces with out touching them, like me. an why not

Yes, but it usually gives me a migraine.

Originally posted by DalairTheGreat
whats the meaning to life the universe an everything. an it has to be answer in 1000 wordds or more,an lete combinations 4,2,24,or 42 can be in them

(This one will obviously require its own post with those kinds of requirements)

Meanwhile, great Questions! Keep 'em coming!

Who is the character in my avatar?
What is the scientific name for the Xenomorph/Alien creatures from the Aliens saga?

Finally, just what the HELL is going on in Lost?

Originally posted by DalairTheGreat
whats the meaning to life the universe an everything. an it has to be answer in 1000 wordds or more,an lete combinations 4,2,24,or 42 can be in them

The meaning of life, the universe, and everything, is inertia.

Anything and everything seeks parity with the status quo: a moving object seeks to continue motion, an unmoving object seeks to remain still, fire seeks to continue burning, and so forth. Everything that has mass, has inertia (be it in motion or not). Fortunately the natural transfer of energy into different forms and its effect on inertia causes constant changes in the inertia of everything else in the universe. Even after the immediate ripple effect of the initial energy has long since become unnoticeable, it has set into effect countless other matter into their own patterns of energy exchange, which in turn effect others. This is commonly known as the butterfly effect, and commonly understated as a butterfly causing a hurricane, when in point of fact a butterfly could conceivably bring about the end of the world (though a hurricane is far more probable than an end-life event).

The reason for this is because of the nature of time, which is only observed through inertia of matter. We know time has passed because the relative position of the sun in the sky has changed due to the rotation of Earth, or because the hand of a clock has moved, or even because an object moving continues to move. If there were zero kinetic energy in the universe, time would cease to have any relevance or meaning, because there would be no change. However, kinetic energy exists because of the transfer of energy that takes place when the inertia of matter has changed. Thus, time may be seen as, literally, the Universe in motion.

Just as a thrown rock is no one single object, but rather a collection of countless particles, which are collections of atoms, which are collections of quarks, leptons, electrons, etc, a Universe is, from an outside point of view, one apparent object that is actually a collection of its sum total of parts. The movement of those parts, and indeed the universe itself, creates a vector.

One might be tempted to ask how the universe can be seen from an outside point of view if it is, in fact, the universe. The answer is gravity. All matter exhibits a gravitic effect on any other matter that is near enough. As star systems and galaxies maintain their shapes, two possibilities emerge: either gravity has the ability to reach an incredible distance, or that the collective overlapping of gravitic fields exponentially increases the area of effect. It is reasonable, therefore, to assume that 1.) a universe has a particular shape and 2.) with enough distance, the gravitic effect ceases to have influence. If such is the case, the shape of a universe is ultimately determined by motion and mass seeking to maintain its current parity and vector (as a universe is not likely to stay in one place with all that time passing).

Thus, at any given time, there exists the possibility of multiple universes that have absolutely no effect upon one another until such time as their vector of motion carries them within one another’s gravitic field, at which point the introduction of new mass and motion will seek the ideal shape and inertia before traveling onward as one universe. Because of the exponentially amplifying effect of gravity, one may also assume that universes will merge and a progressively faster rate until there truly is only one, or multiples traveling at vectors that will never intersect each others’ respective gravitic fields. Hence, parity is maintained. Through inertia, a universe will seek to continue the flow of time and matter in the most energy efficient vector and shape.

Inertia is universal to everything (animal, vegetable, mineral, and otherwise). It affects all states of matter (gas, liquid, solid, plasma) and even electromagnetic fields (which allegedly have no mass). Through proper calculation of inertia (chaos math) one may reasonably ascertain the future’s most probable outcomes with ease, as well as the most probable past. For instance, if I throw a rock across the room with all my might, I can reasonably assume the inertia will carry it towards the wall, and that the greater inertia of the wall will cause it to deflect in another direction. Were video footage of this frozen at one frame, a fraction of a second after the rock left my hand, the observer may determine from the single frame that the rock not only came from my hand, but also that I threw it, and that it’s most likely outcome will be a deflected position after contact with the wall.

If we are then to accept that the meaning of life, the universe, and everything is inertia, and that the answer to the universal question is 42, then we have a numerical representation as to why change exists despite the desire of all matter to remain at status quo. 42 is divisible by 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 14, 21, and 42.

There is one alleged universe. This is at the same time both true and untrue, representing the binary nature of the two realities. We cannot tell if our Universe is still in the process of merging with the other universes, or if it has already happened. All universes are either one, or will become one, or will remain separate, presenting us with ultimately three possibilities, creating a composite reality in which to exist. This is, however, the natural state, and thus, perfect. The smallest perfect composite number is six, yet mankind has developed the seven deadly sins to hide this perfection under a shroud of illusion. Just as six is the sum of the first three divisors, fourteen is the sum of the first three squares, hinting that mathematics does play a rather perfect universal role, though the rules tend to vary a bit. At the tender age of twenty-one, a human is expected to assume all duties and privileges of an adult. Ultimately, though, the reason forty-two is considered to be the answer to the universal question is that it is both the critical angle of light (which is as close to perfect inertia as is possibly known), and the number of teeth in the mouth of man’s best friend (reminding us that it can still bite us).

(1045 words per MS Word)

I have a question and it has been bothering me for years. Great sages have attempted to answer but alas no real answer (at least one I liked and/or agreed with).

The question is: If a tree falls on a mime in the woods and no one is around to hear, does anyone care?