Something I wrote...Tell me what you think.

This is something I wrote and wanted to post it here to see what others thought. After it's been here for a while I'll post my explanation of it and the special features that it includes. So please comment if you'd like cause I'd like to know if others see the same things I do. Thanx. Enjoy.
mOjOm

In the beginning I lived alone. Unshared and unsharing was fine as there was nothing to compare it to. Nothing to measure it against. I lived in the deepest most lonesome hole, never looking for a way out because there was never a reason to leave. Until the day came and for some reason I found an adventure. A dangerous yet possible climb out of the hole. At the end, what seemed to be a Utopia I never believed existed. So I climbed. One obstacle after another...

Sometimes the climb was easy. There was always a firm, trusted grip to hang on and a variety of trusted footings to stand upon. Almost like the mountainess walls were actually helping as I climbed. But then sometimes the climb was not so easy. The rough, cold rock face crumbled between fingers and fell from beneath. Sometimes all I could do was to hold on and try not to think about the fall. I held on to the faith and hope that I could still make it. It seemed to be destiny that I could earn it as long as I kept trying...

Eventually the time came when all I had was the climb ahead and the distance travled. Looking back I noticed I could no longer see where I started. I could no longer see the calm, quiet, lonely place from which I came. I could no longer see the bottom. The hole that was once home, isolated and known, now a dark open mouth waiting below. Waiting for the hard and fast decent back in to it. That was when fear and confusion set in. When I went so far ahead I could no longer find the way back. I knew there was no climbing down, just falling...

I thought about each day of the journey. I thought of the happiness I felt when I first grabbed hold of this path that could lead to an indescribable enlightenment. I thought about the first steps of the climb and how much I wanted to be there. How the walls themselves wanted to be climbed and the path followed. But also that the climb was by invitation and never forced. I thought of the rough days too. The days where I would slip, lose grip or lose focus. The days when the wall would crumble and force a desperate, frantic reach for something to hold on to. I thought of all the days, hours, minutes and seconds of the climb and understood that it can't always be easy. That it can't always be fun or helpful. That something so beautiful and so powerful had to be a challenge. It had to hurt at times to make sure that only the worthy made it to the top.

These thoughts I tried to put aside because I knew they wouldn't help. I had to concentrate on the good side. The side when I had first been welcomed to the challenge. The side that encouraged climbing although I felt lost, or tired, or scared, or that I would never make it. I held onto hope and faith, and neither can hold back.

Finally it happened. The angel of death that I knew had been following and waiting around every corner since the begining. I never saw it for sure, nor did I know when it would strike. But it did. Sharp and painful. As I lost grip I looked ahead and saw how far I still had to go and how maybe there wasn't even an end to the climb. But I wished I could have climbed longer.

In these last moments I realized that maybe the utopia wasn't at the end of the climb at all. Maybe the Utopian goal was the feeling of hope and joy I got during the struggle. Maybe it was the feeling of being wanted by something that I wanted just as much. Being part of a desire that had no limits. I also wondered how much I lost balance or how much this was forced. Did I let go or did I get pushed? But at this point there is no blame or bad feelings. No one thing or another is at fault. It's just a part of life and life has many experiences.

As I fell, faster and closer, back to the lonely home at the bottom there aren't any grooves that I can catch to stop. Also, no cliffs or ledges that will break the fall this time. There is only the bottom and depressing as it is, I knew hitting bottom doesn't kill. Instead, it will become the isolated foundation again.

Now, it's even lonelier at the bottom than ever before. Living with memories and broken dreams. Hands raw and bleeding from a climb I may never make again. Still, I thought, I thought of the good times. The times where all of reality, space and time belonged to this amazing union. The times and the chance to feel the thrill and true meaning of life, and how good it really is. Memories like these are now the painful reminders that I can't let go of. The needles I do not remove. However, I knew deep down that those needles will soon become the seeds of a new purpose. Time will surely breed new courage and desire for the climb once again.

Ok, well since nobody decided to comment on anything I figure I'll just go ahead and post the details about my story that I was wondering if anyone would pick up on.

Some of you may have noticed that the structure of how things are worded is a bit strange. Simple, rough or cryptic perhaps. This isn't do to my lack of skill in writting, which I honestly have very little IMO, but was intentional. The intent was to allow for the seamless "Changing or Exchanging" of Perception in Character. More simply stated, "I", "You", "We", "They", "It", or even a specific Name can be used in place of each other and the rest of the story can remain the same.

For example:
These thoughts I tried to put aside because I knew they wouldn't help. I had to concentrate on the good side. The side when I had first been welcomed to the challenge. The side that encouraged climbing although I felt lost, or tired, or scared, or that I would never make it. I held onto hope and faith, and neither can hold back.

and...

These thoughts mOjOm tried to put aside because We knew they wouldn't help. They had to concentrate on the good side. The side when It had first been welcomed to the challenge. The side that encouraged climbing although You felt lost, or tired, or scared, or that They would never make it. It held onto hope and faith, and neither can hold back.

The importance of this is to allow it to be percieved from all perspectives and points of view. It can take on a very personal connection or distant one. The reader can even take the perspective of the "Mountain" itself. In fact that is a very important perspective to be mindful of as it is a truth in reality.

"Love is not a Goal but a Quest. Those who choose such a path are living as an Adventurer. They must also remember they are themselves an Adventure. A "Mountain" or Quest for another. That is what gives Love it's timeless energy and motion."

The actual Title is "First Love Lost" I think the meaning is quite clear in this case but reading it with the title in mind may make a difference for some.

That is how I see it and wrote it. I think I covered everything???

mOjOm

I find it to be a good description a stage that many people go through during this cycle we call life. A majority of people make this climb. Some come out better for it, others come out worse and refuse to do it again.

Right now I am climbing at a pretty good pace, but I have done this enough to realize that this may not be my last climb (although I hope it is.)

That was really good. I didn't see it as a story about love until I read your explanation. I thought it was more a story of life in general. But it was very good. Thank you for sharing this.

And have fallen several times,and will climb more times than that.
When I get done hiding in my hole.
Good piece.

in a month i'll be climbing out of my hole for the first time in a long time. hopefully it will fall into place nicely, though i think im prepared for the worst...

Originally posted by Lone_Wolf
That was really good. I didn't see it as a story about love until I read your explanation. I thought it was more a story of life in general. But it was very good. Thank you for sharing this.

Well I'd say you were still correct in your interpretation. There really is no right or wrong message behind it, per se. My explanation was just my own personal reason behind writting it, but I've also used this same story in many ways too. The other reason for my explanation was to point out the freedom of changing perspectives. (switching "I" "You" "We" etc. and having the story read the same.) That was the really hard part btw!! Doing so means not using normal phrases for example "I was" or "I am" cause when changed "They was" or "You am" is not acceptable for obvious reasons.

Unbalanced & Defence#, I'm glad you also liked it and wish you both luck on your adventures. Hopefully you'll keep the message of this story in mind. Most meaningful being: "It's not about reaching an end, it's about enjoying each day of the climb." & "You are a mountain as well as a climber."

I read this entire thing and as I read it it became clear to me that these were my thoughts...
My 5 year relationship ended in Feb.
While reading about the climbing and the falling and realizing how good you had it while you were climbing leads me to believe that people today are so consumed with lifes events and money and love and whatever else that they fail to realize that what they have right now is what is making up your life. Life is a climb.
A goal where people are trying to reach struggling through life to find happiness and solace.
It was really moving MoJo . Excellent!





Mark