Rules for the non-military

I received this from a Navy SEALs mailing list and thought it was funny enough to pass on. I had to clean it up a bit to pass the censors here, so if you have seen it elsewhere, it probably was a bit rougher in the language department.

Even though it is written a bit tongue-in-cheek, I think it still has a lot of genuine feeling to it.

Dear Civilians,
We know that the current state of affairs in our great
nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few
of the areas where we would like your assistance:


1. The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the
playing of the National Anthem---kick their butt.

2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in
protest---kick their butt.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise,
quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the
very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many
sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them
down while a disabled veteran kicks their butt.

4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you
were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling
others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia,
might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make
you look stupid and get your butt kicked.

5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do
you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance
deserves a butt-kicking (children are exempt).

6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military',
inform them of their mistake---and kick their butt.

7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on
your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart.
Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying
her---of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe
butt-kicking.

8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran.
We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party
affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief
(CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC
regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens
inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they
call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the
same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your butt kicked!

9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me---stop saying
it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore, could kick
your butt!

10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's
go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are
not standard issue in the military. That reminds me---if you see anyone
calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick
their butt!

11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid'
(Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we
use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you
have not earned the right to use them. That could get your butt kicked.

12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the
military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and
religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that
there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far
from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our
military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country
would get its butt kicked."

13. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national
anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR BUTT - OR CALL ME AND I WILL KICK THEIR
BUTT!

Remember, it is the Veteran, not the reporter who has given us the
freedom of the press.
It is the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the
freedom of speech.
It is the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who gives us
the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the
flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the
protester to burn the flag."

JDub

In the same line of idea, tips when rejoining the civilian world.

1. I am in the military, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery...

2. Speech:

• Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
  
• Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.
  
• "F *ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
  
• Grunting is not talking.
  
• It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
  
• People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC
  

3. Style:

• Do not put creases in your jeans.
  
• Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
  
• A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
  
• A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
  
• So does a low reg, but not as bad.
  
• A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
  
• you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
  

4. Women:

• Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
  
• Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
  
• Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.
  

5. Personal accomplishments:

• In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.
  
• Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
  
• How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
  
• The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.
  

6. Drinking:

• In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"
  
• That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
  
• That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter
  

6. Bodily functions:

• Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
  
• The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
  
• You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is
  
• VD will also not be funny
  

7. The human body:

• Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.
  

8. Spending habits:

• One day, you will have to pay bills
  
• Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
  
• Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
  
• One day you will need health insurance
  

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

• Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.
  

10. Real jobs:

• They really can fire you.
  
• On the flip side you really can quit.
  
• Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.
  
• Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
  
• Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800
  

11. The Law:

• Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
  
• Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested
  
• Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
  
• Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.
  

12. General knowledge:

• You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
  
• Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
  
• They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
  
• Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.
  

Ufia -

That one was a good one, too!

JDub

Being a Vet I really enjoyed the "Rules for the non-military" I take a lot of those to heart as do many others who served.

As for ufia's post. That's funny. I remember the culture shock I had when I separated after 4 years. It would be like moving to another planet if one stayed in 20 or 25 years, retired, then suddenly were trying to get a little job to pass the time.


Pass

Good one, i enjoyed that....I wish the situation over here was like what youve got in the US. Basically, our squaddies are victimised for being part of the army. Many bars, pubs and clubs dont welcome squads of soldiers, or even a small group (say 2-4), and are usually kicked out, and then kicked in. And these are the same guys who have just come back from Iraq or Afghanistan, where there lives were a daily regimen of fear and attack, and the 'Great' British public dont even afford them the respect they deserve...it makes me sick.