advice on being happy?

i've been pretty depressed as long as i can remember. i acknowledge, starting today, that 90% of that is my own viewpoint on things, and i'd really like to change that. i have a good life, and all my complaints, while not completely unfounded, are often compounded by my own thought processes.

i'm going to see the shrink starting friday, so i'll have that.

what i'm curious about is if there's anyone here who once thought as i do now, and how they pulled themselves out of the proverbial hole. what made it easier for you to start accepting the good things in your life, and neglect all the piddly nonsense?

i feel as if i'm taking everything for granted, and i want to stop. it's not doing me any good.

short of meds and 'finding religion' (i'm agnostic and always will be), what are some things, excercises and the like, that i can do to better my outlook?

Well, there is no.....IM HAPPY NOW....its more of a collection of things.
I think you mean to be content with your surroundings. Its something that
everyone finds on there own, some things make some people happy while
others could care less. Depends on yourself. Its more of a question to ask
yourself if anything else. What makes you feel good ? What are you doing when
you feel content ? BTW people dont get happy all of the time, but many fill
their day with BS jokes to keep them in a state of happieness. Even though
its a false, it still keeps the chemicals going. I am most content when i build things.
Mostly Radio control boats, airplanes and helicopters. Not so much operating them
but building them, I could sit in my garage with a few beers and do it forever.
Dont know why, but ive found that is what makes me happy. I like sports too,
not so much watching but playing. Anyways im still finding things everyday that
make me happy or give me a diffrent view on life. You must ask yourself....what
am i doing, or when do i feel the best ???

it usually involves being around people i'm fond of - friends, family, loved ones...problem is that i don't like seeming co-dependent, and i live by myself.

you're right though...accomplishment sure doesn't hurt my mood any.

Choosing where you focus your attention is probably the best advice I can give (and you have already realized that). We all have 'good' things and 'bad' things in our lives. I've noticed that focusing on the 'negative' is sure to bring a person down. And focusing and being grateful for the 'positive' things will help pick a person up.

Years ago, I had to point out to my husband the beauty in how the tree meets the sky. Look at the brilliant green on the background of vibrant blue. How thankful can you be that you have sight? How fortunate you are to have your home, your family (whatever that looks like) a warm place to sleep, food to eat, love in your life. I mean, if you start looking around, you'll find all sorts of things to be grateful for. Your intelligence. The person you are.

Can you look in the mirror and truly APPRECIATE who you are? The choices you have made. Can you find something to be proud of about yourself? Write them down. And when the negative stuff comes in, just say that's not what you're looking for and move on.

Being happy isn't something that is bestowed upon you from some external person, place or situation. It's something you create. Happiness comes from within you. It's a decision you make. And soon, focusing on the wonder and beauty in your life becomes a habit. (As does focusing on the negative)

Here's an example of what I mean. Three things in my life that I have made focus choices about...

Some 'negative' stuff:
1. My husband has been in another state working for a year and 4 months.
2. I had breast cancer and had to have a full mastectomy.
3. I have a sciatica (lower back) condition that gives me constant, chronic pain. Sometimes (now) it 'flares up' and I'm out of commission for days and in GREAT pain.

Some 'positive' stuff:
1. My husband and I are more in love than EVER (after 15 years) and I am so proud of the hard work we've put into our marriage. We have not only survived this separation (which is ending very soon), we have thrived! Our love has grown.
2. I found the cancer in time to save my life. I am alive!
3. I'm so fortunate that I don't have to work outside the home so when my back does its thing, I have the luxury of just taking care of myself.

I think you'll agree that if I just read the first three over and over again and thought about them, I would soon be in a deep depression. But if I focused on the other three, I'm ready to jump for joy! My point is that finding and focusing of the positive leaves NO ROOM in my life for being depressed.

Now, I'm not saying I never get down. I do. But I make a choice every day to be happy and by now it's habit.

Don't know if this helps, but it's something to consider.

that's pretty much what i'm going to try to do. i'm sure i don't have enough paper for these lists, however...

thanks!

Maybe try some regular exorcize if you are not already.
I recently picked up bike riding and weight lifting. I can’t remember when I’ve felt this good.
Endorphin can really boost your mood .

Being happy is really easy...all you have to do is ACT like your happy. The more you act, and lie about being happy, the more you believe your own lies. You will actually at some point just completley forget about being depressed, and just start being happy as your natural reaction to anything that happens around you. I'm not saying this is the healthiest way to become happy, but it's definatley fast, and effective. When you find yourself thinking about depressing things, what I do is just say to myself "meh, who cares, doesn't matter", and almost immediatley I stop thinking about it, and put my mind on something else. Actually I've been doing it for so long, that now I have to constantly move my legs back and forth, and tap my fingers to help me not think about depressive things. The only time I actually do think of depressive things, is like after a sad movie or something...thats about it.

I completely agree with Umbax, too! Exercise and eating right, plus some meditation really feed the physical/spiritual side of happiness. Sometimes I forget about that part because I live SO much in my head.

I pretty much agree with what has been said before, just wanted to add, that learning or exploring something new and being involved in something so much, that you have no spare time also had helped me before. However, since I started exercising, I rarely feel depressed.

I was feeling mildly depressed most of the time, and i realised it was because of my lacking social skills. Not that I couldnt be around people, I just tended to be better off by myself alone. After consulting a therapist (Hypnosis actually, it worked wonders even though I didnt believe in it) my social life changed 180° and I started feeling a lot more happy than I have ever felt in my entire life. I realised that most of my new-found happiness was due to the joy I found in helping and caring for other people, and just making THEM happy. Its a great feeling which i throughly enjoy, and its the best thing that keeps me going.

Seeing one of my friends or people dont know smile because I do small things for them is some of the best thing I know now.. Its amazing..

But the point is, I found a thing that made me happy and then I kept doing it. You might want to look out for something similar and try doing it alot?


I hope Im not just rambling...

delay gratification, happiness is 5% doing stuff you like to do and 90% looking foward to it. If your looking foward to something it improves your outlook on evry thing else

Originally posted by Circa
Being happy is really easy...all you have to do is ACT like your happy. The more you act, and lie about being happy, the more you believe your own lies. You will actually at some point just completley forget about being depressed, and just start being happy as your natural reaction to anything that happens around you. I'm not saying this is the healthiest way to become happy, but it's definatley fast, and effective. When you find yourself thinking about depressing things, what I do is just say to myself "meh, who cares, doesn't matter", and almost immediatley I stop thinking about it, and put my mind on something else. Actually I've been doing it for so long, that now I have to constantly move my legs back and forth, and tap my fingers to help me not think about depressive things. The only time I actually do think of depressive things, is like after a sad movie or something...thats about it.

Sorry but it IS SOOOOOO unhealthy for the mind to constantly lie about emotions to itslef eventualy you will end up with a nervous breakdown when you cant keep yourself happy anymore

I've been diagnosed as 'clinically depressed', and the doc wanted to dope me up. I am opposed to using drugs for this, as any drug that affects mood is, in my opinion, like any other drug that affects mood. And it is a crutch. Sometimes necessary in an emergency, but not good for the long haul. In my opinion, treating depression long term with something like Paxil is just the same as treating it with something like Marijuana or alcohol. Not effective.

I totally agree with BH, in that it is what we put our focus on that draws our attention. So I've been practicing "What can I do right now to celebrate the good in my life?"

Sometimes it takes some digging to find something, but there always is something.

Other than that:

Watch your diet. I don't mean go on a diet, but do your best to eat good, healthy food. Junk food is called that for a reason.

As has been mentioned, exercise. For me, SOME degree of high energy, aerobic exercise everyday is best. If I miss that, I start to notice it pretty soon.

Meditation. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. One of my favorites is what I've heard called "breathing awareness" meditation. Just sit quietly and pay attention to your breath. Don't try to change it in any way, just 'watch' it.

Get enough sleep. This one sounds dumb to me sometimes, but it is important, I believe. What 'enough' is varies by individual, so figure out what 'enough' is for you, and do your best to get that much.

Of these, for me the most important is the exercise. I can miss on the others and feel OK for longer than when I miss on the exercise. May be different for you.

And Good On You! Being aware of it is a big step.

you know....i'm feeling a major difference, but here's what's up -

i'm happy with ME.

humanity...co-dependence is still causing me too think


i want corpses stacked around me so high i can't climb out. a message board is not going to help me, but you people are truly saints. i thank you from the bottom of my heart for trying to help.

as irreligious as i am, all that you can do is pray for me. this board has been more supportive and deserves more thanks than i can express.

i can't edit my posts?

ok, fine. i was way drunk last night. someone should have unplugged my computer.

Wrong thread >_<

[edit on 19/7/06 by Thain Esh Kelch]

Honestly. Maybe the answer is where you fear to tread. From your post, you are obviously fighting something in you right now. I know you don't want a religous answer but visiting a church or two shouldn't hurt. You are an avowed agnostic anyways. They're gonna attempt to brainwash you into some ridiculous religous mambo jambo but wouldn't hurt. Might learn something. Ancients weren't all stupid. It's about you.

I was depressed most of my life, since I was a child, throughout the teen years, and into adulthood. I'm happy now, and this is what I've discovered....

#1 - Like who you are. If you don't, then it's time to get to work. For you however, 25c, it sounds like you have that covered already. Which is good because that's probably the most important.

#2 - Have a healthy perspective on life. Always do what you feel is right, and if life gets rough don't blame yourself. After all, if you did what you thought was right at the moment, you can't do anything else but live and learn. Sometimes bad things happen for a reason, which makes them really not that bad at all.

#3 - Find a purpose. For some, this might involve having a family/kids, but not all of us are so blessed. If you have time, joining a volunteer organization would be a very fulfilling way to spend your spare time (assuming you have any spare time).

#4 - Keep busy. Boredom leads to depression. Set goals. Even if you've already done everything you've planned to do with your life, you can always set new goals.

#5 - Don't associate a bad feeling with self-esteem. Sometimes our brains just go out of whack and we start to feel depressed. Something to do with a chemical in the brain (or lack of). Just keep that in mind and don't attach any of those bad feelings to your life. Otherwise it creates a vicious circle, or downward spiral even. Very bad. I've been there many times.

Hope it helps. Like I said, I've been there. Best of luck.