What to do with him?

History: we once worked together, he was in a 12 yr relationship that was soured and after he moved out we began dating. We'd been friends for over a year prior to dating and nothing was going on at all.

So we dated, neither of us in a good head spa_javascript:icon('')
_javascript:icon('')ce. Needless to say he had issues just coming out of his relationship, so being practical and level headed I sent him back to her to at least TRY to repair the relationship (after all we WERE friends and his happiness was really more important to me than just getting laid)

Five years go by, we keep contact but the friendship had to take a back seat so he could focus on his relationship.

She ended it with him, he moved out, they sold thier house, he bought his own place yadda yadda... we've been dating again.

Started out as friends with benefits, but really I get tired of the push and pull aspect of this and told him to just let "it" happen if "it's" going to.

So, here we are a year later now, I haven't got a clue what the hell he's doing. He says he enjoys my company, enjoys the sex, finds me beautiful and attractive, loves talking to me and hanging out...yet he still does the push and pull crap.

Sometimes I get the impression he could care less, other times it's as if he WANTS me to be more emotionally expressive and more romanticly inclined...problem is, when I do..he freaks out and pushes away again.

Now I'm relatively cool emotionally. Not terribly showy and definitely not clingy...and I'm getting really irritated by this.

Personally I think he's only keeping the bait dangling until he finds someone else who gives him the equivalent "rush".

BTW I have stopped "putting out" until he figures out what the hell he wants...does he want the full meal deal or just a snack - you know?

I'll always be his friend and visa versa, but I dunno about this relationship stuff.

shoot me now.

Yea my last boyfriend was like that. But ive got to admit that i also did some pushing but that was for a different reason. I'd say if you dought him you probly shouldn't be with him... but thats just me. Is he the type the swoons over new ppl he meets? i might be able to give more advise

He's just an odd fish I guess.

I'm straight forward with him, he knows exactly where he stands with me - I don't lay it ALL out but he knows my interests and intentions

Maybe he's waiting for me to take the BIG step?? I just don't know.

Time I guess will tell.

I do know that one big disagreement we had was over children....he keeps revisiting the notion and MAN I am so done with babies and rearing of children it's not even funny! he has none, and mine is nearly grown (17) and the thought of starting over is nauseating. I adore my daughter but I'm done

Thanks though...he's such a "girl" in the sense that he's very emotional and I'm kinda not. Role reversal or what!?

fortunatley i am trained to help you deal with this situation......(lucky you)

It's obvious he really likes you and is very interested in persuing your relationship further and with more commitment....he just needs a little push.

Use this simple snippets of advice to get want you want:-

Have a Jacuzzi installed at the house and then get two of the hottest chicks you know to sit in it with you naked and wait for him to come home, leave a note on the front door with " see you in the bath for big time love"

repeat this operation 3 times a week (with different hot chicks) after a month tell him it can only continue if he puts the ring on your finger....

you'll be married in a week........

do i charge for this advice????......nope......its all free......u2u me for an in depth 1 on 1....or visit 'chat' for one of my on line therapy courses.....

"what men really want"

Regards.

[edit on 22-4-2006 by optimus fett]

Okee dokee.

For starters: if I was to put a jakuzzi in my house - I wouldn't fill it with "hot chicks" - for a ring? ewwwwww.

I'm not the marrying kind really. I just would like him to relax. Let things flow...have fun, be romantic...without the anxiety.

A jakuzzi full of Kevin Spacey clones or maybe even a couple of Brad Pitt clones...wahoooooooo! I'd be so water logged I'd grow gills!!

*sigh*

At least I have my Steve Madden boots. Life is still worth living.

Relax. Just give the guy time. Why do women want things now?

Stock your fridge with beer, thats the most important bit!

Now, down to basics

1 Has he got you on a different ringtone on his cell? If he has, its to dodge you, not cos your 'special'. Back off till your on the 'normal' ringtone.

2 Is all your 'fun' happening at weekends? This is quality time for his mates. Plan things mid-week to start with.

3 Cook him different meals EVERYDAY. A way to a mans heart is through his stomach.

So, there you go. 3 tips to sort things out. And in a years time when the plans for the big day come, remember this golden man rule...less fuss the better!

Lots of love
McP.

(agony aunt for the New York Times).

See Fett knows what he is talking about.... Na I'm just playing.

Maybe this guy is scared. I mean he might not show it, but maybe the end of his marriage hurt him. Us men may not like to admit it, but we do have emotions too. He may not be willing to open up to you in fear of being hurt again.

If i was you i would just sit down and talk to him, try to gauge what is stopping him. There will be subtle hints he gives off that will let you know. If it is the fear of being hurt that is stopping him, then just make sure you re-enforce the fact that you would never hurt him (i know you cant see the future, but just hearing it helps).

You obviously have feelings for him, i would not give up. I believe he may just be worried about opening up and being hurt.

I have been in that position before, after a long relationship that ended in the worst way possible, i didn't want to feel like that again. So i just shut myself off to any kind of relationship and poured my time into my work and friends. All it took for me to open up was meeting someone who convinced me that they would never intentionally hurt me. No matter what happens from now on, i know i have made the right choice, i just needed a gentle push in the right direction.

Just keep in mind that he may be hurt. I hope it all works out for you and him.

Dump him nad walk away without even turning your head back.

As a guy let me tell you, he will never comitt to you. You are his replacement until he gets something he wants, period.

He can say everything but is very clear that you are not the one...

Well honestly you can't change him and if you even try to pressure him at all to get your way, it will just make things worse. It just sounds like he needs to figure out what he wants. If I were in your situation, I would either accept the situation the way it is and let him figure out what he needs to figure out, or I'd get out of the relationship and get on with my life.

Over. We split up officially a week ago. Not amicable. He didn't know what I was talking about apparently.

I just got really tired of thee push and pull routine.

He had to go. It's hard to let a relationship grow and progress when both parties aren't on the same page.

It's sad...I'll miss the friendship more than anything else, but he was really upset and it's doubtful the freindship will survive.

Thanks for the input everyone.

*sigh* I think I'll end up an old spinster with 250 cats and newspapers piled to the rafters LMAO.

Or...maybe I'll just marry rich and get a "pool guy" named Raul...yes...oh yes I like that idea...maybe a gardner too...

Any old farts with too much cash and no lady in their life around?

Hee hee

Hi Just

I say it was best you to split up, I was going to say this man is definitely not in love with you! If he was, he would not have looked back at his X.

I pray you find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be!

Hold Fast Your Soul Mate is Not That Far Off!

Take Care
Angel

I think my soul mate is me LOL. maybe my cat.

Thanks for the good cheer just the same I do feel much better about the split up. I just wish he hadn't been so hurt by it and was better able to understand my point.

I just wanted a natural flow...we'd start getting there and he'd pull back and go all snakey.

The thing that really did it though was his depression over my absolute refusal to even entertain the idea of babies. Good lord the guy can't make up his mind about me unless I agree to consider being host to another rug rat for nine months???

Nah...back to the solitary life for a bit I do miss him though and hope he finds what he's searching for.

Bless you Just.

Sorry it didn't end amicable but all in all it sounds like it's for the best. I'm sure you wont end up an old spinster with 250 cats. However you are your #1 soul mate