I need some help figuring this out

You really are at a good place in dealing with your situation.

The help you've received from your friends and counselors have provided you with a nice set of tools/mental imaging framework that have gotten you most of the way up the hill...

In rereading your answers to my question dealing with if you were 'functional', a couple of more questions popped up... (naturally ). Keeping in mind we are in a forum could you give me a quick sketch of how the rest of your day fills in...

Are you able to work/participate in an activity that satisfies you professionally? Has your gift left any room for your personal life?

Last question, you don't seem to be too many years removed from your 40th birthday. Can you tell/do you feel if this is having any negative impact on what you are dealing with?

You might think what I am going to tell you is strange... But I think your creative side, as it expresses itself in your photo journal/cognitive worksheets, is trying to tell you something...

It is talking to you... And THAT is a good thing.

What we are headed towards is pushing the rock over the hill then going on to NEW things... And getting off of the Sysiphusian merry go round of pushing the same rock up the same hill... every day...

What do you think?

[edit on 29-5-2006 by golemina]

As an info junkie I tend to learn things rapidly. I am generally in Customer Services on the high tech side. I'm a geek.

This is where I experience the most dis-satisfaction - to make money I haven't been terribly picky about contracts. I even ventured into childcare and although I adore kids, it's not my calling.

I feel bombarded with choices. That's very sad (sarcastic) as most people tend to gravitate to one particular area of talent.

I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Money isn't my motivator, I am very simplistic and find real happiness in some fairly low end , economic means

I do know that I won't be getting absorbed/assimilated into another job. I need something I can take or leave.

I still have problems/worry about the whole issue of being fractured - one person at work another at home, another still as a mother and so on. I've worked hard to have the real me finally stand up and be complete. I worry about how a full time job will affect me. I need to work and be useful feel useful in a societal way and I like to feel as though I actually "did" something during the day.

Right now life is mundane and pretty low key

Sometimes people with special talents have different wiring than others. I one read of a woman who could see colors with music, and as it turned out her neuron paths in her brain for audio and visual were so close to each other there was energy bleeding through between the two. Your case may be connected with smell or some other sensory faculty. The fact that your experience with this changed over time could just mean that the physiology of you body is changing with age.

Then it could be something completely different, but that is my take at this point in time.

So what's up?

I've been thinking about this a couple of days. We, actually intuiting... But that's another story if you get my drift.

And of course I've got more questions...

What do you think is fun? What do you actually to do for fun? Do you have fun?

From your info block, I see you live in Vancouver BC. That has got to be one of the most beautiful places on the face of this planet. In so many ways... Are you in any way able to take advantage of your location? Or does this really serve as just a static background/setting that doesn't play into your situation?

Lastly, do you do anything 'physical'. Such as sports, walking, dancing (its been a while, but there's supposedly an active 'nightclub scene'... true in any city/town ), etc.?

And... (Hey I lied!) What is the impact on you of music? In any, way, shape or form.

I suppose you can see there is an underlying theme to these questions.

I adore Vancouver. You know when my kid was only three I packed up and moved here without knowing a sole...it amazes me still - that is truly the only impulsive thing I've ever done and it was awesome for my kid!!

We walk everywhere. I'm a former track star LOL so my physical self is in good form. I try to indulge my creative side although I with the onset of the anxieties I gave up public singing - I still write my own songs.

Fun? I am very fortunate in that, as I stated, fun for me can be just about anything. Simple pleasures.

No bars or nightclubs - I'm an abstainer and hey if I ain't getting sauced I sure don't want to watch others get hooped LMAO. Bars are icky and loud...I like a more mellow scene - a coffee shop with a nice view of the ocean is more my style.

I don't really suffer boredom unless there's a TV on somewhere.

I read voraciously - everything, and anything.

I have never felt lonely a day in my life. Isolated yes, but not lonely. Now saying that, I do MISS people, but being on my own - solitary and left to my own devices I'm quite happy.

In fact that is why it was so hard in the beginning for my friends to decipher what was "normal" and what was "illness" when I would start isolating myself...I do this naturally LOL.

I feel like a kid learning about the world almost all the time. I can spend hours combing the beach - I'm tactile and have to touch everything.

Thank goodness for my daughter or I could really become quite ecentric (HA HA HA!)

I've done so much soul searching in the past 6 years, felt damn sorry for myself, learned how to cope properly as opposed to shrugging things off, focused on myself and actually been much kinder to myself lately.

Is it possible for a paranormal aspect of one's life to start screaming for inclusion? Hypothetically, if I actually take some time, to investigate, learn and then incorporate this aura thing into my life is it possible it will subside enough that I won't be bombarded? Will it become like other things - called upon when needed and otherwise quiet when not needed?

For example: When I first started suffering really badly, I quit my band and hung up my microphone. I suffered enormous depression as a result. A few years later, I started writing again and although not singing publicly, I do still sing...less depression. Same can be said for getting out of the house and visiting. Excercise , drawing and painting, writing...etc etc... maybe the aura thing is just begging to be addressed too.

Musically: to be 100% honest I'm a noise Nazi. I dunno if it's just me, but this is a damn noisy world, and when I can take advantage of silence I do. I have unuasually good hearing (yes I've had it tested and it is well above average). The same with my sense of smell and eyesight (near 20/20 in both eyes!). At 37 I'm in a sort of holding pattern I guess...nothing degrading as yet

I guess with my request to help figure this out - I'm coming to a sort of epiphany on my own.

Whatcha thinkin'?

Hi JustGeneric!

I'm thinking you're kicking my axx!



At least, the situation with regards to your gift.

I'm checking with my various resources... and for a variety of reasons... It hasn't happened yet.

You know that EUREKA moment! Your situation is/you are somewhat of an enigma.

Just a little background to somewhat explain my babblings.

I work with autistic children. Long story short is... There is this one little boy. He's got this fantastic little gleam in his eye. He's bright. Totally nonverbal. He was evaluated... come back with an IQ of 68. Parents are really upset. I get a shot at this little boy.

A long while latter... The parents are quite frankly getting a little tired of my arrogance and what 'establishment' guys are laughing at my nutjob contention that "there's a real little boy in there... somewhere".

Their basic premise is he didn't start speaking early enough on... (It's this ridiculous notion of hearing proto words/sounds... as in building blocks to what becomes language). They want to put him in their program, to turn him into a trained monkey.

I'm saying BS. We put him in a superrich environment, driven by his high interest/desires, get him to continually interact, speech will follow.

Anyhow, our little guy loves kids cartoon movies. He's making what the parents view as guttural sounds... and it's music to my ears. But I am running out of time.

He keeps going into this one room and saying "warenabzzzzzz". The parents are worried he's comes off like a little wild savage boy. I'm totally out of time, he's going to get put in public school...

He's doing fantastic things. Knows three computer OSs. He's just not verbal. I need a break... I'm desperately need a meaningful interaction.

I just can't crack it. I can barely say it. Trying to find the break on the phonemes... Can't. He tapers off so much... I can NOT figure out "warenabzzzzzz".

I'm down to stalking him in his play routine and take my best "warenabzzzzzz" shot. He goes into that particular room. Says it. I say it back looking into his eyes (he doesn't so much mind the eye contact). He walks over to this large ceramic elephant and says it again.

Huh? I am SO clueless. I say "warenabzzzzzz". He keeps looking at this ceramic and says it again... this time he points. I look.

It takes me a minute... But SOAB! Right there hidden/embedded in the ceramic blanket pattern is a 'Warner Brothers' logo. The colors are almost a perfect match.

With the biggest smile ever recorded on a human face... I say Warner Brothers. He answers back, not as well... But you can quess the rest.

I'm quite frankly looking foward to that Eureka! moment for you. A friend of mine has a good friend that shares your gift, I'm waiting for an introduction. I won't bore you right now with my line of inquiry.

But hey... as long as I'm waiting, can I ask you some more questions?

Track star... Really? Awesome. What distance(s) did you run?

The nightclub thing was not so much about partying (and drinking ), but more about the camaraderie of hanging out with your friends and the hemispherical integration that occurs with most physical activities... dancing.

I'm wondering if you're Jonesing for the soothing result of your former track training. How do the timelines compare with your ending your training and the start of the onset of your gift?

How's your circadian cycles... How's your sleeping? Do you have trouble going to sleep? Or if you wake up, trouble getting back to sleep?

You were in a band?

I guess it would be somewhat of an understatement to say that you are multi-talented.

I'll have some more questions after I talk to this person that reads auras. I've never met her. She is always freaking someone out with her 'inside' information... And I guess it runs in her family.

Talk to you soon.

If you want to know more about what is happening to you(although this further enrichment will only amplify your abilities, so be warned if this current "happening" is bothering you too much) then read Biology of Transcendance, anything about ug krishnamurti's calamity, Book of Secrets, and find a description of how to do Bodhidharma's standing meditaton correctly. If this is actually happening to you then you should know that it is totally natural and is by no means getting ready to stop. Thought will get you nowhere. If thinking worked, it would have worked by now.

At 11 years of age I was offered training with a former Olympic Coach - my deal was 100M/200M & relay - I'm a cheeta I lived in Palm Springs CA at the time and was also offered a scholarship through the PS Museum of Art...

I was in choir and we won awards...

I dropped out of all of it. My mother was akin to a Pageant Mother...it ceased to be fun and I am motivated by endorphins and if it isn't fun I damn well ain't gonna do it.

My mother followed all praise with a HUGE "BUT" and when you're an akward inverted, scrawny, freckled, red-head with front teeth bigger than Melissa Gilbert's in Little house on the Prairie...praise must be genuine if it comes at all.

I ended up going from a short leash with my Mother to "enough rope to hang myself" with my Dad...

13-16 - a drug induced blank.

17 - into a great job, great goals, great fun -sober I was so "normal" it wasn't funny. Except for ONCE dating Chris Benoit the wrrstler LMAO I was quite practical.

Went to a Wilderness camp for a kick after going to S.A.I.T to become a Chef...Pastries was my hobby

Met my daughter's father there... fate stepped in and I stepped out straight into Motherhood at 20. Single Motherhood after very narrowly escaping marriage to him (then a US Marine and with ideas of having a small army of kids and living in base housing forever and ever and ever...WHEW!)

Being a Mom was everything I never knew I wanted! I was in absolute awe of my kid and still am.

At about 25-26 the aura thing started...my daughter was five...by the time she was seven I could "read" the auras well enough to understand I didn't like it much. The novelty wore off and it stopped being a "kick" to have insight into things I didn't feel entitled to know about people I barely knew or knew not at all.

My daughter and I have had the same GP since she was three 1/2...so my GP is familiar with it and so are the other two docs in her office that I have seen on occasion (Family practice clinic).

We were still getting my kiddo organized, my BF/friend was in my band, I was working at the daycare and running my own businesses (Janitorial and Desktop Publishing and Admin from home)...it was busy, and I KNEW something was up...but I figured I just had to suck it up - felt I was too much in demand and had no time for me. Actually, I don't think I even stopped to consider myself in the equation at all.

Fate has a way of making you take notice. So after I really began having problems I sold off my clients and shot down my SOHO and took a 9-5. Ended up doing everything and anything with no limits...they just kept giving me more and more - because I could do it. Until one day I couldn't do it anymore and locked myself in the bathroom for three and a half hours unable to stop bawling.

The auras compound the anxiety I already had OR the auras preceeded the anxiety I had - I'm undecided as to which came first. All I know is that I'm a different person from how I was nearly 12 years ago (aren't we all?)

LMAO - we're going to have to rename this thread the "Life and Times of Just Generic"... all comes out in the wash I suppose... It also helps put things into perspective as well... I still get to maintain some annonymity as an aside

11:39 and no kid tonight so I'm eating junk food and crashing with a good murder mystery

Cheers

justgeneric

Well if it makes you feel anybetter, I share you ability. However I have had this ability Since Birth, I also see in Color. Extreme COLOR! It has never bothered me until I get too near someone, then I can get very sick. There are other abilities that I also have. If you'd like to u2u me I can go into detail. Till then good luck dealing. And it gets easier when you learn to control it.

Later, S

a lot of similarities with others, including the anxiety

I do realize that in investigating it and learning more about it I might actually define the "talent". That's okay I suppose so long as I can learn to control it. I'm still hoping it'll just go away at some point, but I think that's a bit of a long shot.

I will read anything relative to auras so long as it's not really cheesy LOL.

Meditation techniques/relaxation techniques are desperately needed and welcomed as well...I've been "playing" with the RVing stuff and find it really slows me down mentally which is refreshing. I've also been sleeping much better and having some really vivid dreams which I haven't been having lately.

It's still difficult to learn to incorporate this stuff into a highly pragmatic and skeptical mind...I'm trying to NOT focus so intently on it when out unless I want to...like yesterday. It wasn't traumatic as usual which could be a factor of having my friend with me and being in a comfort zone.

I'm over there for dinner and I'm going to practice a bit with her family.

My daughter thinks it kinda cool as I was telling her about it today when she got home.

I'll do some more reading tonight and thank you very much for the info!!

As for colours - my goodness! I have enough trouble with just the white aura!

I'm also going to see if I can scan some of my cognative worksheets for readers here, as it really has some great info for relaxation techniques and info on how the softwiring of the brain occurs when learning/relearning responses to fear/pleasure etc etc (it's all controlled by the same regions in the brain - I'm thinking it's quite pertinant to these kinds of "talents")

I am really encouraged by the responses to this thread. Still feel like a bit of a freak but with good company

Anxiety...Anxiety...Anxiety...

Oh yes, Fear of the unknown. Not knowing what you are seeing and not understanding it... That is where I stand. And the other "Gifts" that came along with the Aura's Would be visions. Sometimes my friends won't even have to tell me what they are thinking, I can just 'see' it. Most people think I'm crazy so I tend to stay in my own little world. Some days the energy within me is so strong I can't go outside the house, which is a real bummer when you have a spirited 2 year old. Its just intense flashes inside my head. For the longest time I just though I had a very vivid imagination. Not true I learned. I do have a mentor, she has helped me through so much of this. Maybe find someone 'like' you that is near you, and that could help. I know you probably think its crazy, find someone!! But believe me when you are ready that door will be opened. And they will find you. Well best of luck with your reading.

S

Hello Just
A very wholesome thread. It has made me smile down the road as you started out bannishing ATS and now you are actually speaking to us.
You are a remarkable person I must say.

I do not see auras but I am an Empath a person who has the ability/curse to percieve illness, emotions, intentions and I also sence the purpose of people.
I was agrophobic for years. Horrid. I would have done anything to rid myself of this.
Now it is my friend, well not always, but I can "almost" control it. My husband has this ability too so we support each other.
We are ordinary down to earth people no drugs just the daily rutine trying to incorparate these extraordinary abilities.
WIS

It seems quite a few people with some odd talents are also shaaring the same load of anxiety on top of the abilities.

For the agoraphobia I do know it is a anomalous illness in that it is both self centred and people centred all in the same instance.

In saying that I must also point out (and offer a pat on the back to sufferers) we are some of the most sensitive and genuine folks out there. Because we focus so much attention on others as a mainstay of the illness (agoraphobia/panic/anxiety/social anxiety)...

So much of what makes us tick seems to focus on how we affect/relate to others. Naturally it comes with a slew of nasties - like depression, frustrations and additional phobias generally are present as well (me it's human germs, heights and driving...as well as elevator fears (only when others are in with me)...

So many people now adays seems to be developing anxieties...in our attempts to become individuals and take ourselves out of context...nature it seems is determined to remind us we are all connected - what better way than making us focus intently on what and who is around us - albeit a bit of a dirty trick.

EDITED to add: belated hellos to others Pleasure reading your thoughts on this!!!!

neurocardiology - while I do share the same interest in firing neurons and I am definitely going to see what I can find about the Guru you posted, I'm not as agreeable to the heart playing much of a role in these matters. The heart is ruled by the head and fact is the heart can die while the brain continues on for what would seem an amazing amount of time...thanks for your insight and input however and for the reading material I am about to read thanks to your direction

Cheers!

[edit on 6/5/2006 by justgeneric]

The heart is the FIRST thing that forms in ALL humans. From what we can tell "life" begins when an electromagnetic field forms around the simple grouping of neurons that eventually forms fully into our hearts. The brain comes after. The electromagnetic field matches the mothers and learns to beat that way- by copying the mothers. The heart is first- in fact, the field you say you are seeing are the heart waves radiating out from the body. They are tremendously strong- people's hearts entrain as far away as 12 feet and almost immediately with physical contact. The Book of Secrets is really the ultimate in mediation guides. Please get it.

Kitty... Kitty... Kitty...

No Kitty Kitty! Bad Kitty! Bad Kitty!

Hey! I sometimes watch South Park...



I got the feedback I was looking for, but before we get into that if it's OK with you, I thought I would clear the cache of questions and hmms that have accumulated in the meanwhile...

Someone had made a suggestion just a ways back and you said something to effect about trying it... If it wasn't too 'cheesy'. What did you mean by that?

I presume, correct me if I'm wrong, that you have accepted what is happening to you (to a certain degree ), that it is not some trick or your imagination as some psychobabble types in the medical field might try to put it somewhere in the delusional camp, right?

Keeping that in mind, you don't have any some type of religious belief that would cause a conflict/be in conflict with suggestions of mental and what have you exercises, do you?

Have you heard that saying something along the lines of... Friends (may) come and go but enemies are forever!

That should be the very first line in the handbook of life...



Anyhow, do you have something along those lines? Most especially someone that was close to you and then things went sideways, and you (or they ), one-sided or two- sided, have a long going animosity, emphasis on the more intense.

One of my pet truisms I've been heard to mutter goes something along the lines of you can't swing a dead cat without hitting an autistic child...

Have you ever had the occasion to use your gift in the promixity of such a child... And if so, what did you see?

Lastly... You've been at this for a while... And, being in the front row the way you are, no one has had a better view of events. I know that you have seriously pondered this very subject...

Why do you think... or if you were to hazard a guess do you think is the reason that this problem hasn't yet been resolved?

You know one of my therapists was a male. Now while I have no problem with a male psychologist persay, there is a certain "attribute" most male psychologists share and that is an annoying personality flaw most easily characterized by "tone of voice".

It's frigging creapy to be honest. Males are quite capable of being empathetic, altruistic and sensitive...but this "typical male psychologist" has such a drippy, sweet, anti-freudian moosh about them... it makes me feel violent.

Put that into a book or other self help literary supplement and that's what I mean by "cheesy".

Patronizing psychofluff akin to a pat on the proverbial head. ICK!

Religion? Hmmmm...nope not me. Spared the Roman Catholic treatment as my mother suddenly became "earth Mother artiste`" in the late 60's before I was born. Raised with an aside of Catholocism to appease my father but alas I was kicked out of Sunday school I don't recall what for but I'm certain it had something to do with elastics and someone's eye

No religious hurdles here. Spiritualism abounds and hail hail neither god nor satan resides near me.

Seeing auras of autistic kids. Nope. Seeing auras of kids in general yes, some special needs kids, mostly behavioral. Kids are quite different and I'm not certain why...

As for my mental block in dealing with the auras...good old fashioned denial I surmise. It didn't fit with anything within the confines of "normal" and it doesn't fit within the confines of "abnormal" (as dictated by the shrinks of this century).

In order to be classified insane now adays one must jump through an inumerable number of hoops, and meet a ridiculous number of nitpicky prerequisites and conditionary symptoms. Truly unfair when one is looking for something to explain away an oddity or quirk. Really.

I can't say I'm coming to terms with it. I acknowledge it and of late I have even "played" with it and tested it out with friends and family. I have no better understanding of it of itself, but I do have a better understanding of perhaps "why" it happens. That's a place to start.

In dealing with children I find I rely moreso on intuition than what I see. The auras for kids are different...they don't appear as anomalous as adult auras...and honestly I try not to stare at kids as it's kind of creepy. I stare at my own and she's nearly an adult and I have seen her aura change over time. Hers is again, different because I live with her...it doesn't stand out like an unknown person's does.

I have a theory about it - the difference between kids and adults and their auras... I'll share later if you're interested, I'd like to get other opinions or experiences from aura readers too...see if my theory hits any marks

My persoanl belief in children is that, they are creatures worthy of awe. So much potential crammed into such small forms...regardless of damage or deformity to the form...the potential is there.

Autistic kids are far from lost. In their own minds they are completely found. The trick is to get in there with them rather than force them out here with us

There is also a saying - know thy enemy It has many practical applications especially when dealing with special needs kids

As for me and mine enemies? Only myself and that's plenty.

How's your weekend JustGeneric?

The responses from your last post lead to more questions than answers...

But first...

Is this a new wrinkle? Borrowing from a different thread... I don't seem to recall you mentioning Sleep Paralysis/Abduction 'dreams' before.

Any comments you care to share here?

Not new wrinkle - an old one

Trying to "deal" with one oddity at a time.

Quite a bit ago, when I first joined I introduced myself as an "abductee" and/or former sufferer of sleep paralysis. The phenomina (if that's what it was) ended where the auras picked up when I was 25.

The bizarre sleep disturbances can be explained although I still have nagging doubts. Mainly because of all that I've read on sleep disturbances such as sleep paralysis. I haven't had an occurance in the past 11 years. Not a one.

I still read up on abductions AND sleep paralysis and am still on the proverbial fence.

Because my memories of, and during those episodes is sketchy and fragmented (although I did make notes on some) I don't feel confident in saying with any absolution that I am an "abductee". My skeptic's mind won't allow it The only "alien" related thing I can honestly say I firmly believe was real was my first sighting of a UFO at age six. That particular memory remains as clear as when it happened. Never faded as most memories do, and the feeling of absolute calm (like a heartfelt sigh) still accompanies the memory. Although at 6, I didn't ask what it was or what it wasn't. I felt no compulsion, as I do now, to disect it. It was what it was and it always stayed true.

Episodic missing time - who the hell knows? I did some nasty acid back in my early teens - for all I know I was jonesing. LMAO

The auras are definite. Proven. Continuous. Require no brain wracking to recall. Not that they are any more believable in the context of a forum than abductions...just that I KNOW for certain, with 100% conviction and confidence that the auras are real.

I can only speculate as to the whys and what ifs of any correlation between the end of the sleep weirdness to the beginning of the auras.

You think you've got questions!

Recently, one of the kids I give respite care to, was diagnosed with a severe and nearly complete hearing loss. I saw absolutely nothing in her little aura that indicated anything, it was intuitive - I chalked it up to simply understanding how babies grow and respond and lear during the first months of life. No real paranormal requirements there.

The boy, again...I had always thought him to be the picture of perfect health - and nothing in his aura is indicative of any illness or pain or otherwise.

Recently after a lot of Xrays - a MRI and ultrasound - the boy turns out to have a very rare cyst on a gland in his throat (it's a gland all infants are born with and over time is absorbed into the body) this cyst has constricted his trachia and eusophogas (sp?) and all this time we figured it was a nasty flu?

Now I'm hell bent to try to figure out WHY I can see adult auras and all their torment (sarcasm) but infants and toddlers show nadda.

I can see the auras on the babes - but it is totally different than waht I see in adults. This is really a revelation for me - I've been "ignoring" the whole thing for so long, I never really stopped to evaluate it or exactly what it means or what differences there are that I might possible start charting or measuring...

I sat the kids on the weekend and really spent a lot of time (one is nearly walking so damn straight I watched like a hawk!) watching the little ones and trying to pick out anything odd or anything comparable to an adult aura. There wasn't anything. Just a happy little aura around each kiddo...I must admit that it was very NICE, however I find it curious.

I also focused on my daughter's aura and saw some things...pooled around her feet and her hands...personal stuff that she's kept from me quite effectively (I honsetly had no idea and we TALK all the time!) so I'm glad I pressed her about things...she figured I was onto something so she let it out Nothing really bad, just personal stresses of a teenage girl with absent father syndrome and a lot of anxiety!

Anyway, I'm really going to be trying NOT to ignore this so much. I still find it a real pain but I'm curious as to the adult/child differences in what I see and sense.